My Dating Experience
When I met Solomon, I was just thirteen. It was during our Annual Teenagers Retreat in the Province. There I was, gisting away with my girls when he walked in.
He had this smug aura around him and I just knew I wouldn’t like him. He walked in like he owned the place, like we should all bow to his eminence. My friends seemed to buy the whole facade as they started gushing over how confident he looked. I didn’t think he looked confident. I was certain he was an arrogant blockhead.
Two years later, we became the best of friends. I don’t know how he did it but I managed to talk to him and actually be friendly and it was then I realised that there was actually nothing sinister about him. He called me a snub too. Turned out he wasn’t the only one capable of making a bad first impression. We seemed to do everything together. We went to school and church together, ate together most times and even cried together.
We had become two peas in a pod. People would have assumed we were dating if Solomon did not run after everything in skirts. It was a bad habit I tried to help him curtail but it was like he didn’t even want help. He was actually enjoying it. The attention, the side glances and the kisses. He had not gone far as sleeping with them but he had gone far enough. Too far, infact.
That’s why I couldn’t believe myself when I started having feelings for him. It wasn’t really about the things he did. It was about who he was. Solomon was kind and attentive. That’s what drew all the girls to him. He had a way of making you feel like you were the only girl in the room,In the world, infact, if he made an effort.
He listened. Not in pretense as it was actually easy to tell. But with a genuine desire to know. His looks and money were just bonuses.
He came to me with all his girl problems. Asking for advice on what to get them for their birthdays, how to make them happy and so on. It got on my last nerve but I was the best friend. I couldn’t do anything about it.
Two years later, we got into the same university. It was like a dream. As much as I loved having Solomon beside me all the time, I couldn’t bear another four years of watching him with other girls. Having the time of his life while I wallowed in loneliness and singleness.
But my singleness was not to last long. I met Dafe. A 300-level Engineering student. We hit it off the second we met. It felt like we had known each other for ages. We started spending a lot of time together, talking and taking a lot of pictures too. Did I tell you he was handsome? Well, he was. I started spending less and less time with Solomon.
Sometimes, we come across each other in school and just catch up for five minutes and then we go on our way. It felt weird but I liked Dafe. He made me think of Solomon less.
One evening, I got a call from Solomon. He said he needed to see me. It sounded urgent and I rushed to the place he had told me to meet him at.
When I saw him, I felt an instant rush of happiness that I tried to disguise. I missed him.
“Uncle, what’s up? What’s the emergency?” I asked.
“Aunty, sit down nah.” I smiled and I was about taking my seat when he said, “Infact, let’s go outside.”
“It’s cold outside.”
“I’ll warm you up.”
“Alright.”
We walked outside in silence. He had his hands in his pocket with a faraway look in his eyes.
“Solomon, are you okay?”
“Yeah. Let’s sit here.” He pointed to a concrete bench in the middle of the Lovers’ park.I couldn’t take the tension anymore.
“What is it?”
“What have you been up to?”
“Huh?” I asked in confusion.
“I don’t see you anymore. What’s happening?”
I heaved a sigh of relief. ” So that’s what this is about?”
“Doesn’t it matter? I don’t see you anymore.”
“I’ve been busy Solomon”
“With Dafe?”
What? “How do you know Dafe?”
“The real question is why don’t I know about Dafe?”
Ouch. That hurt. But it was also true. Why did Dafe have to be a secret? “It’s…just… I…”
“It’s fine. So, are you guys a thing now?”
“Not yet.”
Then there was that silence again.
“I broke up with Tess.””Which one is Tess again?”
“That one I met in Buka. The fair one.”
“Amaka?”
“No. I met Amaka in the canteen not… argh! Just forget it.” He cried in frustration. ” I am really a man whore.”
“Yeah. You are.” I said with a straight face.
“Do you like him?”
“I think so.”
Silence.
“You know, I always thought I would have you forever. I’ve been a real fool. You’ve never been interested in these things. This guy has to be the real deal.”
“I think he is.” Where the hell is this conversation going?
“I don’t want to lose you Sylvia.” This time, he turned to look at me.
“I’m not going anywhere. We could still talk. We’re still best friends.”
“Having to be without you for the past three months made me realise that I don’t want to do it anymore. I can’t take it.”
My mind was racing. What’s he saying?
“Solomon, I am…”
He interrupted.
” I want to be the only guy in your life Sylvia.”
What? “I just realised how foolish I’ve been. What I’ve been looking for has always been right in front of me.”
I couldn’t determine if what was happening was really happening. Suddenly, all the feelings I thought Dafe had helped me suppress started rushing back to the surface.
“I…”
“I need you Sylvia. I just never realised how much until now. Somehow everyone knows this except you and I.”
“Solomon, I don’t understand.”
He sighed. “I like you Sylvia. I like like like you.”
I don’t know if I was prompted by the devil himself but for some reason, I started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” He actually looked and sounded hurt.
“Geez. Solomon, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to respond.”
“Oh. So you don’t see me that way?”
If only he knew. It was at that point I wanted to let it all out. The sleepless nights I had because of him. The strange and evil thoughts I had of killing all his girlfriends. The way I ached every time he asked me to give him some advice regarding his girl problems. Instead, I said,
“You’re my best friend. I am not allowed to see you that way.”
He looked like a truck ran over his foot. Six times.
“Right. But I would have sworn our feelings were mutual.”
“Why would you think that?”
I asked. I tried looking at him straight in the face but for some reason, my fingers were more interesting to look at.
There was an uncomfortable silence. I hated it. I needed him to say something, anything before I spilled my guts and let it all out.
“I’m really sorry Sylvia. I… thought…you know… I…” He stuttered. “I’m so sorry.
I’ve made everything awkward now. Haven’t I?”
“Not really.”
And then he hugged me. It didn’t feel like the bear hugs I used to revel in. It wasn’t as warm as the one he gave me that morning in the hallway. It felt cold, rigid. Distant. And I wasn’t sure I could take two of those hugs. My heart would rip into tiny unrecognizable pieces.
“We’ll get through it. I promise. I’m so so sorry…I…” He said into my hair.
“I really like you too Solomon.” There it was. All out. I felt like a strange weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Everything was still for a moment.
“What did you say?” Yes. He was still talking into my hair.
“I said I really like you. I’ve liked you since I met you. You came late to the party Uncle.”
And I felt him relax into the hug. He hugged me so tight, I felt our skin becoming one.
“Thank you. Thank you.” He whispered into my hair. I could have stayed there forever. Cuddled up and happy. Unfortunately, he pulled out of the hug with a big goofy grin on his face,
“So what’s it going to be? Should we do this?”
“Do what?” I asked in surprise.
“Be together nah. Like together.” Even World War III would have been incapable of wiping the silly grin off his face.
” I don’t know. I’m not sure… I…”
“Sylvia, don’t overthink it.”
“But…”
“I’m not asking you to marry me. Well, not right now.”
And he smiled. At this point, my heart was racing. My palms grew sweaty. I was lost for words. I had turned into a blubbering fool. So much for dignity and self-respect.
“Okay.”
” Okay what?” He asked.
“I said okay. Let’s do this.”
Maybe saying the words out loud made it more real but at that moment, I felt a boulder settle in my stomach and I knew I had just made a terrible mistake but the grin on his face made it so hard to tell. He looked so happy and I felt giddy. Surely, no evil could come from such a beautiful moment.
After that day, my routine changed. I stopped seeing Dafe. I started spending more time with Solomon. More time than was necessary. I always knew he was a bad habit. Sweet, yet addictive. Realizing that I had all of him to myself sometimes made me heady with excitement and I just never wanted to leave his side. I tried to restrain myself at first but it proved more difficult with every second we spent together.
It started off slow. Just a few minutes past my curfew with profuse apologies. Then I missed one class. In my defense, he claimed to be sick but after getting to his house, I realized that he was stronger than Anthony Joshua on a good day. I let it slide. He was my boyfriend after all. Something was bound to go for something. But I never planned for everything the relationship would bring my way.
I began to lose focus. I had totally lost all my sense of reasoning. I no longer thought of myself. Solomon became the center of my existence. Everything I did, every decision I made all revolved around him. If it was going to make him uncomfortable, it was not to be done. If it would make him happy, it must be done.
Sometimes, I caught myself but before I could slap some sense into my head, Solomon would be in my face. Reminding me of how much I loved him and how much I would actually give up for him.
I had never failed an examination before. I had never been below the top three students in any class I found myself. So as I looked at my first session results posted on the wall, I could feel the blood drain out of my face. I had failed four courses out of fifteen. Unbelievable.
I walked back to our flat (Yes. We share a flat now) in a daze. While others couldn’t understand how it was possible for them to fail some courses, I understood perfectly how I failed. It wasn’t only my schoolwork that suffered, everything else did. Everything that wasn’t Solomon was dead to me, including me.
When I walked in, he was sitting on the couch surfing the net. Somehow, we had managed to settle into a pseudo-marriage situation. I had absolutely taken over my wifely duties neglecting my own life. My heart started to constrict as I realized what I was about to do.
He looked up as I walked in and a broad smile lit his face, “My baby.”
“Yeah.”
He stood up to hug me, “Are you okay? How is your result? Good? I know you sha. You don give them marking scheme” and he laughed but I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“Huh?” He looked at me in shock.
“You’re too much for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know how to manage you. I can’t take you all in and lose myself in the process. And I don’t want just a part of you too.”
“I don’t understand you. Sylvia, Are you breaking up with me?”
I had a lump in my throat.
“Yes.”
He took his face in his hands and sat down.
“Baby why? Did I do something? I thought we were doing great.”
“Yeah. But this relationship is taking more than I can give right now. It wasn’t the right time. I was so excited about finally being with you that I didn’t give it a second thought after you asked me. It felt like the answer to all my secret prayers but it was a prayer I didn’t need answers for. At least, not then.”
“It finally feels right Sylvia. It used to be a game but it finally feels right and you’re just going to rip it out of my life?”
“This is not about you Solomon. I love you so much but I am not ready!”
“Ready for what?!” He screamed.
“We’ve been together for years. What else do you need to be ready for? I don’t understand.”
“I’m not ready for all of you. Not right now. Please.” My voice was cracking now.
Silence. And then he sighed.
“When will you be ready?” He asked slowly. Like he was scared to let the words out.
“I don’t know”.
Silence.
“Can I wait for you?”
Tears were streaming down my face at this point. I didn’t have the words. I wanted with my whole heart for him to belong to me forever but I just couldn’t do it.
“I don’t want to put you in that situation.”
“Alright Sylvia.”
And as he walked away, I was reminded of a wounded lioness that just had all her cubs eaten right in front of her.
…
It’s been five years since I last saw Solomon. Last I heard, he got a scholarship to the United States to start his University education afresh. Perfect timing. So seeing him now in the parking lot of the church where we first met, I didn’t know how to react but before I could start overthinking it, he walked up to me.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
I didn’t think it was possible for him to look better but he did. He sounded better too.
“You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. You look great too. Fine Americanah.”
He laughed and all the tension I was feeling melted like wax. I saw his shoulders relax too.
“Service is about to start. Can we sit together?”
“Of course. Let me just get my bag.” I walked to my car and carried my bag. My hands shaking the whole time. I walked back to where he was standing, waiting for me.
“Are you ready now?” He asked.
If I hadn’t noticed how his eyes become dilated and he suddenly became nervous, I would have thought we were still talking about going into the church. I had thought this door was closed forever but what was mine still remained mine.
“Yes Solomon. I am ready.”
That goofy grin again.
“Well, let’s do this.”.
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