Try me Again
We were equally matched in every way. We both had three siblings, Two brothers and one sister. All younger than us. We were both 8 year olds that came from middle class Christian families. The only difference between was that I was a girl and he was a boy.
I met David because of church, I never called him David though, his mother called him Toju and I called him Toju partly to tease him and partly because I loved the sound of his name. There was something personal about it, who wouldn’t love a name that ended with U?
The first time we played was in my house. Our church had arranged a program where a family would host another family for a day. Toju’s family came to our house. His parents, himself, his sister and their twin brothers who were just 2 years old at that time.
After eating a sumptuous meal of Cocoyam pottage with lots of dry fish, our parents shooed us to go play outside. That was when it happened. We devised a game where we would lift each other in our arms. Toju lifted me and put me down successfully but when it was my turn, I lifted him up and wobbled, he was tipped out of my arms and he fell head first on the concrete floor. There was blood everywhere.
Our younger ones began to cry loudly alerting our parents who rushed out and found Toju bleeding on the floor. His parents picked him up and took him to the hospital. My parents were so angry, they promised me a sound beating if something bad happened to him. Later that evening, Toju’s mom called to tell us he was okay. It was only a deep cut and no internal injuries.
Later that year my father joined the Catholic church and I never saw Toju again. I took to catechism like a fish takes to water. I fell in love with the piety and mode of dressing of the Reverend sisters. I became solemn trying to imitate them. My parents generally ignored me, maybe they thought it was just a childish fancy. When I was thirteen I called my parents and told them I wanted to join the convent. They sent me to boarding school.
Two years later I was back home for one of our holidays. At this time, I had given up on ever been allowed to go to convent. I was determined to just be a girl now. Boarding school had taught me to appreciate girlhood. I joined the girl empowerment group which made me see I was innately a feminist. I now had dreams of finishing school and conquering the world.
My mother was pleased with me. She showed it in subtle ways. The day I returned, my mother followed me into my room to unpack, she began to ask me about school. I told her I was my class captain, told her about my girl empowerment group and all their teachings. My mother’s smile was proud and relieved. I must have given both her and my father a scare with that reverend sister business.
It took me two weeks to get bored of wandering round our new house at the estate. On Monday I was ready to explore so I took down my old bike and rode through the streets. I was getting to the bend when a car sidled up to my bike. The young man smiled at me. He was fair in complexion and handsome. He looked around my age.
“Hello” he said taking off his sunglasses.
“Toju!” I exclaimed.
He looked at me shocked for a moment then he got out of the car and hugged me. We must have made a spectacle, this tall boy hugging this girl while she hangs precariously on her bike. I followed Toju in his car to our house. My mom screamed when she saw him. She hugged him so tight the poor boy almost choked. Then he ate lunch with us. While we ate my parents bombarded him with questions.
Where did they live now? He told them his family had moved to our estate two weeks ago. What about his parents? How were they? They were fine, doing good actually. My parents nodded, they had seen the car.
After lunch we both went out into the balcony, for a while we just stared at each other. Then he broke the silence and asked me about school. We talked for a long time, so long because I didn’t want him to leave. I discovered then that we both dreamed of getting admission in the same university. He left that evening and came back the next day, that was the second beginning of our friendship. I spent my holiday with him and enjoyed it so much I almost did not want to resume school. Before I left he gave me a charm bracelet as a gift, one of the love boxes had his picture in it.
At school I looked at it every day before I slept. It was when I came back home from school for the long August holidays that our friendship solidified and I fell in love with him.
It all started when I fell down and broke my leg while we were riding our bikes. Toju got down from his and put me on his back. We began our slow way to my house, I kept whimpering and Toju kept shushing me until we reached my house and my mom came out to help in carrying me into the living room.
Toju remained with me until the nurse my mother called in finished putting my leg in a cast. This is where the main story begins. Here I was now confined to my room so everyday Toju would visit to cheer me up. We played Ludo and Truth and Dare every afternoon until I had to go back to school.
I was so pleasantly in love with him and my dreams of our future together. Then one day Toju came and told me he was leaving. It happened like this:
I had just come back from school after writing my final exams. My parents were away; they had gone to visit my grandmother in the village. Toju enters and sees my lying on the bed listening to music. He sits on the opposite side and I smile at him in welcome but he doesn’t smile back so I nudge him with my foot. After a few nudges he looks up.
“I’m leaving” he says “my parents want me to go abroad with them”
I shot up from my lying position “What?!” Then I looked at him and he was so miserable I had to believe him. He came around to my side of the bed and hugged me. When I began to cry he kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my mouth. Before we knew it we were ripping our clothes off. Making love for us was mostly clinging to each other and a lot of crying on my part. Soon enough I had to let him go, my Toju, taken from me again. It was a very painful experience but I got over it alright.
It took me two months to discover I was pregnant. Looking back, I and Toju really didn’t use protection. Our inexperience coupled with our pain at being separated made us lose our senses. When I was sure I was pregnant, I knew my life was over. I fell into depression and my parents became worried. They thought I was glum because I missed school. I stopped eating. I thought eating would only make the baby grow faster. I wanted the baby to die. What kind of baby came when the mother was far from ready? I did not hate the baby I just didn’t want it at that time.
A fateful day brings my mom walking into the bathroom while I bath and seeing the little bump in my belly. She freezes, takes a long look at me and starts shouting, “Lola what is this?! What is this?!” My father walks into the room and asks what is happening and she tells me to quickly put on my clothes and come out to meet them. I walk out looking like a whipped dog. My father takes one look at me and knows my mom is telling the truth.
He walks up to me and starts shaking my shoulders in his way of asking me why? His heart is broken and it breaks mine even more. I begin to weep and my mother joins me. My father leaving us only to return with a phone in his hand. He thrusts it into my hand and its Toju’s mom.
“What did they say has happened to you?” Her voice is harsh; it is obvious she is very angry.
“I’m pregnant ma” I reply.
“For who!?” She screams in my ear. “Not my son! You’re trying to rope my son into your wayward life and you have failed!”
Toju’s father takes the phone from her and asks me to give it to my dad. They talk for a moment then my father gives it back to me. It is Toju.
“Hello Lola” his voice is beautiful; he already has an accent.
“Toju I’m pregnant ” I tell him bursting into fresh tears. He is silent for a moment and then he says, “I’m sorry Lola, but I’m not responsible for your pregnancy. Do take care of yourself ” then he hangs up.
The phone in my hand is the last thing I see before I collapse. I wake up in the hospital. The nurses fuss over me. One asks me ” This girl who give you belle? I ignore her and press my face into the pillow. A doctor is assigned to me and he tells me about the dangers of teenage pregnancy. At seventeen I am too young to be a mother but the situation is one that can be managed.
Going home is hard for me, seeing my parents disappointed faces is even harder. My mom does all the shopping for my baby’s things while I stay at home and stare out my bedroom window. And every day Toju’s betrayal burns in my heart. As my belly swells so does my pain and my disappointment. My father mostly ignores me; my mother only discusses with me about the baby, acting like my own personal nurse. It is during this period of confinement and pregnancy that I decided that if I was ever going to enter the university, I would study Nursing.
Six months later I have my baby. She’s so beautiful I name her Ayomide (my joy has come). My mother names her Oyedele (A crown has come to this house). My parents love her so much they decide to sponsor me to the university. By this time, I have aged a few years emotionally and have accepted my fate. Still I was very happy and grateful to them for not giving up on me so I start preparing for Jamb and post utme with a baby at my breast. When the results come I pass and I get admitted into the university to study Nursing. While in the university I join a girl empowerment movement. I become a public speaker and content writer teaching young women all over the country, particularly young women who have one way or the other become single mothers. Everywhere I go I tell my story. I urge other young mothers to not give up on themselves, I urge them to prove everyone wrong and be great. Having a baby is not the end of life, not the end of schooling or anything. Having a child should be something of pride and not shame.
I say that so much that I become proud of my situation. I refuse advances from men I meet on my own and men my parents try to set me up with. I graduate from the university five years later. I go to Abuja to serve as a Corp member, I take my position in Abuja branch of my Girl empowerment movement. I keep talking about my life and how I survived being a teenage mother. I visit hospitals and have heart to heart chats with pregnant teenagers. Ayomide comes to visit me and I take her for one of my hospital visits. She’s so beautiful, everyone loves her and it gives the girls hope. When I get back to Benin I work as a teacher in Royals Group of Schools for three years, teaching home economics and biology. My parents continue to match make, introducing me to different young men from church. I dissuade them politely.
One day my mother comes into my room and sits across from me on the bed. I move close to her and wait to hear what she has to tell me but she doesn’t speak until I get tired of waiting.
“Mummy what is it? I ask.
“Lola” my mother calls me in a typical African way. She calls my name and sighs.
“Ma” I answer her tiredly. Now I am sure of the reason why she is here.
“Lola do you know you’re getting older every day?” She asks me.
“I know” I reply
“You don’t, you really don’t. See my dear, your life is not over because you have a child” she says shaking her head at me.
“I know ma” I replied
“Okay then, at least I told you” she says and leaves.
That night I sat by my window and think about my life. Where was I going? What would I do when I grew old and no one was interested in marrying me? I was aware that one day I would need company. My parents would grow old and die. Ayomide would grow up and leave me. I would be left alone and manless. Then I considered the sexual part of it, I realized I had wanted to be a nun so many years ago. I also realized that I hadn’t had sex with anyone male or female since the day of Ayomide’s conception. I considered joining the convent once more then decided against it. I believed God had more use for me in the thick of things.
When I got employed at General Hospital Benin my parents threw a party at our house. They used the excuse that we are inviting church members to invite most, if not all of the young men they had introduced to me. I wore the dress my mother sewed for me just so she could parade me before all those men in the most hilarious manner. To her credit some of them were quite good looking and respectable. But I wasn’t interested. They all fussed over Ayomide, some even bought her gifts to curry favor. I left the party early.
Three months later I was at work when I received a call from my mother. Ayomide was sick. I needed to come home immediately. I rushed to my car and drove speedily back home only to see my daughter playing happily on the balcony. My relief tampered some of my anger but not all of it. I was so angry I marched into the living room. Too angry to see the young man sitting on the sofa but then he stood up and I had to acknowledge him. Besides I couldn’t start screaming at my parents in front of a stranger could I? Even if that stranger was Toju himself. I greeted him simply, greeted my parents and walked gently back to my room.
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