Your Confident Façade is Truly Your Shyness Exposé
Do you ever quail at the mere thought of meeting someone new? Have you ever felt that your entire world may just crumble away should you dare make contact with the person speaking, standing right before you? Do you ever experience a case of the jitters when you are about to make an important call? Has the notion of possibly giving a class presentation ever had you seemingly locked in the grip of hope that the ring of the school bell will somehow come to your rescue again?
Well, if you happened to notice your head slightly bobbing as you were reading all that, then perhaps you may, indeed, exhibit the qualities of a shy person—but don’t worry: It is not a totally fatal condition. If you seek to leverage your shyness, then you shall find all that hidden confidence, fearlessness, and exuberance (of which you yourself may have at times caught yourself admiring in those around you) within you.
You are not alone. We all can certainly feel a sense of shyness from time to time. But when it becomes recurrent, causing internal suffering, then it is no longer simply a “fleeting feeling.” Rather, it is now, though metaphorically, an evil that you must now work to overcome. (Well, luckily for you, you may have some of that work already cut out for you: As you read on, you shall uncover the various artillery you will need to successfully ward off your shyness, and thus own and begin to command it.) Fight on!
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Monitor Your Self-Consciousness
At some point, you’re going to encounter the ever-pervasive thought that the world is always watching you. (Self Alert! Dismantle the thought) If truth be told, most people are actually watching themselves. So, they probably wouldn’t care all that much if you were having a bad hair day, or if your clothes were just a little bit ill-fitting. And if the truth be further disseminated, all that invalidation you feel has no real source but your head that’s currently engaged in playing tricks on you.
So instead of perceiving yourself using someone else’s eyes, use your own pair—and in fact, boost the probing factor while you’re at it and take the opportunity to look inside of yourself. Be more self-aware of your strengths, your weaknesses, your flaws and all. Self-awareness is the first step in any quest dedicated to improving the quality of your life.
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Become Acquainted with Your Future Rejections
Not every single person you meet is going to see you for the awesome person you are. The sooner you realize this, the better—and the quicker you will be on your way to exposing and understanding your shyness for what it truly is. So, expect that you may be rejected at times, and learn not to take it personally. Rejection happens to everyone. It is, after all, a part of life, and life is, really, a slew of lessons to be learned. So do yourself a favor, and therefore permit your mind to benefit from some habitual mental preparation.
Check in With Your Inner Monologue
You may not know it now, but the words with which you mentally regard yourself go a long way in shaping not only the decisions you make in life, but also their outcomes. (Self Alert! Conduct daily check-ins with your inner monologue) Learn to “speak” with self-affirmative language.
Alternatively using self-deprecating language serves no real purpose but to make you endlessly feel miserable about yourself. So should you find yourself shrinking away during a social situation, simply take a moment to compliment yourself, however you like: “I am beautiful; I am strong. My self-worth is independent of others’ opinions. And though I may have my shortcomings, I say that I am ‘perfectly imperfect.’” Speaking words as these will boost your self-confidence, and that is surely a major step toward taking back control over your shyness.
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Actually Breathe for a Moment
Fear and anxiety can seem overwhelming in the face of situations that could pose potential triggers for your shyness. It may even appear that the whole world will come crashing down on you should you finally confront such situations—but Reality would have that it almost never does. (Self Alert! Remember to “catch” your breath occasionally to restore your mind’s clarity)
A simple strategy for achieving calm and managing your anxiety is to breath deeply with your eyes closed, and simultaneously hold your focus on this easy yet effective action. Gradually breathe in and out while slowly emptying your mind’s content. Continue thus for a few minutes until you begin to feel comfortable. Then, commence once more for another turn. You can easily train yourself in this practice inside of a bathroom, a free room, or in times during which you feel a rise in your anxiety.
Unearth Your Greatest Strengths
We all have different talents—and this “difference” remains applicable to the ways of expressing ourselves. It is important to know and fully accept the things we are good at, even should they differ for what’s deemed the norm. The first thing you need to do is to find something you are good at and keenly focus on it, and look forward to the awesome cultivation of your efforts. Shyness is often linked to a poor self-image, so identifying your strengths will help you boost your self-esteem.
Nurture Your Self-Love
This simply cannot be emphasized enough: Train yourself to appreciate and love the person that you are. With all the great assets you possess, it would truly be a disservice to do anything less. Engage in activities that you enjoy, and express gratitude to your body for all that it has allowed you to do (hopefully) with insignificant effort. Take the time to truly know yourself with appointments for face-in-the-mirror sessions. And regardless of what you may think, you, my friend, are amazing. The only person who doesn’t already think so is YOU!
Be Mindful of Your Body Language
“60% of human communication is non-verbal and 30% [of it happens through] the tone of your voice, which means that 90% of what you say doesn’t come out of your mouth,” explains Alex Hitchens, a professional matchmaker in the movie Hitch. Many researchers appear to agree that 60 percent to 90 percent of human communication does happen, indeed, through words. Your body language says a lot about you, and it even affects your mind by way of the feedback it gets for your actions from people’s reactions. Your crossed arms, your dreary look, and your poor posture indicate to others the state of your personality—and this is all before even actually meeting you!
Your eye contact is also an indicator of the “mood” of your communication. If you are constantly avoiding eye contact, twisting your fingers, or slouching your shoulders, then you may be unintentionally sending the message that you’d rather not be approached. (Self Alert! Be aware of your body language.) So, employ gestures that exude confidence: Look people in their eyes when they are speaking with you, walk as if you own the room, and most importantly, never sell yourself short by simply settling for something. In time, you will be as confident as you truly want yourself to be, and finally part from that façade. (Fight on!)
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Always Stay True to Yourself
Consistently trying to be someone else is not only pretty exhausting, but also frustrating. Please understand that you have a right to be different—and, of course, to be yourself, because after all, no two persons are alike. Accept that you may not be perceived as the most popular, or the most social. Lay your sights elsewhere, in places that resonate with your true character, for who knows?—Maybe finally achieving that popular status may not necessarily wind up filling you with the happiness that you had so much aspired for. Embracing your unique qualities once and for all is your true liberation.
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Continually Rise up to the Challenge
Overcoming shyness is not likely to happen overnight, so you’ll have to engage in a process that will ultimately lead to your foe’s oblivion. Allot for yourself small challenges every day, and gradually expose yourself to new social situations. Dare to sit, for instance, next to the person you’ve been adoring for the longest time, and perhaps, with whom you never thought you would be ever caught speaking. Interject your point of view in conversation, whenever you deem appropriate. It is also nice to regularly take note of all these small things you find yourself successfully accomplishing. Yet, do not make the mistake of taking on so much at a time that you risk overwhelming yourself. (Self Alert! Progress is still progress no matter if you are walking or running.)
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Increase Your Activity with Different Pursuits
Action is often also a great way for getting out of your bubble. Truly, playing a sport, becoming involved in theater, or even joining a volunteering organization allows you to take a leap forward. Whenever we do this—take a leap forward—we learn interesting things because we are in contact with other people. And while you stay engaged in a common action—whether it be a table tennis match, a theatrical play, or a soup kitchen—you may begin to notice you spend less time focusing on yourself. Undoubtedly, focusing on something else opposed to wondering what others may be thinking about you will help you overcome your apprehension, and soon award you with a shining confidence.
Make an Appointment with a Therapist
Sometimes, shyness proves so suffocating that it prevents us from taking off, and calmly contemplating the future. Even following well-meaning advice may not necessarily do the trick. Shyness may run so deep in our consciousnesses that the efforts of a professional become our best bet for possibly disentangling it. So, should it ever get bad, please do not hesitate to contact a trusted professional. Sometimes a few sessions with one is all you need to resolve any lingering anxieties and face your shyness head-on.
To overcome shyness, you must be ready to face it head-on—lest it gain total domination of you. It is a daily work that awaits you, no doubt; but your efforts will certainly be worth it, to feel released and significantly less stressed. Do not try to avoid it, because the more you attempt to flee from situations that trigger your shyness, the more you strengthen the experience of it. Rather, make these seemingly distressing situations conducive to your own personal growth, and thus become an observer and glean inspiration from yourself.
Finally, remember that the most important thing is to get used to taking a “softer” look at yourself, to accept that the desired changes may take time to happen, and that patience is key. Slowly but surely, by implementing these tips on how to overcome shyness, you will realize that those things that used to make you cower will have practically become nonexistent. You can read more here. So, dare to do those things you never thought you’d see yourself do. As a shy individual, to dare in of itself is already a win.
Stay beautiful and daring, girl!
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