My Pride, His Imperfection

LANGUAGES: English, Nigerian pidgin, Igbo, Spanish and hausa

What a man can do, a woman can do better!!! Ever heard of this saying? Is this true in all notions or just a fabric of the lies women tell themselves? A motivational speech, the truth of the abstract realities, views, blind to the eyes of society?

Ada brought joy to her family the day she was born. Although, her father wanted a boy, her striking resemblance to him left no denial that she was indeed his child. Her family was below class and this in a way influenced Baba’s perspective of life.

Image source: nappy.co

Baba knows the way, yes he does, no one dares question him. Girls do not go to school hmm, hmm, shikina! They do not have ambitions. Their biological framework is too fragile; soft palms, soft skin, and so on. As a girl, you are to groom yourself to be a good wife and mother. Your power is your skill in bed and the ‘Almighty Formula’ to give birth to children, ehen! otherwise, you’re tagged ‘A Man’.

In pidgin Baba says; Fain ges na dos wans we ge big bres an bom bom, skin kon fresh, e ge Stret leg.

What about the others, who come in different body types and size? Baba no wan hia.

When Ada wants to go out to play, he scrutinizes the play sections she takes part in because, girls do not play what they term ‘rough play’. Girls do not do this, they do not do that, and like from one of my favorite cartoons, CINDERELLA II, “IT SIMPLY ISN’T DONE”.

Ada at age fifteen (15), feels caged and cannot explain these emotions she feels inside; TEENAGE REBELLION. “There is more to me”.

One Tuesday morning, Baba tells Mama to get Ada ready, for her betrothed was on his way to finalize the marriage rites. On knowledge of this plan, she flees home, and then becomes a house help.

She struggles to attend school, makes some mistakes, ends up being a graduate and is now married with four kids, and she has a job. Guess who swells with pride?

It is Baba, at their reunion of course!!!

This story is jinxed, while some get a happy ending, others do not on this journey of self-discovery, realization of self-worth and value.

This discussion focuses on, the Pride of being a woman. Here is the funny irony, what Society terms our weakness, is indeed our strength and what we glory in.

Do not be too quick to tag this as ‘Feminism’, in a way, yes, but not as you perceive it. Why are we pinpointing this? It is because of the latter part of our topic, which is ‘His Imperfection’.

Although, Society is referred to as a ‘She’, we will adopt this concept, and refer to the ‘He’ in our discussion as the society.

The society is full of imperfect people, laws, norms, etc. which work for some, but neglect others. By being feminist, we’re not trying to run down the male folks, nor compete with them, or disregard their importance in our lives and in the society, but it’s a journey to self-discovery.

Now, the society alike is made up of both male and female who are imperfect, yet are striving to be perfect. So to be on the safe side, ‘His Imperfections’ take the embodiment of ‘the society’, and ‘My Pride’-the woman.

We will dive into several aspects of life, and try to enlighten ourselves on how those societal tagged weaknesses are indeed the strength of a woman.

Image source: nappy.co

Biological Framework

I am no anatomist, and so, may not be able to give a biological description of the woman, but I will use terms that are easy to understand, although, the term ‘biological’ here is a little bit controversial.

Now, some organs of the body relative to a woman include; mammary gland (breast), vagina, fallopian tubes, ovaries, etc. In relation to Mr. Imperfection, the woman’s body is meant to be soft, fleshy in all the right places and what have you. If these features are in place, ‘Miss Pride’ is referred to as weak, fragile and soft. If they aren’t in place, Miss Pride is referred to as strong, hard and rigid.

Though, these organs are in place, emphasis is laid on ‘Physique’. This brings us to the notion of ‘tomboys’. Some people are irritated by the idea, even some female folks, raise an eyebrow when they see one.

Some ladies, have their physique altered, due to sports, or some other factor. This doesn’t make them any less of a woman. We all are at liberty to train our bodies, bend them at will, make them what we wish and shouldn’t be ashamed of how we look or be likened to any other form, other than our natural gender.

Women are in all body shapes and sizes. The tall and slender, short and plump, round-faced, oval-shaped face, hourglass, thin, fat, etc. These body types have become a scale for preference and selection for Mr. Imperfection.

Oh! I like ’em fat, Nigga me like my shawty short and plump, etc.

Beauty agencies go as far as determining who can become a model using body type, only until the advent of plus size models.

“Jane Bigum”, from the popular TV series, “Drop Dead Diva”, suffers segregation due to her body type and her bestie “Stacy” enjoys comfort and love everywhere and anywhere she goes to, because of her body type (Jane’s on the big side, Stacey on the small side). In a particular episode, Jane and Stacy go out to a famous boutique to shop, and Jane couldn’t get a dress, because they do not make clothes for size 14.

The point is that, Mr. Imperfection should look out for what is really important, and that is the presence of these organs that make Miss Pride female, and the beauty, in manipulating how the body looks.

“My Body My Pride, His Mind His Imperfection”.

Culture: Roles in Society

From a linguistic perspective, FRANZ Boaz states that, for one to have ‘KULTUR’ (culture) one must have knowledge, status, and must be modernized. In the same vein, the level of KULTUR, you have determines your status and vice-versa.

In society today, humans are assigned roles based on their gender. Women clean, cook, do house chores; ama de casa!!!

Many men work, i.e., Jobs.

Many scholars have strong reasons for role sharing among humans and this is sometimes influenced by culture. We have some cultures that give certain privileges to either gender, although, some are denied this privilege.

For example, some cultures do not permit polyandry marriage, but encourage polygamy.

What roles are then allocated to Miss Pride? Miss Pride is allocated the role of ‘Assistance’. Now, I personally believe that women are help-meet, yet there are a lot of roles we can be assigned to when we leave the terrain of marriage.

Why must we be so proud when Miss Pride attains occupational roles like being a Pilot, an Astronaut? It is because; it is unusual, and not common. With Miss Pride’s make-up, she can adapt to anything, and so can fit into any role.

“My Flexibility My Pride, His Pattern His Imperfection”.

Education

Have you heard of stories like; if na gel de kari fest for ma klas, na fok up bi dat.

Miss Pride is like a robot with a programmed software, just to reproduce and do some minor work, or so Mr. Imperfection claims.

One organ required for learning, is the Brain, and the mind is required for language processing. Does Miss Pride have these components? Yes!

What then is the argument that education is not for her? Education is a right and it should not be denied her.

Many ladies have studied hard and made it through school and are professionals in their field. When the woman is given opportunity to learn she can then maximize her potentials i.e. learning new and better ways to do what she already knows how to do. If it is Cooking- she can learn how to make local and international dishes, bake pastries etc.

Education can be formal or informal, primarily in an institution or secondarily via the internet or books.

Many women hardly read when they give birth or are married. If she is a bookworm in time past she hardly knows what the papers are saying presently.

It’s quite funny and hard to believe but I know of mothers who do not even watch movies, not because they do not like them, but they stopped doing so at one point and have now forgotten how to do so.

Readers are leaders and if we think so, we should encourage the girl child to acquire knowledge lest we falter by saying they are not potential leaders.

The brain is not for decoration but contains a memory that can store relevant information, not just cooking skills or the name of our children. Miss Pride has a Brain and it’s her right to be trained.

“My Knowledge My Pride, His Ignorance His Imperfection”.

Communication

“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray is a recommended text for every single and married individual.

In order to have a productive relationship, everybody says, “beware of the nagging Woman“.

A woman talks too much, she nags; she doesn’t talk, she is a silent Killer.

From the recommended text above, we learn that a woman solves her problem by talking about it. For her to speak to you about her problems indicates that she trusts you.

Value it. I personally rate how much people value me based on how they listen to me when I talk.

Medical report shows that Miss Pride goes through some hormonal imbalance during menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause.

Here, the woman tends to be emotionally unstable, irritated and would waste no time to give a retort to everything said to her. She seems to complain about everything, yet she needs to let it out. Although certain women may be lousy and talk a lot yet every woman talks and tries to communicate their emotions.

Prior to now, I felt my mother talks too much. Some teenagers go as far as telling friends, “My mother talks a lot.”

“Ada there are dirty dishes in the sink;

I clean, cook, sweep, am I to do your laundry too?” and so on.

Yet when we grow older, move out and become responsible or have our own children, we begin to behave like our mothers by saying, Don’t, No! Clean up! etc. Does this make her the raving parrot?

An illustration is taken from the popular bestseller “PURPLE HIBISCUS” by “CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE”.

This book is recommended for individuals who love to read an interesting literature every now and then and love to learn about the Igbo culture, religious fanaticism, love etc.

What gives the chills about this novel is the twist the author gives to it in the end; I never would have guessed it would end the way it did.

Following the plot of the novel, Mama is very obedient to Eugene (papa). When she becomes a victim of domestic violence she still is loyal like what we say “LOYAL TO THE FAITH”. In the end when Eugene dies, everyone thinks it’s Jaja and maybe 10% Kambili, yet it’s Mama who kills him.

WOW! You know why? BOTTLED UP ISSUES.

Give room to a woman to air her views no matter how stupid they may sound to you. Some lecturers say “Ask your questions no matter how stupid they are”, you know why?

So you do not show the stupidity on your exam sheet.

Another illustration we are looking at is the language disorder – SELECTIVE MUTISM. Research shows that the girl child acquires language faster than the boy child. This is because while the boy child tends to play or want to do things and explore, the girl child is observant, may have a doll she wants to talk to and that may instigate babblings.

When a girl child at age seven (7) and above insists on being mute, then there is a case of selective mutism.

This occurs as a result of rape, peer pressure, domestic violence etc. This helps us understand that a woman’s words are priceless.

In relationships; that’s why she prefers to talk to her bestie rather than her boyfriend because of his lack of readiness to listen.

“My Words My Pride, His Inattentiveness His Imperfection”.

Image source: nappy.co

Finances

This is all about ‘Ego’. Is Miss Pride allowed to have money or assets or even make investments? Is Miss Pride’s wealth tied to that of a family or spouse?

If a woman is allowed to have money then how much is she permitted to have in her AZA?

Mr. Imperfection thinks any woman who is well-to-do is an ‘harlot’. “She must have slept with a man“, they say. She has multiple boyfriends, etc.

In relationships, some men feel intimidated by their partner if she is more financially buoyant. These set of women are quickly grouped as ‘sugar mummies’.

If Miss Pride can work, then she is permitted to earn money. A personal understanding of such relationship problems solved from the Bible where it is written, “Ye are joint heirs with Christ” Roms 8:17.

So Miss Pride is a partaker of the riches in the Kingdom. She can work hard and make ends meet at will.

Though, some women become money and power driven, the genuine goal is to be lucrative.

“My Fortune My Pride, His Ego His Imperfection”.

Religion

When it comes to this subject matter, Miss Pride is seen as ‘gullible’. A woman can give all she has just for the deliverance of her children.

My mother prays for everyone she knows because she has faith. In every religion, women are committed practitioners. They find it easy to believe. “Women are moved by what they hear”, so they say. Being able to believe in abstract things and have hope is a gift. Cherish it.

“My Faith My Pride, His Unbelief His Imperfection”.

Career/Ambition

A quote from CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE states; “I can have ambition but not too much.”

There is a notion that career mums have a lot of problems managing all aspects of their lives, yet it’s normal for Miss Pride to be ambitious and have a career pathway. It is good to want things and have them. Miss Pride should not be denied the Pride.

“I Am Caesar My Pride; He Is Caesar His Imperfection”.

Politics

“Miss Pride cannot lead us I am afraid; she is too soft”.

She is sorry for being feminine. She cannot occupy political positions because she is a woman.

Imagine Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King or Barack Obama, were/are women. Yet Winnie Mandela, Coretta Scott King and Michelle Obama are indeed women who indirectly and directly have career pathways. Lest we forget to mention, Hillary Clinton and Obi Ezikwesili. These women have Led women groups and in one time been activists.

This primarily shows promise for the world of politics with women being part of its forerunners.

Our laws at home have to a large extent, helped in structuring society and so we can take it further by being among the law making process of our dear nations.

”My Law My Pride, His Pride His Imperfection”.

Universals

“Tony sings like a girl”, “You drive like a woman”, “Favor dances like a girl”, “A woman without a child is like a man”, “A woman who drives rough drives like a man”.

These similes by themselves are just syntactic constructions, but the meaning attached to them by Mr. Imperfection is degrading. It’s more of an insult than a comparison. Individuals should be treated according to their personalities and abilities.

“My Ability My Pride, His Comparison His Imperfection”.

Sex

Miss Pride is seen as an object and not a Being; sex toys, slaves, etc.

Although in the popular movie, “Fifty Shades of Grey”, Grey was the person abused, yet Anastasia was the person to pay for it. Miss Pride is to give pleasure and not to receive it. Two sides of a coin should be given the same attention. We also deserve pleasure.

The issue of sex and the woman is a very crucial topic. The fact that women experience rape in marriage is bitter. We can say that to receive pleasure is wonderful but to give someone pleasure is fulfilling. You have to be two lions roaring in order to disturb the pride and quiet down together.

This mode is the role agreement plays in Sex.

What if she is not in the mood? Is that a reason to cheat?

I believe that is why you are partners, you should know what they like, their mood swings (women get that a lot) and basically how to get your partner to be in the mood of having sex with you. This should be the score points for wanting to have sex; being able to get your partner to be in the same mood you’re in and giving pleasure.

It’s like selling a product, market it by telling your consumers what is in store for them when they purchase it, and then rewarding them for purchasing it.

Women are not sex toys. The issue of sex slavery – selling women as sex slaves in order to get profit, is appalling.

“My Pleasure My Pride, His Drive His Imperfection”.

Although, Miss Pride is tagged the ‘weaker vessel’, she is not the ‘lesser’.

Whatever you give a woman she creates a world out of it.

Let’s not see imperfection but perfection, weakness but strength. I am STRONG. I have PRIDE. I am MISS PRIDE.

Your myopic worldview makes you Mr Imperfection.