What is a Woman’s Place in the Society, Home and World at Large?

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“What a man can’t do, a woman can do better. NOT What a man can do, a woman can do better. A woman is a complement, not a competitor”, a wise lady once said.

What is a Woman’s Place in the World?

This question has been the source of many controversies, arguments, and even failed marriages in extreme cases. Many women find themselves at a loss as to their role in the society, marriage, workplace, home, and the world at large. Are they supposed to be calm? Aggressive? Be the cook? A docile housewife? A homely mother not thinking of anything else but her children? A ‘baby maker’?

Is there even supposed to be a role? And the list goes on and on. But what exactly is the role of a woman in the world? We’ve all thought about this at one point in time.

For the ladies, you must have asked yourself this question during the course of your young adult years or even now. Note, I’m not here to say this is a woman’s role or that is a woman’s role. No. Because frankly, this topic is very diverse with a lot of controversial opinions and views.

I personally feel that that’s something each individual woman gets to decide for herself. I’ll explain. Nevertheless, you’ll agree with me that we all have our roles in life, whether we choose to accept it or not. Be it as a daughter, a student, an Engineer, a teacher, a Priestess, or even a freelancer.

It’s just that the role played is something that’s defined individually, based, of course, on the environment and circumstances we find ourselves in. It doesn’t make any sense and it sounds ironic, I know. Before I go any further, let’s first establish some terms.

Environment: This is where the woman finds herself in, that is where she’s born, where she marries, where she works, where she schools, the list is inexhaustible, even the people she finds herself surrounded with. All these play a vital role on the values instilled in her and her idea of an ideal woman as well as her position in the world.

Circumstance: Here, of course, is how she was born, her upbringing, the level of care provided to her. That is, was/is she an orphan, trained by a jealous and wicked aunt? Or a beggar with no family, introduced to the society at an early age without any form of warning whatsoever. Or born into a family that always made her feel left out, again the list is too long. Or is it being introduced to sexual molestation at an age where she doesn’t even know the meaning of love and lust? All these form the background of many women today. Their ideologies, standards, manner of approach, defensive nature, even feminism that’s so rampant today. Who they are, how they think, feel and judge, what they wear, say and show.

Now, what exactly is a woman’s place in the world? How does it affect the way she lives and how the world regards her?

In most parts of the world, the average woman is taught at an early age that her place is beside her husband, bearing kids for him and taking care of the home. Even if she decides to get a job in the long run and become a working class lady, the former is her real responsibility while the latter is just an addition that should not be mistaken for her primary duty.

No matter how much we want and try to downplay this hard fact, this is still the reality of most girls today. Going to school and getting a degree, no matter how outstanding it is, is secondary. In many homes today, the daughter regarded as the pride of the family is not the one with the most money or a successful career, but the one happily married with kids, to a prideful successful man.

I came across a book once, “THE SUCCESSFUL WOMAN”, an autobiography. This lady had her own company, was the sixth richest in the city, had her own car, house and was a committed feminist who fought for women’s rights especially rape victims. She was a lawyer, the best in the state.

Everyone envied her. Every guy wanted to date her, the youngest most successful lawyer in town, at just age 26. Every girl wanted to be like her. But no one knew her secret. It’s not what you’re thinking.

She was very satisfied with her life, extremely happy and vibrant. In fact, her most excited state was when she earned money. But she was bored. Even though she was always all smiles, could travel anywhere she wanted, she was bored. You see, she had learnt from an early age not to trust anyone, the origin of her trust issues that no therapist could cure.

Therefore, although she had four best friends she could call at any time of the day, deep down, she always felt alone. Not particularly lonely, but alone. To worsen matters, due to a series of bad relationships plus her career choice in life, she had this view about men…

Hold on, I’m getting somewhere.

The reason why I love this particular novel is because it’s not your usual cliché stories where the Main Character thinks all men are scum and later finds love in the arms of the same “scum men” that changes her view in the long run. No. This story was about a woman finding herself in herself. Not in her family, not in her friends, definitely not in the husband she married later, but in herself. I’ll elaborate.

This Lady (Miss Stone), one day found herself settling a dispute between one of her best friends and the husband. What was the cause of the problem? The husband impregnated the cook and her friend was livid. Being a good friend, Miss Stone went ahead to file a case against the man, which surprisingly, the man won. It was held in court that a divorce be commenced and child support be sent to the wife every month. That was all.

The woman in particular was left with a broken heart, money she did not particularly need, and two abrasive boys to take care of. As you can imagine, this further strengthened the resolve of Miss Stone. It was shockingly, in the life of an orphaned girl, she found herself. A girl that believed so much in the power of a woman, it was blinding.

First of all, I want to remark that a woman who decides to get married should be prepared with the responsibilities that comes with marriage. Don’t expect marriage to conform to your own lifestyle when you don’t want to conform to it. Life is full of compromise and anyone that says otherwise is just in denial. I’m mentioning this because this problem is the most popular these days.

Now as a woman, there are some questions that are paramount to self-discovery.

1. Who am I as a Woman?

A lot of women do not ask themselves this question and those that do, when they don’t find the answer they seek, ignore it and just keep going. Others answer the question in retrospect of who they think they are. It sounds psychological, I know, but a woman’s place can’t be determined without a little bit of psychology.

Even now, ask yourself, “Who am I?” I bet you can’t come up with a definite and precise answer. If you can’t find a definite answer, meditate until you do. Am I sassy? Am I easily scared? Beyoncé said, “I’m the best thing you never had”. Yes, it’s part of it.

Which brings us to our next question.

2. How do you see yourself?

Are you docile? Easy to bully and never has a definite say? Or do you see yourself as opinionated, the no-nonsense kind of girl? Or again are you the type that can’t seem to stay out of or in a relationship i.e. remain single? Your personality also matters. There are some women who hate being independent.

The fact that they have a man in their life that makes difficult decisions for them and takes care of them when they’re sick gives them joy. Others, it’s the fact that they can do everything by themselves that gives them pride. What exactly is your perception of yourself? Because the undeniable truth is people that(including the world) will see you exactly the way you see yourself. The aura you send out is directly proportional to what you think you are.

3. Why do you see yourself the way you do?

On what exactly do you base your opinion? Is it because your Mum has always told you you’re a strong woman that doesn’t need a man in her life? Or a woman’s place is two places; the family she is born into and the one she makes? Or was yours, “Be the one who makes the decisions, who gives the opinions, not the other way around?” Or was it, “The day you kneel for a person is the day you cease to be human”?

Which was it? What formed that proud personality? What is the origin of that timidity and fear of everything (falling in love, being happy)? All these fall under this category. It might seem unnecessary but trust me, the day you find answers to these questions, is the day you take the first step into determining your role or place in the society at large.

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I dare say if we, the women don’t even know our place, or role or duty, whatever you may call it, in life in general, how on earth do we expect the world to know?

No one is to blame of course, but the hard truth is the average woman has lost sight of who she is, what her ‘duty’ actually entails and why she even acts the way she does. It’s no wonder you tell a random housewife, “Just because you are working doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cook for your husband”, and she flares up. “I’m working, He’s working, he should know I’m busy and don’t have that kind of time.”

Better still something like this, “I’m not his cook, he didn’t marry me to be his slave, why should I do that?” They naturally turn defensive because of how much women try to prove something to themselves (I don’t know what) nowadays, by acting like they can do it all and they don’t need men in their lives or world.

As a result, the reality we’re faced with now is more confused young girls, more depressed, anxiety-filled ladies, more bitter, single mothers (there are happy ones of course), more spiteful youths taking weed and listening to loud deafening music to block out everything and not face reality, finding solace in the arms of a man, doing one thing or the other either to numb the pain or hide from something, be it inner demons or even the afore listed questions.

Our existence and behavioral characteristics gets to be determined and decided by parents, boyfriend, husband, teachers, friends, peer groups which in turn affects our place in the world. All these factors that usually go unnoticed, and look inconsequential, are actually leading items to the main issue.

A lady is not a competition to a man but a complement.

Someone once said that a man and woman’s place in the world can be likened to a human body. The man is the head and the woman is the shoulders. She acts as a support to the man while he does his thing. I don’t agree with that. A woman and a man are like the right and left hand. If the right hand is holding the knife, the left hand is the fork. “Complement each other”.

Again if the right hand holds the forks, the left hand holds the spoon. Need I say anymore? This is for a relationship scenario. In a work scenario, this ideology won’t work. That’s now where a man and a woman are equal. You can’t say you won’t follow orders just because it’s a woman who gave it. In summary: