A Father’s Love
For as many children who stay in this part of the world, i.e. Africa, a constant verbal profession of love from parents to children is not common. This does not mean that children are not loved by their mothers or even cared for by their fathers
Generally, it is vague to show love by merely professing it verbally, leaving behind the actions that correspond. Maybe an extreme believe in ‘showing love by doing’ is what has culminated in the kind of love and care given by a father to his children.
When a father loves, he loves indeed. Recently, speaking with a friend who facilitates talks on a wide range of subjects, she mentioned that she had smiled when I had picked the topic ‘dads’ to be discussed. In her case, her parents’ marriage experienced a divorce quite early.
Upon the departure of her mum, her dad stayed from remarrying hoping that no person gets the chance to mistreat his precious daughter, as she was an only child in the marriage before the divorce. In her father’s point of view, he does not want some woman to treat his young daughter as some trash. Although she claims that her friendship with her dad is deteriorating as there is a new wife now that she is older, she still believes that her dad loves her still. He calls in sometimes to tell that he misses her.
What Then is a Father’s Love?
Sacrifice
A father’s love is sacrificial. Fathers are born gods to their children, they give tirelessly to meet their needs. A loving dad gives his child as much as he or she needs, so much so that he is willing to deny himself of a few essentials to meet the needs of his child. Apart from the responsibility of providing for his family, he expresses his love by his ability to provide for his family and his decisions to forgo his needs.
You can say that a man working into the night may be ambitious, but it is not always the case with the man that has the responsibility of a ‘father’. Thinking about the wellness of his family, the happy smiles on the faces of his children which he wouldn’t want to disappear, or the gratefulness his wife displays when he returns with some cash gifting might just be what gives him some drive to up his game at work. I believe to give oneself, to think of others and their well-being, to make some sacrifices is a kind of love language that is best understood to a large extent by the giver!
Once I graduate from a specific training college which usually, in the past series, dad will tell me that I have done well, but it is a different case this time around. I wait for the moment but it does not seem forthcoming. I am disappointed. Although I did well enough to pass the training, I do not feel like it. I realized how much I had imbibed the mantra “you did well” booming from the proud face of my dad, as a manner of care for my efforts, on his part.
True Love
A basic characteristics of a father’s love is that it is true love. True love is scarce these days and if you get someone to really love you, hold on tight, then you have a rare gem.
Lovers probably maintain their love as long as they are able to get something out of their love life and friends will stick as long as the other party show them some care. Bosses will be nice as long you have something to contribute to the organization and colleagues will give you some air if you prove yourself worthy. Lol. But a father? He is wired to give love unconditionally.
When you think you have really messed things up and perhaps you are done with, a word of encouragement from your dad can refuel your vibes and make you secure. Sometimes, when the going gets tough what you need might just be a simple fatherly encouragement to bounce back on your feet.
For some people, it can be an utterance as simple as “Well done” or a thumbs up or “my lovely son” or “you are my daughter” that affirms the approving and supportive love of a father. These phrases assure that we are ‘not in this alone’ and sets the pace for children to be who they strive to be with much confidence.
Correction
A father’s love could also come in stern firm instruction and correction. I take it that you don’t enjoy such moments, well so do I. A father who cares, will never fail to instruct. From the wealth of experience, they possess through childhood into fatherhood, they are usually equipped to know the endpoints of a child’s innocent decision. Instructions meted out by a good father calls his children to order.
This is difficult to grasp a times, especially when the children cannot fully understand his point of view at such times.
While mum will feel so sorry that you have to go through some hard times and may not have the courage to let you know how much you need to do or needed not to have done, dad will definitely spit them out. This is not done out of hatred, as he is as sorry as mum but he tells you anyway.
Just to keep you posted, there are fathers who do not share this idiosyncrasy of willingness towards one’s children and family. I call this dysfunctional. It should not be. Over the years we have seen some dysfunctionality in our society which if we check closely have a root linked to a dysfunctional family setting.
The father holds a major position of leadership and the saying, so goes the goose, so goes the gander holds true here too. A father who leads his family aright immensely contributes his quota in realizing a better society and essence for living. The child receives love enough from him to extend to others in the society thereby fostering communal growth.
Earlier in the beginning, I mentioned that the kind of love proportionate to a father’s is one which is authenticated by doing but this shouldn’t be all there is. No. A father sacrifices, supports and loves truly but he needs to affirm this by recklessly professing it to his ever expectant child. He could announce his love for his child or children when he has the opportunity. Fathers should tell their friends, their spouse, their colleagues at work, and even let the kids know how much he loves them and will be there for them.
Although it is no longer new to find single mums in town whose family do not possess a father figure. It is pathetic that children live without a great example of fatherhood available, as they have no one to look up to as a father. They miss out on the benefits of having a dad who will shower them with fatherly love.
Personally, I thought irresponsible fathers constitute a nuisance in the society and should be made responsible by some measure of lawful discipline. Sad, but who cares if it works! Fathers navigate the course of the family and every family should have one at one point or the other.
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