6 Dating Tips For Introverts
Dating Tips For Introverts |
The introverted community has always been a special one to me as an individual because I have had many friends and relatives that are the shy, quiet, or reserved type. This topic was inspired after meeting another introverted friend who complained about his difficulty in meeting new people so he could date and possibly find true love. Thus, this article.
Know this, whether you are an extrovert or an introvert or a combo (like I am😎), you have as many chances as the next guy to date and enjoy dating. You don’t need to be loud, outgoing, or overly chatting to find a partner and enjoy your relationship.
So, to all the hermits, nerds, geeks, otakus, and shut-ins, this one’s for you!😄
There are many tips to mention in this article but we will be focusing on six major points that will be expounded in detail for you to enjoy your reading experience. I hope you enjoy this journey as much as I do😳 but before that, let’s spy into the introverted community so we can understand why they act the way they do and how best to relate with them. (This is especially for extroverts that are having a hard time dating introverts). The better you understand your partner, the better your communication, and the more your relationship is solidified.
The Introvert
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As opposed to popular opinion, introversion is not exactly shyness. This is an error that most people have concluded because introverts are reserved. This misconception has in one way or the other led to the stigma that now follows introverts, making their personality look like it is ‘second-class’ or inferior.
According to Wikipedia, “Introversion is a preference, while shyness stems from distress. Introverts prefer solitary to social activities, but do not necessarily fear social encounters as shy people do.”
It goes to say that introverts are not necessarily boring or shy people like they are often perceived to be. They simply prefer to be reserved or reflective, prizing their mental self above social gatherings and public places. They thrive in isolation as they have enough time to enjoy solitary activities like reading, writing, painting, or even meditating.
One point needs to be made clear in this article; As much as introverts are not boring people (to spend time with), they are also not bored people. Never make the mistake of thinking a person is bored because he/she chooses to spend time by themselves.
I’ll have you know that introverts, as well as some ambiverts (like I am), enjoy their own company. They do not need your pity, empathy, or help. They enjoy being by themselves and if you find yourself dating, related to, or being friends with an introvert, you must respect this behavior of theirs by giving them the space they desire when they want to be left alone. It doesn’t mean they are sad, don’t want to be with you, or don’t love you. You simply need to understand them.
Understanding is the foundation of any long-lasting relationship, platonic or romantic.
They enjoy being alone, they aren’t lonely people.
It is sad, however, that society has taught (and still teaches) people from childhood that to be sociable is to be happy. People no longer spend time enjoying their own company, and when they do, people around them look at them weirdly or pitifully, thinking they are depressed or sad. To be sociable doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness.
Many extroverts are struggling with depression in society today. While many introverts are content and happy in their isolation.
If you find yourself dating an introvert who would rather watch movies indoors than at the cinemas, have you cook them a meal than go out to eat dinner, play video games on the console in the living room than go to the arcade, paint you instead of going to a house party, you shouldn’t feel bad or sad or angry about it. It doesn’t mean you are not spending quality time with your partner (because that is how most extroverts feel). What matters is that both of you create memories that will last while you are together. Even if he or she decides to have a book reading as your next dating activity😅.
For a better understanding of the introverts or wallflowers (like I like to call them😊), see Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. I advise couples and individuals that struggle with understanding this personality (either for themselves or for other people) to pick it up and enjoy a good read.
Dating Tips For Introverts
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We have taken a sneak peek at the introvert community to understand why they prefer seclusion and have come to the conclusion that it is not because they are bored or boring people, rather, it is because their positive vibes rise when they engage themselves by themselves.
Now that you have an understanding of why your partner, or you as an individual, would rather stay shut in a room watching anime and munching on chips instead of going to the club on a Friday night, you can now find a way to balance your personality with that of your partner’s (or if you are both introverts, find a way to get yourself out there once in a while for the sake of balance/moderation) to enjoy the best dating experience.
This section of the article will be discussed from three perspectives: introverts dating extroverts, introverts dating introverts, and introverts dating in search of a relationship. So, wherever you find your sub, well you know what to do😁.
This is the mistake that many introverts make. They don’t want their dates to think them boring so they try to act like they are comfortable in crowded or noisy places when they are not. Meet at places where you know you would be comfortable. Don’t pretend to be a bumblebee when you are a tortoise that enjoys staying inside your shell.
Introverts are known to make great friends so don’t rush or try to change your personality.
Don’t make drastic changes to your appearance. You might have heard things like “how about trying a new look on your next date? Who knows you might get better luck this time.” Don’t. I repeat, don’t. Getting a different haircut, or dressing style will make you uncomfortable and overly conscious throughout the date and it will kill your confidence.
For example, if you are used to wearing t-shirts on jeans to your dates with little makeup and you suddenly decide to wear a miniskirt, a low cut blouse, and heavy makeup, you will only feel like a clown at a circus😂💔.
I always tell people this– “Sexiness is all about confidence and vice-versa.” People will always be attracted to confident people, introvert or not.
2. Choose the Right Venue and Date Type That Suits Your Personality
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When you’re on a date with someone for the first time, you might want to choose a date location that you are very familiar with. This will ease the tension or fear that might arise from visiting a strange location and distract you from focusing on the date before you.
Introverts get drained easily and quickly when they find themselves in large gatherings so next time, when you are picking a date venue and activity for either yourself or your partner, have it in mind to preferably make it a short, activity-based date.
For example, a conventional restaurant dinner date that could last three or four hours might not be very comfortable for an introvert. Instead, one-on-one dates (not in rowdy places), a visit to the movies, or arcade to play games (with the other person’s consent of course), will be better, as it will allow both parties to have fun, talk without focusing their full attention on each other (which might be a bit discomfiting for the introvert), and still create memories together.
Keep it brief but make it last.
3. Always Prepare an Escape Plan
I love this tip😂. It might sound funny and ridiculous but this tip is one that everyone needs– especially for first dates– but it is expedient for introverts because introverts tend to be ‘people-pleasers’, not wanting to be aggressive or complainers when they are not okay with something.
The moment you start getting red flags from your date, do not be afraid to slide your escape plan into motion and ditch that date!
Examples of these red flags could be hints of any form of harassment (verbal, physical, or sexual), narcissistic traits like talking about himself without allowing you to air your views, or receiving all your attention without giving you his ( introverts think a lot before they talk and are great listeners. This makes them excellent conversationalists when you allow them.)
Do not settle for less, expect as much as you give.
You can always have a mutual friend around the venue to help you exit the scene without actually causing a scene since introverts generally hate having public attention on them, or you could text your friend to call you with an excuse to leave.
Although, extroverts don’t need to bother themselves to go this far because they are more vocal about their thoughts and opinions. An extrovert can easily get up, tell her date all the things she hated about the date and walk out, not caring if she made a scene or caused the mouth of twenty individuals to stand agape in her wake.
4. Discard the Social Stigma That Surrounds Introverts
This one is directed towards the extroverts that are dating introverts and are having a hard time at it. Dating introverts might be a bit challenging but it is definitely worth the fight💯. Many people believe dating introverts is boring, uneventful, and overbearing, but it isn’t. In fact, introverts can do very extroverted activities (even more than some extroverts), they just need to be in the right place and ‘recharge’ so they can build up the energy they need to perform activities.
Do not compare your relationship with other people’s relationships. Do not use theirs as a standard to rate your relationship because it leads to unnecessary discontent in a relationship.
5. Create a Balance Between Your Need to Socialize and Your Partner’s Need to Isolate.
This key is very important. Balancing is a problem that every couple faces in their relationship be it extrovert-introvert, introvert-introvert, or even extrovert-extrovert. As an extrovert, you need to find a way to understand your introverted partner’s personality and work your bubbly lifestyle around his/her reserved lifestyle.
Introverts are not antisocial, they just prefer a small circle of honest and sincere friends. So, if you want your partner to participate in functions, you might want to organize small parlor gatherings instead of large parties. Group readings and one-on-one talk sessions with friends or alone together will also sit well with their reserved personalities.
Instead of over-the-top date nights at an expensive restaurant that is swarming with people or going to the movies and having to deal with terrible traffic or ill-treatment from his/her seat partner that will only drain him/her mentally, how about more frequent special ‘candle-lit’ dinners or watching anime together or even football (just to please him). Moments like these are more intimate and tend to create even more memorable memories than large gatherings and expensive restaurants or crowded theater halls.
We can’t focus on only the extroverts. As an introverted partner in a relationship, you also have to make sacrifices. Once in a while, you need to get out of your comfort zone to please your partner. It might not be easy for you but you also need to sacrifice as much as your extroverted partner does. If not, frustration and discontent will set in and that never ends well.
- Another important point to note is Conflict Resolution between introvert-extrovert couples. It has been identified as a major problem between them because the difference in their methods of approach or response towards conflict differs.
While extroverts prefer to air their views and lay down their complaints in a very vocal manner, introverts tend to withdraw and prefer to wave off the matter not because they do not care, but because they do not feel comfortable in conflicts. This behavior often misleads the extrovert to think they are uninterested in the problem at hand thereby leading to more dissension.
The solution: Couples can run experiments to ‘practice’ how to deal with conflicts and then discuss what they do not like, better ways to approach a situation, etc.
Practice, they say, makes perfect. The more you do something, the better you get at doing it. The more you practice conflict resolution with your partner, the better you get at it.
6. Practice Makes Permanent
I’m sure you were expecting ‘Practice Makes Perfect’ again in the title😂. Don’t worry, it’s not a typo error. Practice does make permanent. The more you do something, the more ‘natural’ you get at doing it. You can practice open-ended questions with a friend by roleplaying, the way you do for job interviews. It sounds ridiculous, I mean who practices Q&A sessions for a date with their friend?😅 but it is a known fact that practice builds confidence and confidence equates to high self-esteem which is directly proportional to sexiness (in my dictionary that is😉).
Don’t be ashamed to practice questions and responses to probable questions. The more you do it, the more natural you will get at it, till you become completely free with it. It will boost your morale and increase your communication energy with your date.
You could make use of simple, fun but engaging questions like:
- What is your favorite food?
- What are your hobbies?
- What is the craziest thing that has ever happened to you?
- What is your most embarrassing moment?
You can see from those questions that you are engaging your partner, getting to know them better, and having fun, without sounding like an intruder or a stalker. These Q&A sessions help to douse first date jitters a lot so you can keep this in mind the next time you wanna go on a first date– online or in person 😉.
Very important, avoid oversharing and polarizing topics like religion and politics when answering or asking these types of questions. It is a very big turn off for both parties. Instead, reply with funny and witty banter that will give the conversation good vibes and make your date want to schedule another date.
Finally, my very attentive and amazing reader (I mean, you lasted this long? You deserve an award or something😍😂), do not hide your introversion, stay true to yourself and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
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