The Heart of a Lioness: Temitope
Based on a true life story.
When I married Arinze we had nothing. Two fresh graduates from Unilag coming together to build something. In the beginning we were so poor we could not afford a simple cup of garri of 50 naira. Then we moved to Benin in the hopes that at least food there would be cheaper than Lagos. At Benin we rented a one room apartment to shame all one room apartments.
This room of ours had no ceiling so the mosquitoes came freely in through the hole in the zinc. Our mosquito net was a feeble attempt to keep them out and we would spend some nights lying there awake just so we could get to kill the ones that victoriously made it into the net before they bite us.
My name is Temitope Olowoshina. Anyone who lived around the Lagos-Ibadan axis in the ’80s will find that my last name rings a bell. My father was a very successful farmer and businessman. He had farms everywhere, he did business with Indians at that time. In our neighborhood, ours was the first Family to own a television.
In those days when a show was going on all the children, adolescents and some bold adults would come to our house(my father would plug the television outside) to watch it. My father had twenty children from his five wives of which my mother was the first. Yet he managed to send us to the best schools and even went as far as sending some of my siblings abroad. It is necessary for you to know my background so you will realize we lacked nothing. Poverty was an unreal word to me.
One day I was listening to the radio in my mother’s room when Dolly Parton’s “Coat of Many Colours” came on. Listening to it I became mesmerized with the words, one is only poor only if they choose to be, and though we had no money, I was as rich as I could be…
Then I sighed and said to my mom. “I wish I was like her o, with a coat of many colours even if I don’t have money”
“Shut up!” my mom barked at me making me shift quickly away from her. “Do you know what poverty is? Foolish child”
Those words of my mother followed me everywhere for many years. I now knew what poverty was. I knew it was being pregnant and unable to afford fruits and milk. I knew it was having to eat meals like Eba and beans which I hitherto wasn’t used to. I became emaciated and when I had my first son you could count the bones in my body from just looking at me. After I had my baby I realized we couldn’t continue living with mosquitoes so I took a chunk from my savings and rented another apartment for us to stay. This one was marginally better than the other. The ceiling was there, the only problem was that there was no toilet in the house and we had to walk a distance into the bush to do our business. I still thank God for saving us from snakes and other dangerous reptiles at that time. Our people say, cow wey no get tail, na God dey remove fly from im yansh.
I met Arinze through a friend of mine. I was sitting inside her room one day when a young man poked his head in. He greeted us, his eyes lingering on me, then he motioned for my friend to meet him outside. When Nneka came back she told me her brother(the young man) said he liked me. I laughed and told her “OK”.
I was a beautiful girl, I wasn’t short of attention from men. I didn’t mind adding him to my retinue though and I did just that. He was working and schooling at Unilag at that time. I admired his tenacity. My father footed all my bills so I could imagine what it was for him to do that all by himself.
While we dated we had a lot of quarrels. I had problems with his hair, his teeth, his nails and his feet. He just looked so dirty to me. He would leave his hair unbarbed and uncombed and just wear a smelly cap over it. I would shout and shout. One time I helped him shave his legs because he complained of itching only to find lice was what was causing his discomfort. I taught him how to bath properly, wash his teeth properly and dress properly. Just so he would be presentable when I introduced him to my family.
I know you are all wondering why I took such pains. Well, I liked the guy, he was quiet and calm. He was hardworking and he wasn’t rich. I had heard so much of rich men marrying women and relegated them to the background afterwards. I had seen it in my home. When my father became rich he told my mother to stop working as a nurse so she could better take care of his children.
That was how my mother became a housewife that cooked from Dawn to dusk for all my fathers children. As the years ran by she withdrew from people and became anti-social. She even stopped visiting her family members. I would look at her and pity her. She would tell I and my sisters “Make sure you have your own money, so a man will not rubbish you”.
We can say I was following my mother’s advice when I married this poor man. My father funded our wedding. I sewed my wedding gown myself because I couldn’t afford to take it to a tailor. My father’s influence brought dignitaries to our wedding and they brought monetary and other gifts. We added all that money together and used it to pay our debts. We began our happy married life living on my savings. Then after the birth of our son, Arinze got a job working at an Electrical Electronics company.
They were paying him 2,000 per month but they gave him a company car. It was during this time that I got pregnant with my second child so I took another chunk from my savings and went to enrol my son Chukwuka in school. My savings were running really low and Arinze wasn’t bringing much home, he kept complaining that his boss owed him many months salary.
I did not go to my parents. I was too proud for that. What would I tell my father? That he had raised me, sent me to school only for me to land myself in squalor? When I had my little girl my younger sister came to visit me. She almost wept when she saw the situation we were living in. She quickly went to the market and bought me baby bath and baby things.
She saw very clearly that I would not be able to afford those basic things. She is one of those people I will be forever grateful to, those who helped me in my time of deepest need. When I and my baby were settled enough to leave the house, I took my CV and went job hunting. My search took me to my son’s school.
The proprietor looked at my credentials and told me there was no vacancy for my qualification. The only vacancy was in the KG 2 class. I told him I would take the job anyhow. I was desperate for anything, my savings was finally gone and I didn’t know where I would get money for school fees for my little boy next term. I took the job on the condition that my salary would he used to pay my son’s school fees and my baby’s daycare fees when she was old enough.
That was how I began to teach with a very hungry baby at my breast. At this point my children were my only joy. My handsome little boy and my chubby food loving daughter were the apple of my eyes. I did my job so well that parents came by school to thank me for obvious improvement in their children’s performance. The proprietor was pleased.
Two years later the principal of my school got married and moved away with her husband leaving a vacancy I was qualified to occupy. That was how I moved from KG teacher to principal. My salary increased so I was now able to buy things like new clothes and the like for my family. One day, a colleague of mine caught me buying singlets for my husband. She walked up to me and dragged it from my hands.
“What is wrong with you?!” She asked. I was very surprised. I didn’t know what I had done wrong.
“What?” I asked.
“Look at you, she began ” buying things for one useless man, has he ever bought a pair of panties for you? She asked
“No” I replied
“Has he ever bought for your children?” She asked again
“No” I replied tiredly
“Then why are you fooling yourself? Ehn? You’re buying him clothes he’ll use to carry other women. Buy for your children. These children are your own. See, if I ever see you buy something for that man again I’ll slap you!” She concluded walking out on me.
Is it not ironic that I never fully took her advice until many years later. Now we were living in an okay apartment. We now had four children, Chukwuka, Nkiru and the twins a boy and a girl. I had another teaching job, this time in a big private school. I was earning well. So was Arinze. He was working part time at College of Education Igueben. He earned way more than me.
Yet, all he gave us was feeding allowance of 5k. Feeding allowance that was supposed to cover both food and toiletries. It was worthless money even at that time. What would five thousand naira buy? I ended up spending most of my salary to keep the family afloat. It was during this time that my eyes opened to reality and I realized how wicked my husband was.
Previously, when he had no job I would buy him clothes just for him to look presentable and not disgrace me at church. I bought clothes for our children, I paid their school fees, the only thing I didn’t pay for was rent for our house and that was because we now lived in his late father’s house. Funny thing is, Arinze gave me that 5k every month boldly. He never asked if it was enough, he never asked if we needed anything.
When we had quarrels he would rave about how he housed, fed and clothed me. I began to feel really irritated at him. I wanted nothing to do with the man. I had gotten to that stage as a wife when I didn’t think our marriage was worth anything anymore. Everyday started with regrets, I wondered daily what had pushed me to marry such a heartless man. I felt deceived and humiliated.
He noticed. Our sex life went down the drain. Then he threatened to make me quit my job. He told me it was my job that was coming between us. Then I got pregnant one day, accidentally. I wanted the child. The advise of my former colleague rang in my head everyday. These children are your own. Anyway, if I wasn’t hearing her voice I would be hearing my husband’s.
I don’t want any more children. If you have this child get ready to take care of him yourself.
A great thing about this world is no matter how much you’re suffering today, tomorrow will certainly be better. When our better day came it came as a job for my husband. College of Education was going to retain him. We jubilated that day. Arinze bought a cute baby car for our little boy and I forgot I had been discharged from the hospital after having him with my own money, forgot I had bought his baby things, alone. That’s how fickle the human mind is, we easily forget past wrongs when the future seems a little rosy.
Before now I and my husband had been building a house. I financed the project, the buying of the land, the pouring of foundation to lintel level before he got his job. Now that he was getting a lot more money he was now able to join hands with me so the house would move faster. It took us two additional years to complete our duplex before we moved in. Not long after Arinze bought himself a Camry Toyota. We were delighted, fortune was finally smiling on us.
Many times, I would discuss our early humble beginnings with my children and at the end of the tale I would beckon to the house and the car. I felt like I had finally arrived. The day my bubble burst dawned like any other day, I was sitting in our bedroom when my husbands phone rang. It was not a habit of mine to pick his calls so I ignored it but the person kept calling so I decided it wouldn’t hurt to pick it and at least tell the person he wasn’t available.
I picked it and a woman spoke from the other end.
“Arinze” she called my husbands name with such impunity my eyebrows raised.
“This is his wife” I replied
She paused for a while before she said ” I would have loved to speak to Arinze but you will do. I’m pregnant. And I want to discuss what we’ll do with this baby with Arinze or the both of you”
I was dumbstruck. I couldn’t believe my ears pregnant? Another woman pregnant for my husband.
Arinze came back home and met me boiling over with anger and pain. I didn’t wait for him to put his bag down before I confronted him.
“I picked your phone today and discovered you’ve been going around getting women pregnant ” I spat
He froze with his hands unlacing his boots. He knew what I was talking about and that made it even more painful.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” I prodded him when he remained silent
“Nothing! If I have a child then that child should be with me his father.” He replied
“What?! You plan to bring another woman to this house? My house?” I laughed maliciously for so long that Arinze looked at me as if I had lost my mind. I was shaking in anger. After all I had done for this man. After standing by him through all our hardship this was how he planned to repay me.
I told him what my decision was in the evening.
I was never going to allow him to marry a second wife and If he went ahead and did that I would cease to be his wife. The house was for both of us, so I was not going to leave, we would share the house into two and live separately. Luckily all our children were old enough to make their decisions except one – my little boy who was young enough to automatically be my responsibility. After I gave him all my conditions, I walked out of the house taking my son with me. I was going to give him three days, just three short days to come to his senses and realize a lion is never used as sacrifice.
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