Dating and Courtship: 6 Pros and 3 Cons of Dating
Pros and Cons of Dating |
Interesting topic. Before we dive into this topic, let’s start from the top. What exactly is dating?
WIKIPEDIA defines dating as “a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.”
A beautiful definition that captures the important facts about dating. But, another definition from another reliable source wouldn’t hurt right?
URBAN DICTIONARY also defines dating as “where two people who are attracted to each other spend time together to see if they also can stand to be around each other most of the time, if this is successful they develop a relationship, although sometimes a relationship develops anyways if the people can’t find anybody else to date them, or are very lonely or one person is only attracted to the other and pretends to be in love with the second unfortunate person who has the misunderstanding that they have found love.”
Very urban definition indeed.
As the definitions above have posited, dating is a process everyone who aspires to be in a romantic relationship with another person must go through. There’s no two ways about it. Everybody dates at a point in their lives but the question is when? While there are a lot of factors that determine if a particular relationship will be successful or not, like compatibility, shared interests and the likes, there is a need to understand that just like everything under the sun, there are two sides to it.
Just like a coin, we have two sides to this dating thing, it is now left for you to decide which side of the coin you would focus on. While dating is a natural phenomenon that every human being must go through, except in the case of personal choice or inhibitions, there still exist certain pros (advantages) and cons (disadvantages) of the arrangement. Now, it’s not always rosy. Of course, if you’re in a good relationship, the roses on your bed should be more than the thorns but in a situation where all you experience is the thorny side of the relationship, there is definitely a problem there.
Now, so as not to digress, we will be moving straight to the purpose for this article. What are the pros and cons of dating? Walk with me and I’ll share this privileged information with you. We will move with the pros first.
Pros of Dating
Companionship
We are all human beings. Scientists would also argue that the human being is a social animal. What this means is, as a human being, you need other human beings to survive and thrive on planet earth. No man was created in isolation. Therefore, any attempt to be reclusive, to become a hermit, shunning all forms of human companionship and interaction will be more detrimental than beneficial. This is why the average human being continually seeks for some kind of relationship with other humans.
Now, while this is basic and can be classified as an innate nature of a typical human being, there is also another level of companionship which everybody aspires to have, no matter how introverted such person may be, and this level of companionship is classified as romantic. Everybody wants to have that special someone who is as close to them as their skin. Call it a second skin. This kind of companionship is what we find in dating relationships.
At the initial stage of meeting, all you want to do is spend quality time with this person, talk to this person and be with this person all the time. After deciding that you want to do all these things and you want this person to be that special person to you, the idea of being in an exclusive relationship makes more sense and if both parties agree on having the same feelings, the relationship moves on seamlessly. This is a major advantage of dating.
Learn Yourself
There is a lesser probability for you to discover the sort of person you actually are when you are always on your own. True character is tested in your relationship with others. Now, such relationships that would bring out your true self might not necessarily be romantic. Platonic relationships could also be a part of the mix. Relationships with friends, with family members, with work colleagues, with school mates, with acquaintances from other levels of social relationships will go a long way in determining the kind of person you are from your relationship with them and how you handle conflicts and other issues that may arise from your constant communication with them.
While all these might actually help you to learn yourself, there’s nothing that would reveal more of your character than your relationship with someone who you claim is your second skin. No two people are the same, therefore no matter how hard you try or how much you may love your significant other, they would definitely have flaws. It’s an inescapable fact. When issues that require your ability to effectively resolve conflicts and differences surface and present themselves as opportunities for you to learn what you’re tolerant of and what you just can’t stand, you find yourself growing in character as you apply certain corrections and improvements and also keep doing whatever it is you were doing right previously.
New Experiences
Now that you have a new person in your life, this person brings along with him or her new experiences. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life. When we keep doing the same things over and over again, it is impossible to not be frustrated at the monotony of it all. In that situation, a new relationship would feel like a breath of fresh air as this new person in your life would open your eyes to realities you never thought existed.
These new realities could include things such as, new dating activities you’ve never tried before, new places you have never been to, new tastes you’ve always wanted to try and many newer experiences. These experiences would go a long way in creating lasting and beautiful memories with your significant other and also grant you more exposure to the world at large.
A Hand To Hold
It might seem like such a basic thing – this thing about having a hand to hold – but its importance cannot be overemphasized. Everybody goes through storms in their lives, at one point or the other. Everybody faces challenges, in their families, education, jobs or assignment. Most times, some of us don’t leave these challenges unscathed. In such difficult times, it is important to have someone by your side. Someone who would keep encouraging you, inspiring you and motivating you to be better.
Sometimes, all you might need at a particular time is a hand to hold through all the storms, through all the trials and through all the pain. Someone who would tell you that everything would be okay and reassure you that after the storms come the sun. This someone is your partner. Should be your partner. This is what dating, being in a romantic relationship with someone affords you. The ability to be vulnerable and strong at the same time because of the moral support from the other person.
Change
Change, basically is the process of being different; where you move from one state of affairs to another and like the popular saying goes, change is constant. Change, in this context could come in two ways, like a coin. These sides are the negative and the positive sides. But since we are dealing with the advantages this time, we’ll be looking at change in a positive aspect. While you’re dating, there’s every probability that you would change. For the better, hopefully.
Imagine a beautiful young girl being in a relationship with an equally handsome young man. Before they entered into this relationship, this girl, let’s call her Zee, had anger issues. The slightest provocation would make her flare up and threaten to burn the house to the ground. Now, this young man, let’s call him Dee, comes into her life and wants to be in a relationship with her but there’s a problem.
Her anger issues drive people away from her as no one wants to be the recipient of her angry tantrums. Zee likes Dee and she doesn’t want to lose him. So what happens? Gradually, she starts to control her anger issues. She gets help from reliable sources. She reads self-help books and engages in many anger management exercises. Slowly, she realized that she is now able to control her anger. Now, she is more tolerant of people and their flaws. She is more attentive and is certainly a more agreeable person. Hence, her relationship with Dee starts to fall into place.
This is the kind of positive change dating could bring about. Because of a certain person, you find yourself changing some negative aspects to your character in a bid to make yourself more desirable to that person and also make the relationship last longer. This is a definite pro of dating.
Marriage
Traditionally, dating which could also be referred to as courtship, is the precursor to finally tying the knot. There’s no marriage that did not go through the dating or courtship phase. This is with exception to some indigenous tribes where marriage is a pre-arranged thing and the partners have no idea who they are getting married to until they see them. This is a major practice in traditional African communities, but today it is no longer practiced, at least not as much as it used to.
In contemporary times, the man and woman would come together and upon finding themselves compatible would commence dating. Now, this dating process would determine if these two totally different human beings are compatible enough to live the rest of their lives with each other. They have the opportunity to properly assess and evaluate their partner’s suitability as a long term companion or spouse. This is the time when they find out if their partner squeezes out toothpaste from the bottom or from the middle of the tube.
They discover the eating habits of their partner, the way their partners handle money, how they handle children, what they do to keep the peace, if they are good or terrible at conflict resolution, their likes and dislikes, talents, hobbies, savings culture and so many other things. After this critical evaluation of your partner over a period of time, you are now able to determine if your partner is someone you want by your side for the rest of your life. Bottom line is that if you go into marriage without dating, problems would definitely arise in that marriage and what was supposed to be ’till death do us part’ becomes broken because of something as flimsy as a toothpaste tube.
Cons of Dating
Distraction
Whenever we do the things we are not supposed to do at a particular time, it ruins what would have otherwise been a beautiful experience. This is what dating does when it is not at the right time or with the right person. At certain stages of a person’s life, there are certain things that must be focused on else the person risks living the rest of his or her in regret when that period in time is not used or utilized to its maximum potential.
While a relationship could be a great source of joy, hence becoming a source of inspiration, it could also be a great source of distraction. There have been cases of young ladies especially, who have had their young relationships take their eyes off the big prize. The big prize being a particular life goal set at that particular point in time. This particular scenario is prevalent in educational institutions where instead of focusing on their academics and aspiring to reach their maximum potential in their various fields of study.
Young people end up being carried away by the pomp and glamour of school life and the pseudo pleasures of assumed liberty and end up in relationships that can only be detrimental to their education and goals. Dating should be a period of growth and improvement but the tables could turn if it is not engaged in at the right time, for the right reasons and most importantly, with the right person.
Change
As was mentioned above in the pro section, change could also be negative. While changing aspects of your character that are negative in nature is good and highly recommended, changing who you are completely is dangerous. There’s a very thin, near invisible line between positive change and negative change, and it takes a careful study and observation of yourself and your character to determine when change itself is veering off the right path.
In a bid to impress your significant other, there’s a possibility that you would try to change some parts of yourself, so you can be perceived as more desirable. This is more characteristic of young women in relationships. There’s always a gripping need to be better than the next girl so your boyfriend doesn’t get attracted and distracted and in the long run, leave you in the cold. They are always striving to please their male companions, doing everything and at times, becoming everything their partner expects them to be.
In the course of the relationship, you find out that you’re not the same person that started the relationship some time ago. You’ve undergone several changes, to the extent that you almost cannot recognize yourself in the mirror, figuratively and literally. This is a major con. It is disadvantageous to the person who has to lose bits and bits of himself or herself until there’s almost nothing left of the real you.
Rejection
Yes. This could happen. As difficult as the truth is to swallow, it must be known. That rosy relationship that looks and feels like it was formed by the gods themselves is still capable of breaking your heart, thereby bringing untold sorrow and pain. Dating is casual, a social relationship. Not bound by the law or any other authority, spiritual or physical. This is why people, especially in these contemporary times have the ability to breeze in and out of different relationships in a short space of time.
Such persons who breeze in and out of relationships might assume that he or she is just having a good time but in the real essence of it, such a person is leaving broken hearts and crushed expectations in his or her wake. As dating is not necessarily as permanent or as lasting as marriage should be, there’s always a possibility of getting rejected and left to mourn crushed dreams and expectations.
This is why going into a dating relationship with just about anybody can be so detrimental to a person’s mental health and stability because, with every relationship you leave, you leave behind a piece of yourself and by the time you have gone through about nine failed relationships, there’s almost nothing left and it could inadvertently affect relationships with other people.
Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well. First, make sure it’s something you really want to do. With that, you would be ready to weather the storms even as you enjoy the flowers.
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