The Life of A Single Parent: What Does It Mean To Be A Single Mother?
The concept of single parenthood is one that is a little problematic to define. Who really is a single parent? Is he/she one whose partner is dead, lives separately from them or is legally divorced from them?
Is he/she one who simply chose to stay unmarried but somehow got children under their custody? Or is he/she one who gets little or no assistance from their partner in raising their child/children? Which of these persons perfectly fits the description of a single parent?
Anyway, despite the problem that exists in defining who a single parent is, there is no gainsaying the fact that people in this divide share similar qualities. A common denominator in the lives of these persons is that they are all solely saddled with the responsibility of catering for their children.
This is in spite of the degree of involvement of their ex-partner or partner (if they have one) in the whole process of child upbringing. So long as the children’s needs are almost always solely shouldered by you, you are most certainly a single parent.
Now, having examined the status of single parenthood, we now focus on what it actually means to be a single mother. There are a plenitude of single fathers and single mothers but our main focus in this article will be on the latter. We would like to see how women who raise their children single-handedly thrive and survive.
Being a mother is enough work already, attaching “single” to it means double work.
Pros and Cons of Being a Single Mother
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Being a single mother comes with a mixture of advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes, it is so overwhelming that the woman in question almost gives up, especially when she is totally alone in it. In the same vein, there are some benefits that come with being a single mother. Without further ado, we shall now begin to dig into these different phenomena that make single parenthood thick.
Pros of Being a Single Mother
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Being a mother is not the most flattering thing to be. It requires a lot of energy and sacrifice to really pull it off. However, the good news is that it is not always a deluge of negatives. There are some perks that come with being a single mother as well and we shall be discussing them below.
1. You Get to Choose How to Raise Your Child
One thing single parenting teaches is how to independently raise one’s child. There is little or no influence from a partner on how a child should be raised. You’re solely responsible for the parenting style to adopt in the upbringing of your child. This could be quite daunting but on the brighter side, it helps the mother to assume full responsibility of how best she wants her children to be trained as they mature into adulthood.
The usual conflict of ideas that exists between partners on matters such as this is normally absent and she therefore has a clear mind while deciding what’s best for her child/children.
2. Lots of Lessons to Be Learnt
While it is true that married mothers also get to learn a lot while parenting, it can’t be compared to the wealth of knowledge and experience garnered by single mothers who virtually spend the whole time with their children. They’re the only ones there to listen to their daughter’s boy problems and son’s girl problems.
They’re usually there when their child crosses a significant milestone in his/her life and has numerous questions to ask. Also, their hands are tied with a myriad of duties to perform. So they have no choice but to learn proper management of time and adequate planning skills.
3. Opportunity to Get Closer to Your Kids
A single mom is with her kids more often than a married one. So this gives her ample opportunity to get closer to them. Ordinarily, children are more attached to one parent than the other. However, in the case of a single parent, the natural thing is that they get so comfortable and warm up to the available parent. They want to discuss everything with you and spend more time with you generally.
This could be a plus to single mothers as they can capitalize on this by ensuring that they draw closer to their children.
Cons of Being a Single Mother
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As earlier stated, being a single mother is not an easy task. It involves lots of physical, mental, emotional and psychological exertion. Added to these are other inevitable challenges that come with threading the path of single parenthood.
1. It Could Get Quite Lonely
This is one of the first things about being a single mother that strikes one who is new in the business. The woman is overwhelmed at how alone in this whole wide world she feels when she’s faced with reality. There are times when she’d feel the desire for warmth, one which her children can’t provide. Also, she’d sometimes genuinely need some assistance in carrying out her duties. It is at these times that the searing longing for a helping hand would climax.
2. There’s Little or No Time For Yourself
Single mothers experience this a lot. There’s really no time to do things they’d love to do ordinarily. Since more attention is now paid on the children and keeping the house whole, they’re deprived of their alone time. Even on days where the children are spending time with a relative, they find themselves catching up on tasks they failed to complete previously.
This could be so tasking and frustrating but as we would later discuss, single moms can find a way out, temporarily at least. Lol.
3. Making Decisions Solo
Two heads, they say, are better than one. It is bad enough that the woman is already solely left in charge of the kids. Having them make choices concerning the children’s lives as well as minor daily decisions around the house is more work. It could get so overwhelming that they tend to make rash decisions sometimes. This leads us to the next point.
4. A Single Parent Compromises More
Because they’re weighed down physically and mentally, single mothers at times have to compromise more as regards their children. In situations where they would normally stand their ground and ensure that sanity is restored, they now become indifferent and sometimes, indulgent.
5. Financial Instability
It is worse for single mothers who do not receive a dime from some partner somewhere. Footing the bills together as a couple is no easy task, talk more of alone. This is prevalent among a wide expanse of single parents, especially mothers and if they don’t get any form of assistance as soon as possible, they might go bankrupt.
6. You Might Lose a Sense of Self
Being a single mother is a Herculean task that drains the person involved. If care is not taken concerning the person’s mental and physical health, such person would overtime begin to lose a sense of “self.”
7. Emotional Stress
As pointed out already, a single mother goes through a whole lot of stuff. Sometimes, they get needy and most often than not, these needs tend to be insatiable not because they’re making the effort but because their hands are tied.
Tips on How to be an Enviable Single Mother
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It has already been established that single parenthood involves a lot of work. However, it would be nice to know that one can actually pull it off, despite the vicissitudes involved.
1. Call for Help When Necessary
Sometimes, things would get out of hand and you just need to get more hands for the job. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help from friends, relatives and even your partner, if you have one. This would go a long way in reducing the stress incurred and the workload involved.
2. Take Well Deserved Breaks
This is very much needed if you don’t want to experience a breakdown. Know when it’s ripe to just relax and stay on a low. This doesn’t mean abandoning your responsibilities all together but setting your priorities right and knowing your limits.
3. Take Your Child/Children Out as Often as You Can
Even though this might be an almost impossible thing to do, it is still doable. Single moms should take out time to spoil their children in a way they deem suitable. This will not only be of immense benefit to the kids but also to them.
4. Make a Routine and Follow it Religiously
Routines help a lot to achieve success in dealing with monotonous tasks. They help to inculcate the values of discipline and accountability in the person involved in such task.
5. Talk Less About Your Partner (if you have one)
Constant talk about your partner, especially if things didn’t end on a good note, won’t really help matters. So why talk about them, anyway? It is enough stress already being a single mom, it shouldn’t be compounded with emotionally demeaning talks.
6. Your Health a Priority
Your health shouldn’t be sacrificed on the altar of performing your duties as a single mother. Do regular medical checkups and ensure that you eat well. If you’re on a special diet, it shouldn’t be taken to the extreme as to become detrimental to your health.
7. Be a Thrifty Spender
There’s enough financial strain on you already, so why spend extravagantly? Make sure to spend only on stuff you need and not what you or your child simply craves.
Conclusion
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So far so good, we have looked at what being a single mother entails and from your judgement, I believe you’d agree with me that it is indeed a Herculean task. True, it has its good sides but it is unarguable that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, there is still a glimmer of hope. If the above enumerated tips are followed religiously, this writer believes it would be of great benefit to single mothers and by extension, single parents out there.
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