My Relationship Experience: 6 Tips on finding Mr Wright

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My name is Jumoke Oluwaseun. I am 27 years old and I am still single. I am currently late for my own ‘MEET AND GREET’ for the new book I wrote ‘6 tips on finding Mr. Wright’. It’s the Lagos traffic and it is even more difficult now with the Okada ban.

I feel tired most times with the kind of life I live. Having to put up this show for everyone to think that I am happy with my life. Living like a specimen for my own examinations and dishing out the results to my readers, so their lives could be better. Fortunately, I am a writer and I write for single ladies. If you were a single lady, then you would be my reader.

JOHN- Let Tunde Be Yetunde While You Judge Your Johns

I met John in secondary school, boarding school to be precise. It was a mixed school and we had both day students and boarders in attendance. Fela Demonstration High School, I can never forget my days there.

In my first year, I had a crush on Tunde. It was perfect. He sat behind me in class, his birthday came after mine, we both could dance, it was too bad we weren’t in the same schoolhouse. This meant I couldn’t sit next to him in the refectory. As the universe would have it, his sister was my bunkmate, what we called ‘bunkee’ and this meant I was doing sister-in-law duties. She would always call me ‘my wife’ while I washed her uniforms, ironed them, did her laundry and some other chores. Fortunately for me, I got my heartbroken.

If I am honest, I had never acknowledged to Tunde that I liked him, neither did he. He never asked me on a date and I never said yes. I only assumed we were dating and he led me on. I mean the gifts he got me, our eyes meeting, the caring attitude, argh! Of all days to get my heart broken, valentine’s day chose me.

The tradition was that; the junior students were sent by the boys from the boys’ hostel to deliver gifts to the girls in the girls’ hostel. If you were a junior student, then your friend would do the delivery. Every girl stood at the entrance of the hostel waiting to see if they would get a present.

There stood me in the midst of expectations, waiting for my present from the love of my life, my seat partner and my birthday mate. Well, not only did a gift elude me, Tunde sent a gift and a love note professing his love for my classmate, Bisi. I cried my eyes out. Never you assume you are in a relationship with someone unless he asked and you said yes. Mr. Wright will definitely ask you out on a date. In my case, Tunde is yesterday’s Yetunde.

After the whole Tunde saga, in my second year, I met John. You see John came to our school that year but I did not really fancy him. I wasn’t in for another heartbreak, maybe this time it would be on Christmas. But, fate had its own will. John was in the same schoolhouse and class with me. I saw and sat with him in the refectory and class as well as in lessons. So well, we became best friends.

The thing was that John liked Igho, and Igho liked David. What a messy love triangle. As his best friend, I encouraged him to express his feelings to Igho rather than die in silence and he took my advice. Well, it didn’t go well, Igho revealed she was in love with David and John was heartbroken. He barely ate his food in the refectory and he looked gloomy all the time.

Here I was, best friend to the rescue. I advised and cared for him. He asked Joy out and they dated for a short time. Then boom, he asked me out. Fine, I already knew I could not assume I was in a relationship unless I was asked and I said yes. But the question now was how could I say yes? I mean I liked him, but not that I ‘liked’ him. So, I said yes, out of pity. I couldn’t hurt him after Igho had crushed his heart.

I started dating John, my best friend. The relationship wasn’t romantic; we were just palatable. Little quarrels because we were already friends. On valentine’s day this time, I was nervous, I mean what if he says he wasn’t interested or sends a gift to someone else or he didn’t send a gift at all. It was then I heard my name.

Senior Jumoke, Senior John is waiting for you in front of the sickbay.

I returned with a giant teddy bear, chocolates, cake, clothing, etc. It was magical. I was teased by my classmates, I loved the feeling. Hahaha, who’s laughing now?

My feelings for John began to change, from like to LIKE and eventually love. Things changed for John too, he became demanding.

As my girlfriend, you have to do this and that.

My ears were full. Whatever happened to my best friend John? The sweet and kind John. He was still sweet and kind but his looks were filled with something other than love – Lust. After much cajoling, I finally gave in and we kissed. I thought about it for a whole week. I would think about it and giggle to myself. For a lovesick girl that I was, a kiss was equivalent to an orgasm.

John left our school because he wanted to travel out of the country but we were still in the relationship, three years and counting. It was then Braimoh came along. He asked me out but well, I just knew when I didn’t like someone. Besides, I still loved John and I remained faithful in his absence. John wasn’t financially buoyant, but I was too deep in fairytales that every file from Disney princesses could not be erased from my memory because of money, so I still said ‘no’ to Braimoh.

Braimoh got me a Blackberry phone. I mean having a blackberry at such a time was a golden opportunity. I and Braimoh became close friends. It was then Braimoh told me something that was more than the heartbreak I had on valentine’s day. Modarun! He told me about my kissing ordeal with John, I mean, he gave me a detailed account. Such an intimate occurrence was between me and John alone. How on earth did Braimoh know about it? John had spilled.

I felt like a fool. I mean I was. I gave my love and life to John only for me to end up being a score between him and his friends. What if I had slept with him? Thank God I didn’t. As if I wasn’t already licking my wounds, someday- students, female to be exact, told me John was dating someone outside the school.

When I got home for the midterms, I ended things with John. I asked him but he denied. I felt betrayed and confused. I should have judged the matter better. I should have known that there was a difference between being best friends and being in a relationship. I also shouldn’t have been blind to the obvious bad characters I saw in John. I should have never entered a relationship out of pity.

ELLIOT- Never Trust Saint Elliot

After my experience with John, I made a promise to myself never to go into a relationship until I was sure I wanted to go into courtship and eventually get married. But Elliot happened. I met Elliot when I got a job at a brewery company. It was a general meeting with the staff on my first day at work. I didn’t know the staff wore corporate clothes to such meetings. I wore jeans and a T-shirt. When I stepped into the room, all eyes were on me and they were scrutinizing. Then comes this young man with his brightest smile and ushers me in. He politely tells me that they only wear corporate to official meetings and I told him it was only my first day.

I felt embarrassed but well I got someone on my side. The next few weeks on the job were great and I felt alive. I barely spoke to Elliot after that day. I found out he was the general manager of the company and I had successfully embarrassed myself in front of him.

It was another general meeting, three months after and I made a mental note on putting on my best corporate plus I had a magnificent pitch to present. I did great at least the comments from my colleagues asserted that. I loved my job and I wasn’t going to trade it for anything or so I thought.

A week after my Oprah Winfrey like pitch, my boss, Elliot called me asides and said the most unbelievable thing.

I couldn’t stop thinking about you since your pitch, go out with me.

This is me reminding myself of my promise never to date again… blah blah blah. This is still me feeling like the next big thing that happened to akara as my knight in shining armor just asked me out. Well, I knew I shouldn’t date someone out of pity or some other emotion. I was more mature now, in case he went on to tell his friends of our intimate times together. But well, this time I made him wait, just to be sure.

Do you know the most difficult thing about dating your boss? Well asides seeing him at work, you have to know when you are talking to Elliot the boss or Elliot the baby. This requires you to be respectful and then there is always office gossip.

That was indeed the problem with our relationship, the office gossip. I didn’t mind but it really got to Elliot. I had trust in him and he claimed to trust me too. The most profound thing happened. I got an assignment in work that required I traveled on a business trip. I was to strike a deal with another brewery company and the owner was male. I had to look around his company and some other stuff. I was so busy that I sometimes missed Elliot’s calls.

When I had returned, I crashed over at my cousin’s place. My cousin had issues with her phone which required her to receive calls only on loudspeakers. I woke up to the conversation she was having with Elliot. The rest is history. He practically blamed himself for not believing others when they said I wasn’t good for him. I understood if he felt insecure about the trip I made but some things he said on the call were… I ended it with Elliot. Never trust a man who doesn’t trust you. They always believe they are the saints.

Blake The Snake

I made yet another promise but in my heart, I knew it was a sham. Nothing prepared me for my meeting with Blake. I left the company after Elliot’s mess, obviously, I couldn’t remain there. I was working with a media firm when my elder sister invited me over for some celebration. I had to honor it and so I went.

When I got over to her apartment I saw someone walking down towards me. He had this aura around him and I was instantly attracted.

Are you Jumoke? I have heard so much about you.

You have got to be kidding me. He knows my name.

I was at the party with my cousin, the same one from Elliot’s series. I expected him to talk to me but instead, he was talking to my cousin. Wakanda sorcery is this?

What do I do to make him notice me? I decided to put on some makeup hoping he would notice me but he didn’t. During the party, while I was dancing, he came close and held my waist, I immediately jerked away and he apologized for startling me.

While we were sitting at a round table, the person beside me excused himself and asked Mr. sexy to sit beside me. He then asked if I would like to accompany him to get suya and I obliged. We talked about the most intimate part of our lives. The midnight breeze, I mean the air was filled with love. I could literally hear Lion King ‘Can you feel the love tonight’ ringing in my ears.

I left the following day with my cousin and he didn’t come out to say anything. My sister and cousin were teasing me about hooking up with him but I didn’t want another Tunde episode.

A week after, I picked up my phone and asked my sister to send me his number. I finally got his name from my cousin. It was Blake. I rang the number and introduced myself and we got talking. I knew what I felt wasn’t love but an attraction but I couldn’t explain it. There was a force pulling me towards Blake.

He finally popped up the big question and I hastily said yes. It was nice. My first try at a long-distance relationship. Blake had a way with words. He had a way of making me do things I never wanted to do and that was why I slept with him.

He asked me if I didn’t think he was worthy to be offered my virginity. I didn’t want him to think I thought less of him. I felt devastated when I lost it. We didn’t talk for weeks and I didn’t know what I wanted to say to him exactly.

I called Braimoh and told him what had happened and he consoled me. Blake came over, he was all caring, loving and apologetic and again he got me into his bed again on multiple occasions. To think John and Elliot asked me but I said no.

He lied to me when he said I was the love of his life. He was actually sleeping around. I caught him several times but he had a story every time. I broke up with him several times but we got back together. One day I made up my mind to leave and I haven’t gone back since. Blake was just a slimy snake. I ended things with him.

It was then I wrote the ways of finding Mr. Wright. There is no Mr. Right, men have flaws but you can always find Mr. Wright.

A man who wants to be with you would always ask you out and never assume it.
Friendships are different from romantic relationships, the latter demands more.
Never date a man out of pity.
Give your trust to a man who trusts you in return.
Never date a manipulative man.
It is your right to say no, never let anyone make you do something you do not want to do.

I am at the ‘MEET AND GREET’ now meeting and educating singles. I am still the same young girl who believes in fairytales. A few bad dating experiences cannot stop my search for Mr. Wright.

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