How To Hold Down Your Partner In A Relationship
Relationships are sometimes like rollercoasters, with the highs causing great excitement and adrenaline, and the lows leaving you to ask if getting on the ride was worth it. Though one thing you need to understand is that without the ‘lows’, you would never appreciate the value of the ‘highs’. That is, sticking through the downtime in your relationship will help you appreciate the good times you had and give you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. So, while you look forward to ‘highs’ in your relationship, learn to value the rocky patches, learn from them, and move on so you can enjoy a healthy relationship.
Relationships aren’t easy, they require time, energy, effort, loyalty, discipline, and commitment. If you are not ready to do all these and more for the person you love, then you’d best not get into a relationship to avoid stories that cause the eye to water😅.
In the same vein, relationships aren’t difficult if you can apply certain principles that will help hold you and your partner down. Except the relationship is not worth fighting for, you should never give up on your partner.
Just so you know, every relationship is worth fighting for. If love is real, that is.
The mistake many people make is that they feel their partner can always be easily replaced. They think to themselves,
“Hey, if this guy messes up, I can always move to the next one. It’s not like I don’t have an entire drawer filled with case files of guys asking me out. I can always pick up another guys’ file and answer his request.”
This is wrong! Your partner should not be someone you can easily replace. He or she needs to have deep roots in your heart or else you’ll be able to weed them out easily at the slightest provocation and vice-versa.
Unfortunately, the reality of life is that love is not enough. Passion is not enough. If you will hold your partner down in a relationship, you will need much more than curves or acrobatic maneuvers in the bedroom. I mean, honestly, he can get that outside. Even better.
What keeps a man by your side is character– good, supportive character (with nice curves and skills of course. You better don’t go one on him all in the name of good character 😂💔).
In the world today, it is very easy to get distracted in a relationship. Work, stress, people, etc, all these things can easily get your partner tired and bored in the relationship, making them want to look outside for a source of excitement, but if you follow the tips I’ll be dropping in the course of this article, you are bound to discover ways to not only hold down your partner but also ensure a long-lasting relationship.
How To Hold Down Your Partner
1. Communication
Now, you might have heard this over and over that it has become a cliche to you but I’m here to reiterate it as a fact.
A relationship that lacks positive, constructive communication is bound to break apart.
I’d like you to read that statement again and while you do so, mentally underline the three keywords there: positive, constructive, and communication. These three keywords are essential points to note.
When your partner opens up to you about something, how do you respond to it? Do you get angry? Throw a tantrum? Raise your voice? Give them the silent treatment? Or simply dismiss it as though it were unimportant?
It is not enough to respond when you are addressed by your partner. “After all, I have given him my feedback by responding to his complaint.” No. Much more, how do you respond? I’ve come to realize over time that in relationships, it is not the ‘what’ but how you carry out the ‘what’ that matters.
You can buy your partner a gift but how you present it determines whether they will appreciate or even accept it from you. You can offer advice but how you say it determines whether they will take it or not.
Pay more attention to how you respond. When your partner comes to you and says “Babe, I don’t like how you come home late these days. I feel like I’m losing you. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go out with your friends but I want you back home by 9 pm.” Don’t just flare up and start an argument. Calm down and try to see if there is indeed truth in his complaint. When you’re sure that he isn’t exaggerating or making things up, carefully apologize and strategize ways to balance your social life with your relationship time.
You should always create time for you and your partner to bond. They are, after all, a priority in your life. Place them where they deserve to be.
2. Be Open-minded
Many relationships fall apart because there is nothing fresh, new, or different in their activities. Be spontaneous, be adventurous. Find a new hobby, pick up a cookbook, visit the new spa at the end of the road.
Be different. No one likes monotony, especially when it comes to love.
Get new lingerie, learn a new dish, write her a poem. It might sound childish and ridiculous but it will surprise you how much your actions will change your partner’s attitude toward you.
Strive to bring something fresh to the table every day. I’m not asking you to become a clown or a five-star chef😂. No. It doesn’t have to be something drastic. Like they say “it’s the littlest things that count.” Just find subtle ways to show your partner that you constantly have them in your thoughts. It’s that thought that counts.
Don’t be afraid to come out of your comfort zone once in a while for your partner to do something fun for them. The fact that you would go the extra mile to please them will make them appreciate you more.
Be daring.
3. Be Honest, Be Transparent
Nothing chases a partner off in a relationship like lies, deception, or manipulation. When you want something from your partner, you don’t need to be like Tom that always goes to the drawing board to scheme new plans on how to capture Jerry. Be honest, be transparent.
Honesty is attractive and it draws people closer to you, much more your partner. Don’t go telling your partner “I love you with all my life” when he can see you flirting with all the guys at the bar. Don’t tell them “I need you to survive” and your actions tell them something else.
When you want something done your way you don’t need to ‘guilt trip’ or manipulate your partner. Simply use the first key and honestly, positively let your thoughts, ideas, or opinion known. No matter how difficult it might be, even if you are the one in the wrong, if your partner truly loves you they will listen to you, forgive you, and move on.
Honesty is always appreciated. Even when it comes down to cheating because cheating is like the easiest way to make your partner want to abort a ship. Stay honest. It might be scary and you might want to cover up so you don’t lose them but that’s where trust comes in. You must trust your partner enough to believe that they will listen to you, forgive you and move on.
Love and lies never go together. Be lucid.
Never be afraid to air your views with your partner. They should be like a best friend you can tell everything and anything to. Your partner should be a best friend you can tell everything to without fear of criticism, insults, strife, or harassment (verbal/ physical/ mental/ psychological).
4. Behave Appropriately
Now you might be thinking, “if I’m supposed to be free around my partner, why am I also being asked to behave appropriately?” Yes, you still need to mind your manners around them, even if you already have a ring on it.
Nothing irks any human-like dirty, repulsive habits or attitude. Don’t go using her toilet and forget to flush or wash your hands, don’t go burping or farting without excusing yourself thinking it’s cute because you saw it in a movie and the guy found it cute😂💔. Don’t. I repeat, Don’t.
Love doesn’t cover basic etiquette. Behave properly and appropriately at all times.
Respect his friends or her friends. A friend plays a very significant role in the life of a person. More often than not, friends have destroyed many relationships by simply saying things like “that girl na hoe, she don sleep with all my Gs for my CL” or “I don’t like that guy, he simply doesn’t compliment you well. He’s too dirty and lousy.”
Even if their comments are said in innocence sometimes, it could still go a long way in shaking the tables of your relationship. Treat them right. You don’t need to like them or become best friends with them, you just need to respect them and treat them properly. If for nothing, because you respect your partner and you don’t want their friends to lose their respect for them.
Though, if you can become buddies with your partner’s friends I’ll confess that it will be an added advantage because they will always stand up for you and provide support when you need it the most. (I speak from experience😄)
5. Love Yourself!
I always love to see this quote. For you to be an excellent partner to someone, you have to be an excellent person to yourself first. To love another, you need to love and treat yourself lovingly first.
You simply can’t give what you don’t have.
Stop seeing your partner as an extension of yourself! He/she is not! The more you begin to see the both of you as a ‘we’ instead of a ‘you’ and ‘me’, the more your happiness and mental well being depend on that person and that is a burden no one wants to bear.
No one wants to be responsible for your depression or starvation. Not even your partner. So next time when you both get into an argument don’t go guilt-tripping him with things like “I’ll kill myself” or “I won’t eat until you do things my way.” He might do it but it’s a big turn off and you are slowly losing him from your grip.
I’m not asking you to become insensitive to your partner, I’m simply asking you to see yourself as an independent and self-sufficient being. Share moments with your partner but have personal hobbies or businesses that you enjoy or venture into alone.
The more ‘me’ time you create for yourself, the more you learn to depend on, love, and trust yourself, such that you don’t become a clingy, needy partner.
No one wants to be a babysitter in their relationship.
Please read that again so it sinks in very well. No one wants a clingy, needy, or desperate partner. Stand firm but still be affectionate.
6. No Third Wheels
Three is always a crowd, it doesn’t matter who it is. Don’t allow external influences to determine the tide of your relationship. As much as you are friends with your partner’s friends and vice versa, don’t go discussing your issues with them.
You can seek advice sometimes but before you talk about it with someone outside, you must first discuss it with your partner and even when you discuss it with them, never accept any form of disrespect towards your partner– whether it is in their presence or not.
Many relationships have sunk because they allowed third wheels into their two-wheel ship. Relationships are two-way streets, communicate with your partner more about your issues than you do with the next guy.
When your partner offends you, forgive. Forgiveness saves, not only the offender but also the person that was offended.
Harboring hate, malice, or strife affects you more than it does to the person that offended you.
Learn to let go. Instead of discussing your issues with third wheels, call your partner for a talk, tell them everything they did that you didn’t like with the right attitude, proffer solutions, and after discussing, forgive and move on.
Life is too short to spend it in unforgiveness, strife, or malice. Your relationship is too precious to crumble because you refuse to get past something. If the bad memories keep coming back to haunt you, create even better memories to flood out the bad ones.
Love. Learn. Live.
7. Welcome Growth
Do not be afraid to grow together. Anything that isn’t growing is dying. If you are not growing as a couple, your partner is bound to jump ship in search of someone they can grow with.
No one likes to remain stagnant. Be open to growth. Take corrections so you can be a better partner to your significant other.
When your shortcomings are outlined don’t get defensive and pick fights, take note, and consciously begin to work on them. Progress might be slow but it will always be appreciated if it is consistent.
Most times we assume instead of understanding the situation thereby misinterpreting our partner’s intentions or statements.
Don’t assume, understand. Always get clarification before you conclude on any matter.
When your partner is going through a tough time, don’t withdraw because that is when they need to feel your love and care the most. It’s when couples overcome hardship together that they bond deeper and get closer. If you are never there when they need you, you can never have any hold or influence on them.
Your presence in the bad times as well as the good is what solidifies your place in your partner’s life because they are most vulnerable at that point and require love, comfort, and support. Be their support.
Be ready to serve. A relationship is about service to each other.
Real-life relationships are nothing like the fairytale Disney romance we watched growing up, but you can enjoy your own romance by following these tips. If you have more tips we would love to see it in the comments section😊. Thank you!
For more info about this topic, you can check out the following sites:
www.lifehack.org
relationships.femalefirst.co.uk/relationships/
www.google.com
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