Why Perfection is a Trap

Why perfection is so unnecessary and cliché.

See, it’s the year 2022, but a lot of things have surprisingly not changed about the world. It’s still most definitely a man’s world, the fight for and against gender equality is still very much on track. The world has a lot of expectations for the 21st Century woman—and one of those is perfection. In our daily lives, we are expected to be perfect—to be perfect ladies, perfect wives, perfect workers, and perfect mothers. We need to be pretty, but not too pretty; smart, but not too smart; accommodating, but not too accommodating.

There is always something that the world expects us to do better at. Just when we think we’ve crossed one hurdle, the world catches up with you and says “hey love, here’s another reason why you cannot stop being perfect. Here’s another challenge. Please buckle up for the next ride to nonexistent perfection island!!”

This journey to perfection is where we are forced to modify, squeeze and sometimes even bury a bigger part of ourselves and our needs, just to be conformed to a certain Image of expectation.

Have you ever wondered what the world would truly feel like if we toned down the endless expectations placed on women? We’re expected to do everything well, and yet it’s impossible to meet the shifting standards of what’s considered good enough. Indeed the journey to perfection can be exhausting—and sometimes self-destructive. While we modify and squish ourselves into the image of who we think others want us to be, we free ourselves of the burden of being truly acceptable. In this article, I’ll talk about some of the ways that you’ve been conditioned to feel like perfection is a necessity, and how you can start reclaiming your life.

What is Perfection?

According to Merriam-Webster, perfection is defined as the quality or state of being perfect: completeness. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw this definition was “Well, what the hell does that mean??” because let’s face it completeness means different things to different people so how can we possibly be expected to be “complete”? So I kept reading and found this second definition which to me made a lot more sense: Freedom from fault or defect: flawlessness. Now I know some might think that having no faults or defects would be a good thing but then again if we all were this way then wouldn’t we all be the same? Not only would we be boring but we would become a singular collective.

It’s a well-known fact that perfection is impossible to achieve. Yet despite this, perfectionism is one of the most common issues people face in their pursuit of happiness and fulfillment.

Let’s Define Perfection Like Society

First of all, let’s start with what perfection even means. In society’s eyes, it involves being emotionally and physically well-kept at all times. I’m talking about wearing makeup in the morning (even if you’re just going to work at home), staying physically fit so your body looks great in clothes, not having split ends in your hair, and always having your emotions under control.

It also means being smart enough to keep up with the conversation at a dinner party, having a wonderful marriage or relationship (or at least nothing to complain about), and being successful in your career or business. On top of all that, I feel like this ideal woman also has children who are well-adjusted and relatively trouble-free, and she has plenty of friends who love her and want to be around her constantly.

Of course, there’s always more room for improvement because nobody is perfect after all—so we have to strive for that next level of success or beauty or mindfulness or whatever else always seems out of reach.

If you’re reading this and you’re a woman, chances are you’re a perfectionist. If you’re reading this and you’re a man, I’m sure at least some of your female friends are. Somewhere along the way, you were taught that being perfect is better than being good enough. You probably didn’t realize it was taught to you—it just seemed natural. But it’s not natural—it’s an illusion pushed on us by society to make us feel bad about ourselves so we’ll buy more products and services to fix our perceived flaws. It’s time to abandon the notion that “perfect” is even an attainable goal, much less something we should strive for.

Why It Is Exhausting Being A Woman And Aspiring Towards Perfection Simultaneously

It is exhausting being a woman and aspiring toward perfection simultaneously because it is two different things altogether. Perfection takes thought; it takes work. It requires you to be in a constant state of self-criticism and self-deprecation. Furthermore, in the end, it doesn’t get you very far.

Being a woman is not the same thing as striving for perfection. Being a woman can still involve all of the above, but why would we want it to? Why would we want to be so hard on ourselves?

I can’t speak for every woman, but I think women are generally harder on themselves than men are, and that does not do us any good. We need to start taking better care of ourselves—and that starts with letting go of the idea of perfection, or at least the notion that it is something we should aspire towards. Being perfect just isn’t possible for anyone, and so why put so much pressure on yourself when life is already full of enough other pressures?

As women, we’re expected to be perfect. Or at least, we’re expected to strive for perfection. As someone who has struggled with perfectionism, I can tell you: it is exhausting.

What’s even more exhausting is that men are not asked to aspire to this kind of perfection. They don’t have to be smart and beautiful and talented and thin and well-dressed and sweet and affectionate. They don’t have to be everything all the time. And yet the constant pressure from society is that if you’re a woman, you should be all these things… and more.

The fact is: there is no way we can be perfectly perfect. Sure, we can try but in the end, our best efforts will always fall short of society’s expectations of us. And every time we fall short, we feel like failures.

My advice? Don’t bother trying to be perfect. Most of the time, nobody else will even notice the things you think are so wrong with yourself or your life or your job or whatever it is that’s giving you grief. If other people do notice something amiss, they usually won’t care—they’re too busy worrying about themselves!

What Causes the Desire for Perfection

It may be due to an unrealistic image people have of themselves or the world around them. Or perhaps a person has grown up in an environment where anything short of perfection wasn’t tolerated. With all of the pressures to be perfect in our lives, we often forget to focus on what’s important.

We’re constantly being bombarded with messages from the media and our peers that make us question whether or not we’re good enough, whether or not we’re beautiful enough, and whether or not we should be spending more time on self-improvement.

I’m a woman in my 20s and I’ve had my fair share of issues with being a perfectionist. I’ll even go out on a limb and say we all have (whether you’re a man or woman). We’ve all been told to be the best at something, that we can’t settle for less than perfect. And for the most part, it’s a good quality to have. It can push us to succeed and do what we love. But more often than not, it’s something that hinders us from doing our best because we let it get the best of us.

Society has been giving women mixed messages for centuries, and who can even keep up? We are expected to be as beautiful as possible, but also modest. We are expected to be ambitious in our careers, but also not threaten men by being too successful. We are expected to be loving, understanding wives and mothers, but also be sexy and adventurous. It’s a lot of mixed signals, and they are all designed to make us crazy.

Some people may feel a need for control over their circumstances. Whatever the cause, perfectionism is often rooted in fear: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of loss… the list goes on. To cope with these fears, people may try to create a sense of order by taking on more responsibilities at work or home, striving for perfection in all areas, or being overly critical of themselves or others.

The Issue Of Perfection; The Influence Of Mainstream Media

How The 21st-Century Woman Has Been Conditioned To Feel Like Perfection Is A Necessity

We live in a world where social media and reality TV shows now define the norm. The media’s portrayal of women and the way we’re expected to be, look or act is ludicrous. If we watch one ad on TV or read a magazine, we see that the women in it are airbrushed and altered with photoshop so much that they hardly resemble real people. We’ve become so accustomed to this ideal woman that we don’t even notice it anymore. Most people don’t realize the damaging effect this has not only on women but also on men. Some men have unrealistic expectations about their partners’ bodies because of this phenomenon and when those expectations aren’t met, some men feel entitled to body shame or belittle their partners. It’s just as damaging as when these ideals affect how women view themselves.

Another big one is body image. I’m sure you’ve heard it said before that beauty is in the eye of the beholder—and it’s true! People are beautiful because they have unique characteristics that make them so. For example, if someone has freckles, they might think they look ugly but those same freckles could be attractive to someone else! I think it’s important for us all to remember that beauty truly does come from within yourself and that no matter what anyone else says or thinks about your appearance, if you accept yourself for who you are, then others will follow suit.

A lot of times, these media portrayals of perfection are propagated by younger generations of women who are already trying to meet society’s standards because they want to be perfect, they want others to think they’re perfect and they want everyone else to try and be perfect too. It creates a self-perpetuating cycle of perfectionism that will never end until we all stop it together.

How To Deal With Perfection

• Focus on yourself. When you’re constantly focused on how others see you, you’re more likely to become obsessed with your appearance at the expense of your health and your happiness. So stop looking at yourself through other people’s eyes and create your lens.

• Focus on doing one thing well instead of trying to do a bunch of things perfectly. Try being an amazing friend or sister or daughter or wife instead of trying to be amazing at everything you do. That way, when you do make mistakes (and you will), they won’t seem like such a big deal.

Here Are Some Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Try To Be Perfect

• It’s impossible. Perfection doesn’t exist in this world, so why try to achieve it? It’s just setting yourself up for disappointment and failure.

• It’s exhausting! Trying to be perfect takes so much energy out of us that we don’t have much leftover for anything else in our lives. Focus on your strengths instead of trying to fix what you think are your weaknesses, and spend some time focusing on yourself instead of someone else’s expectations of you.

• You can never please everyone anyway! There will always be someone who thinks you could do better or who wants something different from what you’re doing now – even if they don’t say it out loud (or even realize it). So why waste your time trying? Instead, focus on your happiness first and foremost; then do what makes you feel fulfilled.

Conclusion

If the world wants us to be perfect at everything we do, it is going to be sorely disappointed. First of all,

Perfection simply doesn’t exist.

There is no way that anyone can do everything right all the time. And second of all, we don’t want to anyway! If you’re constantly striving for perfection in everything you do, you’re going to drive yourself mad and probably end up hating life in the process. While striving for perfection doesn’t hurt anyone, it is burdensome. letting the thought of being perfect hinder your ability to do your best hurts everyone involved (even those not directly related). So don’t be afraid to fail, take risks or make mistakes.

As long as you’re doing your best and having fun while you’re at it then you’re exactly who you need to be.

All images are sourced at unsplash.com