In this article, you’d learn the following:

Our relationship and interactions with other people always play an important role in our social behavior and emotional health as humans. Like babies, our relationships with people are often bound by the reflexes of time. It evolves, grows, and takes new shapes every day, and sometimes, they expire after a long period of time.

Relationships, for many, may mean different things. Whether in personal, business, network relationships, partnering, or collaboration, connecting with people can be an exhilarating experience if it is reciprocated the right way.

Identifying a toxic relationship versus a good one may not be easy initially. A toxic relationship can be experienced by anyone, anywhere. With dates, parents, siblings, or even at the workplace, etc. While toxicity may dampen your mental health and increase anxiety, a good relationship on the other hand fills you with inexplicable joy and fulfillment and leaves you with a feeling of security and trust.

No relationship is essentially perfect, but whether perfect or not, the most dreadful place to be is in a toxic relationship especially if you’re unable to identify these traits. This may be as a result of being in denial in spite of red flags. While it may be nearly impossible to tell if a toxic relationship is bound to get better without conscious agreement from both parties, it is always preferable to identify that you’re stuck in a toxic love relationship, first, before anything else.

The question of how you can overcome toxicity in your personal relationship is answered in your ability to break away from toxic relationship patterns, and wholeheartedly accept that you need to act fast to save yourself.

What’s more ironic is that we’re often quick to identify victims of a toxic relationship as weak and helpless people. Truth is, even the best of us can find ourselves in similar terrifying territories of toxicity. Sometimes, our ignorance may feed toxicity under the guise of love and selflessness. If you find that you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s about time to stop berating yourself and quickly identify the factors that may have fueled this toxicity and how to fix it.

A toxic relationship can be toxic to your mental health, you’re often left to wonder if you’re in any way contributing to the toxicity emitting from your partner. Sometimes, you find that you don’t know what to do, who to blame, or how to unravel the situation, especially if you’ve been stuck in it for a long time and it has become a normal routine.

If you suspect that your partner is toxic, this article may help crystalize and confirm your thoughts, show you what a toxic relationship means, how to fix it, and the identifiable differences between a toxic relationship versus a healthy one.

What Does a Toxic Relationship Mean?

A toxic relationship, whether love or platonic, is anything that places a question on your happiness, self-esteem, and contaminates the way you see the world and the people around you. Sometimes, you may feel drained, depleted, and overwhelmed with the negative emotions in your relationship, that it begins to reflect on you and affects your relationship with other people.

Now, let me break it down.

We probably already know that a toxic relationship thrives on pressure and esteem issues. It is a relationship that damages you in every ramification. In this kind of relationship, you may find that it’s impossible to breathe freely, think freely, and communicate effectively.

Where there’s only one opinion and your partner exudes negative qualities like fear, deception, superiority, etc, this is when you can tell that you’re in a toxic relationship.

Will a Toxic Relationship Ever Get Better?

The question of hope can be very endearing and dangerous in itself. People who find themselves in dysfunctional relationships tend to bask fully in and out of denial. Sometimes, they’re just holding on to a superficial belief that may not even be there, or one that did not exist in the first place.

If you’re wondering if your relationship will ever improve for the better, the first step to doing so is weighing the options in it for you. Most relationships can start off on a transparent, healthy, and even promising note, but along the way, factors like dark past, unmet expectations, wrong emotions, or even past relationships, may entirely affect the castle you hoped to build with this person. Sometimes, you may or may not see some of these coming, and before you can say ‘jack’, you’d slowly watch your partner change completely before your eyes.

Can Toxic Relationships Be Fixed?

If you’re wondering how to effect a change, and fix your relationship, chances are you’d soon be weighing your options on how to leave your toxic relationship or how to bring it fully to an abrupt end. Breaking toxic relationship patterns can be essentially tasking In itself, and sometimes die-hard impossible. Most relationships are worth the fight, while other times they’re not. But here’s a quick tick list to identify which is worth it or not. First, you need to ask yourself these questions and answer honestly. Pick off a piece of paper and outline your answers carefully.

1. What can I do without my partner?
2. What is in this relationship for me?
3. Am I completely and emotionally codependent on my partner?
4. What’s this relationship like now vs what was it like in the beginning?
5. Who am I now in this relationship?
6. How can I make it any better?
7. Is this the first time I’ve been seeing these negative signs?
8. And how long have I been trying to fix it?
9. Do I blame myself for the toxicity within this relationship?
10. Have I made substantial progress, or am I back where I started?

If you can correctly and honestly answer these questions to yourself, you may already have a clearer picture of what you intend to do with your relationship. The answer to how you can fix it is staring right before you.

Now ask yourself this question:

Is it worth the fight?

What Are The Signs of a Toxic Relationship?

How do you tell that you’re in a toxic relationship when you don’t want to believe that you’re in one?

A toxic relationship borders on telltale signs which may be normal for some, and basically not normal for others. Some of these signs can be identified by the intensity, complexity, damage, and number of consistency it has occurred with one of the individuals concerned.

Not all relationships are easy to leave because both parties may have become too emotionally attached to one another. But being in a toxic love relationship and remaining in it may be superbly dangerous to your physical and mental health. Being aware of the early signs and identifying that your relationship is indeed toxic is vastly vital to protecting yourself from damage.

The first and most vital way out of a toxic love-hate relationship is to accept that you’re truly stuck in one

By, in fact, accepting this, you’re bound to shield yourself from further harm.

Toxicity shows up in different forms and ways. However, here are some easily identifiable signs to know you’re in a toxic relationship. If any of this rings a bell, it’s about time you make some big adjustments in your relationship:

1. It Exhausts You Completely

Relationships should be mostly about giving and exchanging fond moments of joy and happiness, and not the other way around. If a relationship leaves you drained, exhausted, and unexcited whether emotionally, mentally, and physically instead of leaving you excited and enthusiastic about your future today, then it’s time you start paying attention to the red flags.

2. There’s a Recurring Absence of Trust

Every relationship should be built on the threshold of trust. Trust means knowing yourself and being able to vouch for your partner’s value system and judgments at all times. Trust is the foundation of every human relationship, and without it, you cannot rely completely on your partner. Love is respect, and respect is trust.

If there’s no confidence and reliability in your partner, then that’s a clear sign of a toxic relationship. If you don’t trust each other at all times, then why are you together in the first place? You can be in love with somebody, and in fact, not trust them. A relationship that has no trust is like holding a light bulb without turning on the electricity. You’d be stuck in a dark room for a long time.

3. Keeps You Unhappy

If your partner does not bring you selfless joy without efforts and makes you happy all the time by always reiterating your good points and appreciating you, then you need to let that person go. It is a sign of a toxic relationship that may in turn cause anxiety and inadequacy. In the long run, this can put a strain on your mental and physical health.

4. Filled With Lies

A dishonest relationship is a toxic one in itself. It dissuades trust and builds disinterest. It is an unhealthy environment for growth in every relationship. If your partner lies too often without remorse and caution, that’s a sure sign that he/she might actually be living in a lie-relationship with you. Don’t ever ignore the lies, it’s a toxic sign!

5. Little or No Support System

If your partner does not healthily support your growth, contribution, or lifelong dreams, is there a reason to be in the relationship in the first place? A relationship should not drain you completely of your energy. Rather it should be more about supporting one another and growing into a better version of what you were before you both got involved.

6. Attacks Your Self-Value

If you’re in a stifling relationship where your self-worth and general value is not honestly appreciated by your partner, that may be a sure red flag. A relationship should not diminish your self-worth and general esteem. You should never be left second-guessing your abilities or if you’re good enough to be with your partner. Chances are if your partner does not appreciate you, you may never be able to appreciate yourself too.

7. Destructive Criticism and Bad Correction

Criticism, throwing blames, and pointing fingers, are recurring traits of toxicity. If these features are dominantly prevalent in your relationship, you’re bound to feel unhappy at all times. If your partner thinks you cannot do anything right, and you’re the only one that should be corrected at all times, then the only way to extricate yourself from such is to walk out of the door. You cannot be the best version of yourself if you have toxic negativity revolving around you at all times. People who tend to find faults in others are most often hiding their inadequacies behind a barrage of criticism.

8. Continuous Avoidance

If you spend half the time ignoring and avoiding each other, then you’ve probably failed in your relationship. Toxicity is antonymous to partnership, and partnership breeds communication, trust and a healthy relationship.

9. Lack of Effective Communication

Effective communication is one of the essentials of great relationships with people. If you cannot communicate your thoughts, feelings, and resentments freely to your partner without the fear of being misunderstood, then you’re probably bordering around the lines of toxicity. If you cannot turn to each other, and openly communicate your fears, thoughts, or concerns for the future with your partner, you’re in a toxic environment.

10. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

A narcissistic partner is one that is inflated with his/her self ego or self-image and importance. If your partner is ideally only concerned about themselves and makes independent decisions that are a reflection of their personal needs without considering the other person in the relationship, then you’ve got a toxic partner.

11. Questions Your Values

Your value system is basically the ideals that make you who you are. If your partner questions and cannot understand these values, then there may be a problem.

12. ‘Love’ is the Only Reason You’re There

This might sound very much like a “not-so-popular-opinion”, but it remains the truth. If the only reason you’re in a relationship with someone is that you prioritize love over all the basic essentials that a relationship should be made of, then you’re definitely doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons. Mark Manson defines the three core components of a healthy relationship as Respect, Trust, and affection. If all of these components are missing, I’m afraid to say that love may not necessarily be enough to provide a healthy and futuristic relationship. We all need to feel more than love to be appreciated.

Other signs of a toxic partner/relationship include:

1. The dependent partner
2. The independent partner
3. The guilt-tripping partner
4. The partner with temper problems.
5. The over-accommodating partner.
6. The unappreciative partner
7. The fault-finding partner
8. The physically abusive partner
9. The excessively jealous and controlling partner.
10. The partner that considers you last.

Healthy Relationships vs Toxic Relationships

Relationships demand hard work, effort, and time. A relationship does not become toxic in only a day, it builds up gradually over a period of time. Sometimes, you may not realize this early enough as you’re still trying to force your mind to think the relationship is as healthy as it was at the start. You may not want to believe that the person you’ve declared your undying affection to has suddenly become toxic. But like bad habits, toxic relationships have a way of fast clouding and taking control of your visuals and mind.

Here’s a clear distinction between a toxic relationship and a healthy one, and how to identify a healthy versus an unhealthy relationship.

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6 Tips on How to Turn a Toxic Relationship into a Healthy Relationship

1. Be willing to talk about it openly.
2. Identify areas that need to be fixed immediately
3. Solve problems as they come.
4. Deliberately imbibe trust, respect, and affection as core competencies to help improve your relationship.
5. Encourage deep conversations with your partner.
6. Mutual decision to change and make things work.

Sources: Hackspirit; Women’s Health

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