Why Dating in Lagos Feels Like a Job Interview
Dating in Nigeria is not for the faint of heart; you must have stamina. Navigating through modern dating in Nigeria, especially in Lagos, can be a very chaotic experience. if you’re like me, you have probably wondered: “Is it a date or a job interview?”
Dating in Lagos feels less like finding love and more like trying to land a six-figure job at a high-end company. You walk in looking cute, with your best personality and vibes, but somehow, you end up explaining your five-year plan, your salary range, and why your last relationship ended like you’re sitting in front of a panel of job recruiters. It’s like an HR screening, a LinkedIn profile audit, and more rolled into an awkward dinner date with someone who’s already sizing you up like you’re applying for a position you didn’t even know was open.
If you think I’m being dramatic, then you probably haven’t been on a date in Lagos. Grab a pair of glasses if you need one, as I try to answer this million-dollar question on why dating in Lagos feels like you’re constantly applying for a role titled “Significant Other.”
What is “Dating in Lagos” Anyway?
Dating, as we all know, is that chill phase where two people hang out, get to know each other, flirt, and figure out if they want to be more than friends. It’s that soft launch stage of love where there are no commitments yet, just flirting, intentionality (if you’re lucky), and maybe a bit of pressure from your friends asking, “So, what are you guys now?”
In Lagos, however, this simple act of “getting to know someone” has turned into a corporate affair with multiple stages and a checklist that’s as long as the Third Mainland Bridge. Here, dating is a full-blown project, and you’re expected to come prepared with a pitch deck.
The Screening Process (aka The First Date)
In a job interview, the first stage is to screen out the unserious candidates. First dates in Lagos are high-stakes events, and not just for love. They are intense and unfiltered auditions for sniffing out red flags, laced with a lot of expectations hanging in the air. You meet someone, sparks fly (usually in your DMs), and the next thing you know, you’re sitting looking all cute in a fancy restaurant in VI, praying that the bill doesn’t humble you and you end up at the restaurant’s kitchen washing dishes.
You’re both sitting across each other, silently going through the dating checklists in your head and wondering:
Is this person just aesthetically pleasing, or are they actually “significant other” material?
“Can this person hold a conversation without bringing up sex within 10 minutes? “Are they emotionally intelligent?” “Are they financially stable or just good at pretending to be?”
Oh, you thought this date would be chill? I told you Lagos dating is not for the weak. Your performance during this stage determines whether you move to the next stage or not.
You might think you’re there to find love, but really, you’re being evaluated like an entry-level applicant with zero experience but expected to have a 10-year career history. Relationship expectations are wild out here.
Let’s talk a bit about the items on the Lagos dating checklist.
Checklist Item 1: “What do you do?”
The classic interview starter is the “What do you do?” question. Don’t be deceived, it is never an innocent question. It’s code for: How much money are you making, are you financially secure and can you fund my soft life dreams?
For guys, it’s about proving that you have some zeroes at the back of a figure in your bank account and you’re not just “a tech bro” with a MacBook and pictures of your well-defined chest and abdomen on your Instagram page. For ladies, it’s about defying the assumption that you’re just another “pretty face with no sense” and showing that yes, you have something serious going on for yourself, goals, ambitions, and maybe a business plan. This question sets the atmosphere. Say the wrong thing and the vibe goes off faster than the PHCN power supply.
Checklist Item 2: What Are You Looking For?
In regular places, this question might mean: “Are you open to love or relationships?” But in Lagos? This is a trap. If you say “relationship” too soon, you’ll be considered needy. If you say “just vibes”, then you’re emotionally unavailable and unserious. Lagosians want intentionality, but also freedom. Basically, don’t be clingy, but don’t be unserious either. It’s like trying to write the perfect application letter; you don’t want to oversell, but you definitely can’t undersell either. No pressure, right?
Checklist Item 3: Who Do You Know?
Lagos is a city of networking, and your dating life is not exempt from this fact. Your social circle is your dating resume. If you don’t know any elite, then are you important in life? People want to know: “Do you hang out at the happening places?” “Do you have the right connections?” “Are you invited to the cool, fancy, and sophisticated events?” I mean, we’re talking about dating in Lagos, where clout is currency, and popularity is a love language.
The HR Interaction Round (aka Getting to Know Each Other)
Once you’ve passed the first date, it’s time for the HR round. The second stage is where checklist item 4 comes into play. You start to share your relationship history, your traumas, your values, likes and dislikes, and your medical history (for people who don’t have time to play around). In this stage, people want transparency but not too much. Vulnerability is sexy, but oversharing is a red flag. So now you’re walking on eggshells, trying to be real but also mysterious. You know, like when HR asks about your weaknesses and you say, “I’m a workaholic, I don’t know when to stop”. That kind of vibe, it’s giving HR, but romantic.
Checklist Item 4: What Are Your Values?
This is the “company culture” talk. Are you God-fearing or just church-going? Do you want kids? Are you family-oriented? Do you have relocation plans? What is your love language? At this point, both parties are weighing compatibility, goals, and passport color preferences. Because let’s be honest, if your love language is JAPA, dating someone who thinks Nigeria will “get better” is a recipe for heartbreak.
The Salary Negotiations (aka Financial Implications of Dating)
You have made it through the screening round, HR is impressed with you, and it’s time to discuss salary, which is usually a sensitive topic in the entire process. You want to be paid what you’re worth, but at the same time, you don’t want to come across as greedy.
In Lagos dating? Discussions about financial expectations are similar to salary negotiations. Living in Lagos is already expensive, and for some reason, dating here is a sport where men are expected to sponsor the entire experience from the ride, dinner, drinks, and sometimes, the date’s friend who randomly shows up because your date didn’t want to come alone.
Meanwhile, women have to deal with seemingly stingy men who want to know their cooking skills, home training, and “submission levels” after only two dates. Conversations about who pays for what, who brings what to the table, and what the table even looks like are political debates. Lagos women want to be pampered, but Lagos men are tired of being money-dispensing machines. It’s a tension-filled tango of entitlement and ego. Who’s “investing” and who’s “using” who? Nobody knows. Everyone is just trying not to be played.
Job Offers, Probation, and Ghosting
When you finally get the job, you might also get a probation period. Same as in Lagos dating. You start talking, catching feelings, maybe even a soft launch on Snapchat or Instagram, and before you know it, you’re either official or ghosted. Pray you don’t get the latter because getting ghosted in Lagos is wild. One minute you’re picking baby names together for your future kids, the next minute they’re “busy” for two weeks, and a month later, you start to hear “It’s not you, it’s me.” Just like getting rejected after three interview rounds, it will hurt, you may even shed a few hot tears.
The truth is, dating anywhere has its challenges, but dating in Lagos? It’s a full-time job that comes with a lot of hurdles and no salary. Maybe it’s the Lagos hustle. Everything in the city feels like a struggle, even love. With the heavy traffic, exorbitant bills, and just the general daily wahala, people just want to know that their partner isn’t an additional burden.
We’re all low-key traumatized, and it shows in how we date. We’re guarded, strategic, and hyper-aware of red flags, because let’s face it, nobody wants to end up being ghosted or with a broken heart.
So next time you go on a date in Lagos, leave the CV at home. Try vibes over checklists, genuine heart connection over credentials, be open-minded, and who knows? You might just find someone who likes you for you and not your resume. Dating in Lagos may feel like a job interview, but sometimes, just sometimes, you might find someone worth signing the offer letter for. And that, dear reader, is the real soft life.
Maybe love in Lagos isn’t dead, maybe we’re just interviewing too much and loving too little.
What's Your Reaction?
