Toxic Relationship: 7 Telltale Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship |
Survivors of toxic relationships always claim to have seen the warning signs of the impending toxicity from the onset. They admit to turning a blind eye to these signs, hoping to either change their partners or at least, learn to cope with them.
While it is very easy to spot these signs from the other side of a toxic relationship, recognizing them when you are the victim is hard. This is because toxic behaviors are hard to spot. After all, they come in many different (and often very attractive) packages. The toxic partners are often very covert about it and we go into the relationship hoping for the best. So don’t blame yourself for not taking action on those early red flags, even though, in hindsight, they appear to be neon-lit billboards staring you right in the face.
In this article, we’ll be showing you some telltale warning signs of a toxic relationship. If any of these signs seem familiar, then you should reconsider your relationship choices.
1. Violent Tendencies
It might not be so obvious at first, but you must double-check if your partner has violent tendencies. Does he or she resort to violence as the next course of action following a disagreement, either with you or with anyone else? You might have detected tiny flashes of anger surfacing even in situations that do not warrant the reaction. During dinner, do you notice them get mad at the waiter(ess) for mixing their order? When you are out for a date, do they randomly threaten strangers who must have unintentionally offended them?
Violence does not just have to be physical, it could also be psychological (also called emotional abuse). In this situation, the person will attempt to scare, control, or isolate you. They will do it in words and also in the persistence of some of their actions. They will engage in tactics that are targeted at undermining your self-esteem. They will compare you to people they feel are better than you, even their exes! They will patronize you and never miss a chance to belittle your accomplishments. They might never raise a hand against you, but trust me, your mental health would have received a thorough whopping.
If you notice yourself jumping in fear and being able to identify some potentially volatile situations for your partner, then you need to pack your bags and get moving. It might take some time, but one day, all that anger and violence will be directed towards you.
2. Instability
This is one red flag you might not notice from the get-go. When you first meet someone, you do not go through their whole life history in a second. Instead, you only check for details you think aligns with what you need at that point. But as you continue to date, you begin to notice how unstable your partner is. Toxic people find it extremely difficult to settle into anything. Once you begin to dig below the surface, you will find that they tend to leave friendship groups, change jobs, move towns, or champion a series of broken relationships for very unreasonable causes. You find that they are hardly ever invested in anything for a long period and find it very difficult to make up their minds on certain life changes.
This instability could also translate into a fear of commitments. In this case, your partner remains very vague and is unable to make up their minds about a particular decision. They are never here or there, always dancing around the topic and never giving a definite answer to the questions that bug you about your relationship.
Chances are, that relationship will waste your time. And it even gets worse when you realize that you have no right to be mad since nothing was even decided in the first place. You need stability to stay sane, and not knowing if your partner is even stable or not will do strange things to your mind. The instability of your partner will make you unstable.
3. Overreactions
This step is also closely related to the first point. Observe if your partner’s reactions are over the top (or even forced) in certain situations. If you notice that they get too angry, too anxious, too loud, too upset, or even go emotionless, then that’s a red flag. What this points to is how bad your partner is at regulating their emotions and expressing what they feel. Many people struggle with emotional regulation but it is a necessary ingredient for human communication. In fact, there is such a thing as emotional regulation disorder (emotional dysregulation) and it is closely linked with mental health conditions and psychopathology. Get you an emotionally regulated partner and save yourself from future outbursts.
4. Inconsiderate Actions
Selfishness is a toxic trait and can exist in relationships. Toxic partners will disregard your feelings and wishes and would make theirs superior in any given situation. They will invalidate your feelings and needs just so theirs can be fulfilled.
If you notice that you constantly have to change your plans, the big and small ones, to accommodate your partner’s plans, then that’s a red flag. Toxic people want to be the only reason why you breathe and move on the earth. They want to be at the front and center of your plans and they find it hard to understand when you dare mention that you have other priorities. This is usually the case until they have something planned for themselves and they don’t want you in on it. In fact, you might notice that your partner finds it hard to be accountable to you – they are constantly absent, cancels plans at the eleventh hour, ignores you for long periods, makes decisions for the both of you without consulting you, and generally doesn’t value your advice. But when it’s your turn, they want to be involved in every single process and even make those decisions for you. They want you to cancel your plans, no matter how big they are, just so you could show up for them. They get offended when you insist on doing something without them.
You need a partner that is thoughtful and kind. One who considers how a particular word, action, or situation could make you feel and acts accordingly in your best interests.
5. Obsessiveness
Have you noticed that your partner gets easily obsessed over things? Do they gain an interest in something today and suddenly cannot get over it? Although this one might be near impossible to spot, it is a red flag. These obsessions could spill into so many corners of your relationship until there is no more room to breathe.
Your partner could take an obsessive interest in you. You might not spot this quickly especially when you are flattered by getting so much attention but you must be certain that it is not going over the top. This obsession could quickly turn into an unhealthy emotionally dependent situation. An obsessive partner might feel the need to protect you obsessively, to the point that it becomes controlling and unhealthy. They like knowing where you are at all times, what you are doing, and with whom. It gets worse when they even revolt against you leaving their grip and becoming more independent.
Apart from being obsessed with you, they could also have an unhealthy obsession with other substances like drugs and alcohol. It might not be an outright addiction, but it could quickly become that if they are unable to control their obsessive impulses.
Study the signs of obsession, and leave before it becomes too dangerous to do so.
6. Treating Others Badly
How do they talk to their family? To the driver? Or to the waiter(ess) at the restaurant? Were they courteous? Respectful? Or just plain rude and dismissive?
The way people talk to and about other people is always a clue of who they (really) are. No one is above dropping a remark here and there, but it’s especially telling when someone aims at an innocent stranger or a person who is supposedly close to them. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that they will never be that way to you because it will only be a matter of time before you become the recipient of your partner’s vileness.
7. Owns a Den of Secrets
Nobody keeps a secret better than a toxic person. This is usually because they have a lot to hide. Most times, they will never let you touch their phones, and even when they do, they are always so quick to get it back. They will hesitate about sharing details about their history and family. They never go straight to the point when you ask them personal questions, instead, they could dance around the topic until you are too exhausted to care either way. Their unwillingness to share their secrets does not mean they are not willing to hear yours. They will ask for yours but will never volunteer to share theirs.
As you were reading this article, did anybody come to mind? If it was an old partner that came to mind, then congratulations on getting out of that mess. But if any of these signs remind you of your current partner, then you know what to do.
Leave.
All pictures are from Pexels and no attribution is required.
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