Break Up Stories From Strangers and Lessons To Be Learnt

It’s when people go through breakups that they realize that they could have done “this” better, they shouldn’t have said “that”, and they most definitely should have not overreacted when “that” happened. They wind up with so many “had I known” and “what ifs” that they find it hard to get closure and move on with their lives.

In this article, five anonymous people will be sharing their break-up stories and we’ll be picking out some lessons that can be learned from them. Are you ready?!

Mr A’s Break Up Story

“My heartbreak story… Do you know what happened? It was more like a situation whereby we were always having this on and off kinda thing. Whenever we have disagreements, she’s always like I’m done, I’m going, I’m leaving you.

So, it really fucked the relationship up and fucked me up. I got too scared of her, and you know how it is. When you are too scared of something or someone, you’ll make mistakes.

Along the line, there was this guy that liked her. I had trust issues and insecurities about him, so it really messed up the relationship because I was always on her neck and I’m sure you know how girls hate that. Long story short, it was more of a mutual breakup because we both broke each other’s hearts. I had my fair share of causing her traumas as well.

I’m not sure if she did anything with the dude, (because I never caught her), but it just didn’t click. Then, she broke up with me when she was leaving school.”

Lessons to Learn

1. Always Remember This: Innocent Until Proven Guilty.

If your partner has not done anything to warrant suspicion on their part, don’t go mistrusting them or accusing them. It is a very big turn-off. Especially for ladies. Air your insecurities but don’t be condescending or accusing while you’re at it.

Place yourself in your partner’s shoes and ask yourself if you’d like the constant scrutiny and accusations from the one person you care about the most. You won’t. So, don’t do it.

2. Break Up Threats Are A Red Flag

If your partner is quick to “threaten” you with a breakup whenever you guys are disagreeing, then take it as a very serious red flag. And honestly, you should reconsider being with a person like that.

Constantly bringing up a breakup shows no regard, value, or respect for you and the relationship. When you truly love someone it will be difficult to picture your life without them. You won’t take your relationship so lightly as to use it to try to gain the upper hand in an argument.

So, if your partner brings it up at the slightest provocation every single time? Run!

Run before they serve you hot breakfast!

3. Learn To Communicate!

Relationships aren’t only about cuddling, having crazy sex, wearing matching outfits, and posting couple goals videos on Tiktok.

Relationships are much more important than that and to maintain a solid relationship you need to communicate with your partner.

Communication here is constructive communication. Not the type that you’re hauling insults and degrading words at each other. No.

However, the truth is that many relationships would have been salvaged and grown into something beautiful if one person had decided to put in the extra effort to communicate.

If Mr A had constructively voiced his concerns to his partner, she could have even cut ties with her male friend just to make Mr A feel safe. However, she probably chose to remain stubborn and unyielding because of the approach he took.

This, of course, isn’t to justify any party in this discussion. Both of them were clearly at fault, and it’s sad to know that yet another relationship hit the curb because of these reasons.

Mr B’s Break Up Story

“Well… for me the heartbreak was devastating. You never really expect it. It just comes out of the blue and wacks you in the face. And deep down, I saw it coming but I ignored all the warning signs until it was right up my door, forcing its way in.

So, you know how love just gets you unexpectedly? Someone just walks into your life, and you see them and start liking them immediately? It took me some time, but when we eventually started dating, it wasn’t how I expected it to be.

It wasn’t smooth. Then again, Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? We continued working on ourselves so we could fix things about ourselves that we didn’t like.

One day, she told me she wanted to travel to Lagos. I just knew in my heart that we were going to break up when she returned. Call it instincts, but I’m not sure how I could tell. I just knew.

When she got back, she called me and started crying on the phone. I just knew it. She started saying things like she never loved me, but she was scared to reject me because she didn’t want to lose me as her friend. She wanted to keep me closer and that was why she said yes when I asked her out.

It didn’t hurt because of what she said. It hurt me because deep down I knew it. I knew it but I chose to ignore it and be happy. Then, boom! Heartbreak. It hurt. It really hurt me.“

Lessons to Learn

1. Don’t Force Love To Happen

This might be a hard pill to swallow but stop chasing after the one you like when you know they don’t feel the same way. It is always better to date someone that likes you.

2. Never Work With Assumptions or Wishful Thinking When it Comes to Relationships

If your heart is telling you the truth, don’t ignore it. Don’t assume or hope that things will turn out fine later. Many girls date guys out of sentiment. It is actually a very common thing among women.

Be sure of their feelings when you guys are still in the talking stage. If those emotions are not there, you will know!

3. Listen To Your Gut

Stop ignoring red flags when you see or feel them. If your gut is telling you they don’t love you, then you are most likely in a one-sided relationship.

4. Don’t Be Scared to Ask For Words of Affirmation From Your Partner

If they have trouble saying stuff like “I miss you”, “I love you”, or “I want to be with you”, then you are most probably dating yourself.

It might not be often, but when a person loves you, they are not afraid or ashamed to say/show it. In the same way, you can tell when someone isn’t in love with you if they don’t do these things.

Relationships built on one sided sentiment never lasts and they always hurt the most so don’t fall for it. No matter how tempting it may be to finally date your crush. Don’t.

Mr C’s Story

“I don’t really remember those days anymore but I do remember that we were going smoothly until she started misbehaving. Apparently, one guy from the next hostel used to serenade her with songs from his guitar, and me, I be guy man.

Anyway, she ended up breaking up with me. I was so devastated. I cried and cried like a baby, with catarrh dripping all over my face. I went to her hostel several times to beg her to come back to me, but she only rejected me. She moved to her friend’s hostel, and I still went there to beg her. I still got rejected.

After a while, I decided to move on with my life. We went on holiday and when we resumed, I noticed that she was acting all flirty and stuff with me. Then she started begging me. Of course, I wasn’t going to accept her like that after everything. Anyway, I later agreed, and well… you know what’s next na (chuckles).“

Lessons to Learn

1. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Creative and Be Flexible When You are Dating Someone.

It’s not that you are doing it to keep them from cheating. No. You’re just trying to create an environment where they feel they lack absolutely nothing.

For example, when Mr C notices that his girl enjoys being serenaded, he doesn’t need to go pick up a guitar and start taking lessons (though that would be an extremely touching gesture). He can just play her music from time to time when it’s just them alone. He could try serenading her too. If only with his phone.

There is no “big man” in love. Love is all about sacrifice and compromise.

2. Love is Worth Fighting For

Just like Mr C did, when you know you truly love someone, keep fighting for their love until it’s obvious it won’t work anymore. Don’t quit.

However, when they do make it clear that they no longer want you, know when to accept their decision and move on. If you keep holding on to someone that wants to let go you’ll only be seen as a creep and an obsessed ex.

The saying, “if it’s yours, it’ll fly right back to you” still stands true. Well not necessarily if it’s yours. “If it feels you’re the right one for it, it’ll fly back to you” because it now knows that no one else will treat it better than you will. It’s the same way in love.

Let them leave if they want to even after all your desperate attempts. When they see that no one will treat them better than you will, they will always come back. The only thing is that you are no longer obligated to be with them then. It’s up to you to then choose if you still want to be with them or not.

3. Know How to Move on After a Breakup

I’m not saying pretending to be fine while hoping your ex will come back to you. No.

Know how to completely move on and enjoy your life without that person in it. Try new stuff, go out more, and make new friends. Your life shouldn’t come to a halt because you ended a relationship.

[Bonus tip]: Women are more likely to return to an ex that appears to be doing better after the breakup than the ex that stopped working and started looking sloppy after the breakup.]

Though that’s not to motivate you to do better after a breakup. The only reason you need to move on after a breakup is to treat yourself right. You deserve happiness and that’s why you should do better. Not in hopes that your ex will see you and want to run back.

Final Thoughts

Dating is a rollercoaster of events, emotions, and experiences. Whichever side of the coin you’re experiencing, always remember to communicate and if it doesn’t work out, move on with your life.

All in all, ensure you’re living life to the fullest. You only get to live once here on earth. Live it without regrets!

All images are sourced from Istockphoto.com