Co-Parenting after Divorce: 10 Tips on Co-parenting a Child

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Co-parenting after a divorce can be a demanding task, one that requires a balance of responsibility and cooperation. This journey can be emotionally and physically draining, especially as divorce itself can be challenging. To help you navigate this path effectively, we offer 10 essential tips for successful co-parenting after divorce. The first three tips are particularly valuable for those considering divorce or in its early stages.

Before or during divorce, it’s advisable to keep these strategies in mind. They can help make the co-parenting process smoother and less stressful for all parties involved.

10 Tips on Co-Parenting a Child

1. Get Accustomed To The Subject Of Co-Parenting Before The Divorce

When one is about to get a divorce or is in the heart of it, they never really settle down to think of how they might work out co-parenting with the spouse they want to end things with. You never really can blame them. This is why we suggest as one of the things to consider before getting a divorce is how you are going to co-parent with your ex-spouse in the face of a court’s decision of custody.

How ready are you to control your emotions while you do ‘mommy and daddy’ duties with your ex? Get accustomed to the fact that you would have to co-parent with your ex if a child is involved while you get a divorce. The more you get accustomed to it, the little surprise or fright you might have when it is eventual time.

Co-Parenting after Divorce: 10 Tips on Co-parenting a Child

2. Try As Much As Possible To Avoid a Messy Divorce

If you want to succeed at co-parenting with your ex-spouse, then you must try as much as possible to not have a messy divorce. A messy divorce leaves both parties bitter. If the other person is no longer going to be your spouse, joint custody will require you to have some form of relationship with them and this would not be possible if the divorce ends up being messy.

3. Let The Children Know About The Divorce

One of the most difficult things to do when having a divorce is letting your children know about it. Regardless of their age, the effect on them is still the same- heartbreak. To ease this heartbreak, you can let the children know about the divorce. With their understanding, you can easily have joint custody over them and still co-parent without having any emotional responsibilities to your ex-spouse. It makes the work easier. They know when it’s time to be with mommy or daddy and so on.

4. Obey The Court Order

In some cases, one party usually violates the court order. This could be abusing the custody time by overextending it or denying the other party of their rights to co-parent. If you want to be successful at co-parenting, then obey the order of the court. Whatever issues arise, you may discuss it with your co-parent.

5. Create Room For Friendship

This is the magical trick for co-parenting with your ex-spouse. Be friends. If you have successfully avoided a messy divorce, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be friends with them. Such friendships give room for you to laugh a little and exchange jokes. It makes the children happier than to see you both fight all the time.

6. Put Your Children’s Needs As A Major Priority

Another thing you need to have in mind when co-parenting with your ex-spouse is putting your children’s needs as a major priority. Do you know what they need? They need both a father and a mother. Some divorcees have the wrong idea that they could be both for their children. The fact is both roles are specific for both spouses. Your child needs the love and attention of both parents and not one and this is why you must succeed at co-parenting.

7. Have Shared Visions For Your Children

Having shared visions for your children is another way of co-parent with your ex-spouse. This can begin with the need to provide basic amenities for your children e.g. education, healthcare, feeding, and clothing, etc. This can then materialize into greater visions like marriage, career, etc.

8. Learn To Put The Past Aside

Learning to put the past aside gives you room to heal and suit up for co-parenting duties. Let the past not be a hindrance to you embracing the future.

9. Give Respect So It Can Be Reciprocated

Respect the opinions and ideas of your ex-spouse on how they want the children to be brought up. Remember it is called CO-PARENTING. It means you have a partner to help you train the children. Feel free to ask questions, clear off misunderstandings and give your opinions. If you respect their opinion, definitely it would be reciprocated.

10. Share The Bills

Co-parenting doesn’t come cheap, this is why you are advised to share the bills. Show appreciation when support comes in from your ex-spouse and even when it doesn’t encourage them.

How To Co-parent With Your Ex-spouse When You are Married

Co-parenting with your ex-spouse may be a lot easier if you both were single but if either of you is with a spouse, then it is going to be a battle of emotions. In order to avoid that, here are some tips on how to do co-parenting with your ex when you are married.

1. Respect Your Ex-spouse’s Emotions And Decisions

If you have moved on and you’re dating or married again, while co-parenting, learn to respect your ex-spouse’s emotions or decisions. Remember you are both the co-parent. Do not do anything to spite your ex-spouse and do not try to replace them in your children’s life simply because you have someone who could replace them.

2. Create Boundaries

Creating boundaries is not necessarily for the children but for yourself. You also have a responsibility to your new spouse, so you have to create emotional and physical boundaries of which your ex-spouse ought to respect.

3. Have The Talk With Your New Spouse

You have to explain the situation of things to your new spouse and make sure you have some level of trust and understanding. You can also let them in on the co-parenting, with your ex-spouse’s permission of course. It’s more love for the children.

4. Own Up To Your Responsibilities

A new spouse means new responsibilities. This means you have a responsibility to your ex-spouse, new spouse, and your children, you have to own up to them. Be responsible for your actions and relationships.

5. Always Ask or Speak Up

In co-parenting, there is no room for being quiet. If you do not understand, ask, you do not like an act, speak up. It’s your right as a co-parent.

How To Co-parent With Your Ex-spouse When He/She Is Dating/Married

1. Respect Your Ex-spouse’s Emotions And Decisions

In this case, you have to respect their emotions and decisions as regards their new spouse. Do not feel like you are being replaced and try to be understanding.

2. Create Boundaries

Create boundaries for yourself and if your ex-spouse creates boundaries, respect them.

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3. Mind Your Business

Try as much as possible to mind your business. Try not to find out much about their relationship. You should be more interested in your child’s welfare.

4. Let Their Spouse Be In On It Too

You can feel free to receive help from their spouse in assisting in bringing up the children. It’s safe to extend the hand of friendship.

Some Activities That Might Require You To Co-parent With Your Ex-spouse

Some activities that may require you to co-parent with your ex-spouse may include;

Attending PTA meetings
Birthday parties
Graduation ceremonies
Family outings
School runs
Prom
Weddings
Childbirth
Award ceremonies
Celebrations etc.

Can Co-parenting after Divorce Be Successful?

Co-parenting can be successful if you want it to be. Although there is no guarantee that it will be easy, yet you can work things out.

What Does Co-parenting After Divorce Entail?

Co-Parenting with your ex-spouse requires you to be emotionally and psychologically fit to handle the blows it sends your way. It is basically doing what parents who are still married do except with the emotional commitments, sharing the same house, etc. What you share are your children. It will require you to play mommy and daddy roles with your ex-spouse. It will require you to see them after the divorce when they pick up the children. It requires you to seek their opinions on issues regarding the children.