• Overview
• The average woman’s sex life
• How Sex Steals Your Orgasm
• Stress Management 
• Time Management
• Relaxation
• Hobbies As Stress Relief
• Exercise As Stress Relief
• Say No To Quick Fixes

Overview

When I try to discuss orgasm with my friends, everyone is just like “we don’t want to talk about it”. I admit that my friends are pretty conservative but there’s a certain hush-hush about female orgasm especially in Africa. According to statistics, women around the world have never had an orgasm.

Female Orgasmic Disorder is a situation where a woman is unable to have an orgasm even after trying. There is primary female orgasmic disorder (never had an orgasm) and secondary orgasmic disorder (can no longer have an orgasm). One of the factors that can cause “orgasmic scarcity” is stress.

We all know that sex can is a very powerful stress relief but you’d be shocked to know just how much fun it steals from the sexual act. The little obstacles we encounter as women in our daily lives could make us want to turn in the shovel (is that even an expression?) at times.

It is very frustrating when you’re trying to have sex to “cool off” and stress just stands like a little devil on your shoulder watching and saying let me see how you’re going to get that orgasm. In truth, so many women are having stale or horrible sex but very few are talking about it.

What do you think prevents you from having an orgasm? Leave your answers in the comment box. We’re going to be talking about one of those limiting factors -STRESS. Before that, let’s have a sneak peek into the average woman’s sex life.

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The Average Woman’s Sex Life

#IsBoring

Yes, I said it. The average woman’s sex life is like a boring movie that no one wants to watch. There’s just nothing happening. No fun stuff at least. Just the same old, same old. Oh and yes, it doesn’t matter if you pick men at the bar or have one night stands like every week, your sex life can still be very boring. When there’s no exploration and discovery, no honest, “that was awesome or I really want more of that.” Then your sex life is boring – married women, I mean no offense.🤐

#IsFullOfLiesAndSecrets

Women just don’t tell enough. Some of us have really dark minds 😋 but we are scared of talking because we don’t want to be regarded as freaks. Hey lady, do you remember all those fetishes that you have and have never told anyone? The fact that you don’t enjoy sex with him? The fact that you’re a voyeur, or you like women more than you’ve ever liked men? All those lies you’ve told yourself just because you’re not brave enough to admit that this is what you want and this is why you want it?

The painful part of this setup is this – a woman needs this connection badly and most of these starving women finally end up cheating on their partners or living an unhappy life. Have you ever imagined that sex would be a whole lot better if you just did what you really want? Oh sorry, of course, you have. You’ve just not done anything about it.

#IsMessy

All those bad memories of really bad sex can mess up someone’s head 😄. Those memories of your own fake moans ringing in your head? Killers! Some women deserve an Oscar. Seriously! How do you make something that was awful seem like it was so good?😂

So there is this bible story about a farmer who plants crops during the day and then a “spoiler” comes at night and plants weeds in the farmland. (I hope I’m telling it right, lol).

Anyway, I just want you ladies to get the picture. Stress is the weed in your farmland that prevents the crops(your orgasm) from blooming. Some of you might be shocked to hear this but others might think ..Duh, I know this. I’m just going to give you a few ways in which stress steals your orgasms and then we’ll go right into stress management. I’m going to make everything SIMPLE, EASY, and REALISTIC.

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How Stress Steals Your Orgasm

As women, we all know an orgasm is not the only thing stress steals. It steals your smile, your happiness, your life, and many other cool things you previously didn’t appreciate so much. Like a low blood pressure, ease in falling asleep, and an even temper. Here’s how stress steals your orgasm.

1. It Makes It Difficult For You To Relax

When you are stressed, you’re frazzled and jumpy. When you are stressed for a long while, it only gets worse. This is because your body becomes too used to being “on the run” and you’re now unable to relax. Your brain is still in fight or flight mood and you’re worried about a million things.

Ever caught yourself thinking about how you would survive tomorrow’s tasks while having sex? Ever blamed yourself for being distracted during sex? Well, it is really not your fault. Stress makes it impossible to actually concentrate on sex. This is due to the fact that your hormones are going awry – you’re producing more stress hormones than usual and it makes it difficult for your body to produce sex hormones like testosterone.

2. It Affects Your Attitude

When you take a rubber band, stretch out to its limits and then release it, It snaps! That’s how I snap when I have reached my stress limit. That’s how you snap when you’ve reached your stress limit. Stress makes you irrational most times. You can’t seem to focus and you just want to scream and scream again.

You could possibly burst into tears in the middle of a board meeting. You could yell at the kids. Everything and everyone will begin to irritate you. If your partner initiates sex, you might even snap at him or her. Perhaps you don’t snap, perhaps you think let’s get it over with and then you start playing the fake moan soundtrack. Either way, you are left broken and unsatisfied.

I am not saying it is not okay for you to not be in the mood at times. Even when you’re not stressed you might not be in the mood but you will discover that as soon as things start getting spicy you don’t regret starting. This is what differentiates times when you are stressed from times when you are not -how you feel at the end.

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3. It Kills Arousal

Findings show that stress reduces genital arousal. Things could get really bad when even after foreplay you’re not aroused. Not being aroused during sex could also be painful and painful sex can lead to even worse problems for you -like aversion to sex.

An awful instance is where you’re getting all ready and primed and then that thought crosses your mind and the anxiety sets in and you become as dry as a desert. Ouch. Makes you want to hide.

See Also

Understanding The Female Orgasm: A Complete Guide

The only way to get over stress is to manage it. It is not quite possible to live without stress in our modern world. The hustle and bustle of society make sure that you are always on your toes, especially as a woman. Our next stop is stress management, how do you manage stress?

Stress Management

Stress management is basically a method you could use to deal with stress. As I said, stress is inevitable so we should focus on learning how to manage it. I will be talking on time management, relaxation, hobbies, exercise, healthy eating, and quick fixes like drugs.

Time Management

Managing your time helps you reduce stress because it helps reduce stressants. How does it do that? Creating a to-do list naturally makes your tasks seem a lot more manageable and less like piled up work. As you tick off tasks from the list, it gives you a sense of fulfillment that increases your energy. Make sure you allot time to each task and carry them out during the span of the allotted time.

Breaks between tasks could be spent with your partner. If you’re far away from them you can call or text but if you are close by, a hug, a kiss or a cuddle would warm your heart nicely and your heart would, in turn, make your body pliable.

Relaxation

First, you need to identify the things that help you relax. There are some general relaxation triggers like a day at the spa, a day at the beach or a swim in a pool. Relaxation helps you let go of the stress weighing you down and it puts you in a better mood, triggering those hormones that make sex fun.

Hobbies As Stress Relief

What are your hobbies? Your hobbies could help you relax, so long as they are not stuff exerting like skydiving or mountain climbing. Cultivate stress hobbies that require you to sit back, relax, or do something only moderately taxing. Hobbies like reading and baking are like that.

Exercise As Stress Relief

Sounds strange right? But it is true. Exercising helps your body grow its stress coping mechanisms and reduces fatigue. Cardiovascular exercises generally get your blood pumping and make you feel great about yourself. Have you noticed how easy it is to burst into laughter after a run? Taking a shower also helps amplify the nice feeling.

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Say No To Quick Fixes

Some people rely on drugs and alcohol to deal with stress. While these might seem “effective” in the short term, it is not. Drugs and alcohol make you forget your problems but they only do so temporarily. As soon as you come down from that high, your problems come crashing down on you.

Worse still, the stressants tend to multiply when you are using quick fixes. Ever been off drugs? You’re irritated. Your tolerance level will also reduce. You will feel like you have to escape every little argument, every little hindrance to the smooth running of your day and you’re taking out a big bottle and some glasses. Don’t. The only way out is the right way and please don’t disappoint me.

So, we have come to the end of today’s conversation, next time I will be talking on the topic. Never had an Orgasm? A guide. Do come back for more. Bye