Stay At Home Mom Vs Career Mom and Finding The Balance
Moms are the best people. Being a mom is a full-time job and yet they go through it with minimal complaints. A stay at home mom is essentially a mom who stays at home to care for her children while a career woman spends most of her time working on her job. The option to be either of this type of mom comes with its own pros and cons.
Stay At Home Mom Pros and Cons
Pros
- More time to spend with kids
- Spend less on childcare
- Complete control of what goes on in the household
- Flexible routine
Cons
- Less time to spend on self
- Being overwhelmed with house chores
- High-stress rate
- Sadness and depression
- Fewer resources
- Little or no social life
Career Mom Pros And Cons
Pros
- More resources
- More time for self
- Great social life
- Great sense of fulfillment
Cons
- Less time to spend with kids
- Might be an absent-minded parent
- Stressful work hours
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How to Find The Balance
In this mom business, there is a need to find balance. Tipping the scales in one direction might be harmful to you and your kids in the long run. It is also important to realize that our society will always expect too much from moms. A stay at home mom gets blamed when there are not enough resources in the home, while a career mom has to worry about not taking good care of her kids. So don’t let it get to you when others tell you you’re abandoning the kids or abandoning yourself.
Here is how you can find a balance as a stay at home mom or a career mom.
Stay At Home Moms
If you have been a stay at home mom for a while or you are just about to make the decision, it is important that you do the following things.
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Embrace Your Choices
Whether you’re about to become a stay at home mom because your work hours are becoming too unpredictable, or because you feel you need to spend time with your kids, embrace your decision. Firstly make sure that it is yours. Is someone forcing you? Are you making the decision because your mother-in-law said your kids need their mother at home?
Ask yourself these questions and come to an agreement with yourself that whatever happens, you did it because you wanted to. Embracing your choices would help you stay afloat in times when you feel like you’re drowning inside all those dirty clothes. It would help you to not feel cheated, forced, and deceived when you raise your head and see that the world is moving on, and fast.
There is dignity in being a stay at home mom. Do not allow anyone to tell you that you are not contributing enough. You are working as a caregiver to your child and that is admirable.
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2. Find a Hobby
A hobby would help you create a template for “Me time”. It is easy to become so involved with being a mom that you stop having time for yourself. The trick is to look back every week/month and try to remember how many hours you had to yourself per day/week and what you did with those hours. Falling into a deep stress sleep does not count as “Me time”. Whatever you do during that time should be rejuvenating and exciting.
3. Get a Part-time Job or Volunteer
A part-time job would keep you feeling relevant while still leaving you with enough time to be a mom as much as you want. It would also help you with more money to take care of some bills. Volunteering at a firm, a non-governmental organization, a charity group or even a local business would give you the satisfaction of helping out.
It would also improve your chances of getting a job later by providing you with work experience and give you the opportunity of interacting with a larger group of people.
4. Study a New Course
There are a lot of online courses that you could take. You could register for some with a token while others are free. A new course which would come with its own assignments and tasks would help you feel productive and reduce the atmosphere of stagnancy and routine that being a stay at home mom could cultivate.
5. Make New Friends
Being a stay at home mom could leave you with little time to actually have a normal social life. Your friends might even say you’re no longer fun when they catch you always talking about your kids. They might complain that they can no longer reach you because you’re always busy.
You might also feel disconnected from them because you now have different experiences and because of that, little to talk about. If you decide to cut off from friends, very soon you might start feeling lonely. You need to make new friends with interests which are now closer to yours.
6. Share Chores With Your Kids
When you see your kids as your teammates, it would be easy to delegate duties to them. Sharing work with your kids reduces burnout greatly. It also helps your kids develop a sense of responsibility and the ability to carry out various tasks and duties that would help them greatly as they grow into adults.
Start with giving them little errands and tasks that fit their age and size. You’ll be amazed at how much relief you’ll get from delegating those tasks to others.
Career Moms
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Embrace Your Choices
Oftentimes, society makes women feel bad for wanting to work outside the home. You’ll get people asking you questions like; Did you leave the kids at home with their father? How do your kids fare with you being away all day? These questions can bring a feeling of guilt that is difficult to shake off.
As much as you’re a mom and responsible for the little babies, you are also responsible for yourself and your own happiness. Does going to work make you happy? Does your job make you feel fulfilled? Did you decide to work because of the pressure from your partner and society?
In heterosexual relationships where women are sometimes responsible for almost all the housework, working a full-time job could be a hassle. Besides that, is it what you want? If it is, then go ahead.
2. Get Flexible Work Hours
I know this might be hard to do, especially in cases where you have to work two jobs but you really need to make it work out. Discuss with your boss about the best way to reduce your work hours so you can have more time with your family. This would also help you be available for unforeseen emergencies.
3. Share House Work/Childcare With Partner
A family works best when both partners are contributing equally. You should probably have a conversation with your partner on how to share housework and child care. This would prevent you from having a breakdown while trying to juggle work and house chores. Getting a housekeeper that comes in regularly would be helpful.
4. Get Adequate Child Care
Whether it is a daycare facility or a nanny, knowing that your child is safe and happy at home will help you feel at ease and enable you to quit worrying about your child.
5. Make allowance for Family Time and Kids Time
You really don’t have to spend all day/year for your kids to feel the impact of your presence. They need their space too and will miss you more if you’re not readily available all the time anyway (kids with special needs could be exceptions). Quality time is what is important. Teaching them, playing games with them would quickly fill the voids all of your absences can leave.
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6. Discuss Work With Your Kids
Your kids are not too little to understand. Sure, they won’t understand all the nuances of your job but you should not make it seem like your job is a place that takes you away from them. A place that only you can enter. Simply telling them about a stressful day could make them feel involved with that part of your life so much that they’ll stop asking questions like; Why are you always at work Mommy? with heartbroken tones and start asking instead, How’s work? Do you need to rest?
Finally, as a mom, you should know that you do not have what it takes to be the best mom in the universe (no one has) so quit trying. In contrast, you have everything you need to be a good mom, a loving mom, a super mom right there inside of you. All you need to do is tap into it.
Do what’s best for you and your kids and you’ll be grateful you did. The mistakes are bound to happen, don’t beat yourself up for it. Just a little more effort and you will get it right. XoXo
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