What Men Want in a Woman

The lights came on when all five girls were sitting on the living room floor playing cards. They were all in their underwear and some were fresh from the bath so they had towels tied around their heads. Kyra was a dark conservative lady, a hairstylist who was damn good at her job. She had little attachment issues but it was alright. Her only problem was that men didn’t take her seriously and always let her down.

Jasmine would have been jailbait if she was ten years younger. She grew to become a startlingly beautiful woman who oozed so much sexiness her friends always had to pry patronizing men off her at parties. Her only problem was men objectifying her, not taking her seriously and always letting her down.

Leslie was a beautiful, shy but brainy woman. She was an ardent feminist and a women’s rights activist. She knew too much about everything and had a habit of always talking about what she knew. Her only problem was that men thought she was a know-too-much woman and so they didn’t take her seriously.

Grace was a beautiful woman who was chic, stylish and filthy rich. She was a trust fund baby who was gradually becoming a business tycoon. All the girls relied on her for money in some way. She had a little issue with her ego but she was alright. Her only problem was that men were scared of her and took her too seriously.

Mitchell was the boss lady of the group. At 5′ 8 inches and weighing so many precious pounds she was a thing to behold. Despite her huge size, however, you will find that men like them big. Mitchell had a little issue of treating men in a certain way but it was alright. Her only problem was men getting out of her grasp and letting her down.

All five ladies had come from their respective houses that evening for a girls’ night in. A ritual that had started when they had all graduated from high school as the biggest squad in Mulberry High. Yes, they had won an award for that and the trophy was kept at their meeting place (Grace’s house) where it was no doubt safest.

“I won!” Kyra squealed. The ladies starred as she shot up from the floor and did a little victory dance on the spot where she had been seated. Their faces were masks of disgust, only Leslie was smiling.

“Your antics will never end,” she said affectionately.

“You mean my luck? Yes!” Kyra retorted

“Ten years and you still haven’t changed,” Mitchell said quietly. Somehow she had found a seat for herself in the few short minutes since they ended the game. Kyra gave her a scathing look and whispered “fatty” under her breath.

“I heard you,” Mitchell sang.

“Okay, enough you two” Grace cut in before the situation could escalate. “We’re going to have dinner then everyone can leave before it is too late.”

“Can we just stay here? I don’t want to go.” Kyra said giving Grace a puppy dog look.

“Me neither,” Jasmine said.

“I’m comfortable right here,” crooned Jasmine batting her lashes.

“I think it is a great idea,” Leslie said. “We are happier when we are together. It is only logical that we should stay together.”

“What!?” Grace asked. She seemed to be in shock.

“We will pay rent,” said Mitchell. Kyra ran towards her for a hug and got pushed away.

“You guys are not making any sense!” Grace shouted. Everyone was quiet.

“What we mean is, we are family and should stay together,” Jasmine said.

“I can’t live with you disasters,” Grace said tiredly.

The girls knew they had won so they all ran to hug her.

***

“Could you tell her to stop crying please?” Mitchell asked.

“Shut up!” Kyra said vehemently and she didn’t flinch. Mitchell gave her a baleful look and continued filing her nails.

Leslie was weeping loudly. The other girls were gathered around her. Trying in vain to know the cause of the waterfalls. Later they found out that her boyfriend had sent her a break-up text.

The first question asked was Who breaks up with his girlfriend through text message? It made Leslie begin to cry afresh. Everyone hugged her and Grace offered to buy ice cream for everyone. While they ate they cross-examined the situation.

“What do you think you did that made him leave you?” Kyra asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe it is her background. Not everyone wants to date a foster kid,” Grace said.

“She’s not a kid anymore,” said Mitchell.

“Once a foster kid, always a foster kid. That’s what my parents told me when I fell in love with Drew Coffman,” Grace finished. Everyone rolled their eyes.

“Did you have sex with him? Many times?” Jasmine asked.

“I did,” Leslie replied.

“Maybe you weren’t good at it then,” Jasmine said rolling her shoulders.

“Really?” Leslie asked. She glared at Jasmine

“Did you love and support him?” Kyra asked.

“Yes, I did!”

“Did you make him feel the impact of your love and support?” Kyra asked again. Leslie scoffed and didn’t answer.

“Were you smart enough to have great conversations when you met with his parents? Leslie asked herself.

“Oh yes, I was!”

“You let him run all over you,” Mitchell said quietly.

“No, I didn’t. But it doesn’t matter. If a man I gave everything still left me I wonder what men want from women,” Leslie said.

“I have an idea,” everyone turned to Jasmine.

“Let’s do something. Right now we’re all single so this is a perfect time.”

“Oh great! My heart is broken and now she has an idea,” Leslie said bitterly.

“Hush! What are we going to do?” Mitchell asked.

“We’re going to discover what men want,” Jasmine said. She looked hopefully at the other ladies but they all stared at her. Then suddenly they began to laugh, falling over themselves.

KYRA

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“What’s that you’re cooking?” Leslie asked, sniffing from her position at the door. “It smells good, like pie.”

“Thank you,” Kyra replied, smiling at her. “I’m packing it up for Jude.”

“Jude asked you to prepare a chicken pie for him?” Leslie asked as she came closer.

Kyra bit her lip, “Well, no. But he said he likes my cooking.”

Leslie looked at her. “Oh really, let’s just hope the man would not say he likes you blind because you might just remove your eyes for him.”

“Shut up!” Kyra said, waving the spoon threateningly at her.

“You remember that guy that told you he loved colorful hair so you went ahead to dye yours pink?” Leslie asked. “What about that other guy who said he wanted you skinny and made you almost starve yourself to death? What? Don’t look at me like that, I’m just so scared about someone telling you he likes something about you,” she finished.

“This is different,” Kyra protested.

“Sure,” Leslie said, then she smiled and stole a piece of the pie, narrowly dodging the spoon.

“Do you do everything he wants?” She asked.

“God no!”

“So what’s your relationship like with him?” Leslie asked.

“Oh! He is sweet. We plan to marry in a few years.”

“How many kids does he want?” Leslie asked sarcastically

“Three,!” Kyra squealed, totally missing the sarcasm. “I love him so much and he knows. We’re saving up to get a house now so we won’t have to struggle to get one after our wedding.”

“That’s great,” Leslie said, and she took another piece of the pie.

JASMINE

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“Why is she so loud?” Grace asked as she stood drinking orange juice straight from the jug.

“She must be enjoying it so much,” Mitchell answered. She too was standing in the kitchen.

“It is midnight and I can’t sleep because of all the noise!” Kyra snapped.

Jasmine’s loud moan filled the whole house and all the women unconsciously stopped to listen. Then it ended and they all relaxed. Suddenly Jasmine screamed and Grace almost choked on the jug of orange juice.

Leslie entered the kitchen “Her door is open if you wanna look,” she said as she walked towards the fridge. The ladies looked at themselves for a beat, then they all sprinted towards Jasmine’s room.

“How was it?” Grace asked. “Did you give him the way he wanted it?” Jasmine was sitting in the bathtub preening like a contented cat.

“Awesome!” She said “I made sure I did him so good he could barely walk”

Then she mimicked his shaky steps with her fingers and Grace started laughing so hard everyone else including Jasmine joined in.

LESLIE

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“What do you say about a man feeling a woman should do all the housework for him?” Leslie asked. Thomas’ parents smiled indulgently at her.

“I think it is wrong,” Thomas’ father said. “I help my wife all the time around the house,” he kissed his wife’s cheek and she blushed.

“You help her?” Leslie asked.

“Yes,” the man said cluelessly.

“You telling me you help her lends credence to the fact that you believe the whole thing is her job.”

“What? No!” Thomas’ father protested. His wife raised her hand and cut off whatever Leslie was about to say.

“You’re a black woman. Black women do work around the house. That is how it is,” the older woman said. Leslie opened her mouth to reply and Thomas squeezed her hand.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to use the restroom?” He asked her.

“Oh yeah,” she said. Thomas watched her go.

“I like her,” his mother said. Thomas turned to make sure he heard correctly. “She’s the kind of woman that could keep my son in line.”

“Like you’re keeping me,” his father said.

“Attempting, and failing,” Thomas’ mother retorted.

“You keep her son. They’re not many intelligent women running around these days,” said his father.

“I will Dad, I love her.”

GRACE

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Grace stepped on the boat with a man. They were laughing and hitting each other playfully. She was wearing a blue gown so dark it looked like the sea rippling at night.

“You’re a goddess,” the man said.

“I’m not!” Grace laughed, slapping him playfully.

“A beautiful rich woman is a goddess for sure,” He said sitting down and dragging her down to sit beside him.

“If you say so.”

“How does someone please a wealthy woman like you?” The tall black man asked. He wrapped his arm around Grace’s shoulders and began to feed her fruit dipped in wine.

“I don’t know Phil. Maybe continue what you’re currently doing? And rub my shoulders too. Uhh, That feels good.” Grace cooed.

“This is a beautiful boat,” he said.

“Yeah, it was my mom’s boat. She gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday.”

“Wow, this is a huge gift!” Phil exclaimed.

“Yeah, my mom is sweet,” Grace said smiling.

“Indeed.”

“What should I get you for your birthday?” She asked him.

“I don’t know. What should I get you for yours? Your birthday is just a week after,” Phil said worriedly.

“Don’t worry about me. OK? I’ll take care of us,” Grace said. Phil cleared his throat and said nothing.

MITCHELL

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“What are we going to do when we get home?” Mitchell’s boyfriend Brad asked. He was a tall man with curly red hair.

“I know what I’m going to do. I don’t know about you,” Mitchell said. Her man threw back his head and laughed.

“So what do you plan to do my Mint?” he asked

“Eat dinner.”

“Why? You didn’t say, cook, rather you said eat” he asked, searching her face.

“I will eat dinner,” she repeated.

“Who is going to prepare it then?” The young man asked.

“Don’t tell me you’re as silly as I think you are?” Mitchell snapped. He removed her hand from his and waved for a taxi.

After dinner, she watched him do the dishes as they talked about the movie they watched. When he was done, he leaned against the counter and beckoned to Mitchell who walked over to him.

“God! Baby, I love your body. Let’s have a bath together.”

“No. I’m bathing alone,” Mitchell said. She patted him on the chest and walked away.

“Get me those new towels, Brad!” She shouted from the bathroom.

“The towels are in the cupboard behind you!” He shouted back.

“Get it for me!”

“Jesus! You’re so bossy!” He said as he handed her the towels.

“That’s why you love me,” Mitchell said laughing.

“I love you, baby,” Brad said and he bent to kiss her laughing mouth.

SIX MONTHS LATER

The lights came on again when all five girls were sitting in the living room. Instead of a game of cards, they all seemed to be waiting for Jasmine to speak.

Typically, Jasmine seemed oblivious to the fact that they were waiting for her and was curling the ends of her hair on a finger.

“Okay!” Jasmine said suddenly “Is everyone sitting comfortably?”

“Obviously,” Mitchell snapped.

“Everyone wave your hands. Both hands!” She shouted.

“Why?” Leslie asked. “Alright,” she said when Jasmine glared at her. They all waved their hands.

“Right! No engagement rings hiding anywhere. We can now proceed.”

“Six months ago we all decided that we were going to find out what men want in a woman. Using my wisdom I told everyone to get a man and give him one of all we think he wants the most. Naturally, Kyra’s job was to give her man love and respect, My job was to give my man great sex.

Leslie’s was to unleash the intelligent side of herself she normally hides, Grace’s job was to flaunt her riches and pay all the bills, Mitchell was to do the opposite of love and support and rule her man with a heavy hand. That’s right huh? Anything I’m missing?” She asked. The other ladies shook their heads.

“I’ll tell you what happened with my relationship so you’ll tell me about yours. I caught my man sleeping with another woman,” she said. All the ladies were shocked.

“My man left me because apparently, I suffocate him with my love,” Kyra said.

“Awwwwwww!” everyone cooed.

“Thomas said every time he sleeps after a date with me he is plagued with nightmares where I talk and talk, and talk,” Leslie said. All the other ladies laughed.

“Phil was a bloody gold digger pretending to be uncomfortable with my wealth,” Grace said

“Did you allow him to milk you?” Leslie asked.

“Hell no!”

“There’s only so much bossy a man can take from a woman. Mine ran away in search of true love,” Mitchell said.

“That’s sad,” Jasmine said staring sympathetically at Mitchell.

“Not really”

“So Jasmine from your analysis what do you think men want from women?” Kyra asked

“Sex, Love and Money,” Jasmine said with a flourish.

“I beg to differ.”

Everyone turned to Leslie. “I think men love what they can’t have the most.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Me neither.”

“What’s she trying to say?”

“Who understands men?” Leslie asked with a sad smile on her face. “Come on girls, let’s go have some ice cream.