5 Random Things Our Parents Were Wrong To Tell Us Not To Do
We all know parenting isn’t an easy task. Raising a child requires you to make sacrifices on so many levels. We appreciate our parents for the effort they put into making us the men or women we are now. This article is by no means negating that effort. I am just trying to point out a few errors here and there so others can learn from it and become better parents. Every parent had his/her own parenting style but we can’t deny that parenting guides are helpful.
I will be talking about some random things our parents scolded us for when they didn’t know better. Some of these will surprise you because your parents might have thought they knew best. Parents are always looking out for their children, and wanting the best for them after all. Here we go 👇
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Don’t Ask Questions
Oh yeah. Even us elder brothers and sisters are on this table. Sometimes it just isn’t the right time for questions, and kids never seem to understand or perceive that. Mommy, why is the sky blue? Why did you laugh daddy? Very innocuous questions that on normal days would be answered almost reflexively could sound like iron scraping against iron in your ears when you’re stressed.
“Can you stop asking me questions?”, “where are your toys? Get something to play with!” Or the nastier “Shut up!” Is what our children get most of the time. They will either sulk or cry after such reprimand, leaving us to wash away our guilt with a pat on the back, an apology, or if you’re a typical African mother, an extra spoon of dinner. Lol.
As harmless as it seems, it is quite dangerous to shut your child up. At that age, children are trying to make sense of the world. If you remember that they are born without any knowledge of anything when they ask you questions, you might be more tolerant. Children need this guidance, it helps them navigate the mazes of everyday life that have become invisible to us due to our age.
Instead of yelling at your child, why not answer as many questions as you can and encourage the child to write down the rest or try to remember them later? These extra questions will then be answered when you’re less stressed, less busy, and in a cozy environment. Trust me, the bond between you and your child will grow and it would also help your child’s cognitive abilities.
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Don’t Be Idle
Pardon me, I want to ask you parents a question. Why does it irritate you when you see a child playing on his/her own? I understand it could be because of indoctrination or the fear of getting your entire house turned upside down but it is important to note that play is a very important part of a child’s life. It is a medium of expression. Play helps your child discover himself.
Lately, it has been a trend in Nigeria for parents to enroll their children for after-school lectures that span from 4-8 PM. I would say that this practice is incredibly selfish. Firstly because it does not help the child and secondly because parents now do it just to get away from their children.
It is great for children to discover the world in books and words but what about themselves? How do they find themselves when they spend all day locked up in a classroom? What time do they have for introspection when all their days are spent listening to the teacher and dozing off in class. Do you really spend time with your child as it is?
I cannot imagine the horror of ceding your parenting rights to a teacher and I’m sure you can’t either. That’s exactly what you’re doing though. A teacher’s job is to guide a child through her cognitive development. Your job is to teach your child values and the practical aspects of life.
Give your child space for #Metime. If you’re so eager to get your child reading then include books in your child’s toy catalog from an early age. Don’t be scared that they aren’t school books. If your child is familiar with storybooks and novels, it will enable him to develop a love for reading and ultimately studying.
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Don’t Snitch
“You talk too much, must you say everything?” ❌
Resist the urge to tell your child that please! Your child doesn’t talk too much, he just talks to you about what he has seen and wants your opinion about. If he is playing with his mates and he comes to you a hundred and fifty times to complain that someone is bothering him, you have to find a solution to his problem.
Typically, the solution to your problem would be getting him out of the playground entirely. Is that a good thing though? No! That would only make him feel like he doesn’t belong. Sometimes when your child comes crying to you about a skinned knee all she needs is an air kiss on the spot to heal it.
Your child crying about the behavior of another child? Help him calm down and try to address the issue. DON’T try to make the situation look unnecessary and trivial because it might be silly to you but to your child, that’s the most important issue right about then.
Be the listening ear to your child, her personal lawyer. Shutting a child up would only show that child how much you don’t care about his/her feelings. In the long run, your child would find it very difficult to come to you with secrets. Sound familiar?
In contrast, helping your child during such crisis moments shows the child that she can depend on you. Believe me, old habits die hard. Children who receive such treatment find it easy to talk to their parents when they become teenagers and adults.
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Don’t Be Selfish
There was one time my mom gave out some of my clothes as charity. I was about eight years old. She went through my wardrobe and brought out my favorite white blouse and other clothes she thought I didn’t need. My favorite white blouse! It had a picture at the front and fringes along the waist. I loved it, I couldn’t believe she was going to give it away.
I cried, I begged her not to. I didn’t care about the other clothes but that blouse was precious to me. So precious that I had barely worn it, preferring to admire it from time to time. It’s been more than ten years and I still remember that day vividly. My mom is sitting with all my clothes around her. Me standing in front of her, begging her to leave that one blouse.
Please don’t do this to your child. As much as we want to cultivate the spirit of “giving” in a child, we should recognize that to children, some things just matter a whole lot. To your child, it might be a plastic toy or a teddy they absolutely don’t want to share. Don’t force them! You’ll end up hurting your child and making it even harder for them to share when they are grown up.
Your child is a being that knows what she wants. She might be small, but she already has a will, likes and dislikes, wants, and desires. Don’t be too grown up to see that.
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Don’t Make Mistakes
Okay, this one is a classic. It is so HYPOCRITICAL. What is it with expecting a child to be perfect? Are you perfect? I’m an adult and I’m not perfect, I try and I fail. Many parents sometimes force their children into ideals they had always dreamed they could meet up to.
The perfect musician. The perfect gentleman. The perfect woman. The perfect student. To hell with being perfect. You wear your child out just because you have lofty expectations. That’s not fair. Your child has the right to choose how hard he/she wants to go. Yes, guidance and discipline is necessary but you shouldn’t tailor your child’s life to fit your needs.
Lots of parents have produced kids who are barely holding their rebellion in check. Lots of children have rebelled and left their parents in shock. How did this happen? I thought you loved golf! No, he didn’t, he just pretended to because he saw how much you wanted him to love golf.
Your child fails a course at school and you almost set the house on fire. Lots of African parents are on this table. Let me tell you something If your child no know buk, he no go know buk.
You cannot force knowledge into a child’s head when s/he is not book smart. I agree there are some children who are smart but lazy and need a little nudge (parents know these ones)
They also know those who fit into the latter group but continue to punish the child because of denial. Apart from schoolwork, children make lots of mistakes in the home like spill water on the floor or break stuff. While punishing the child, make sure that the punishment matches the crime and not your anger.
If you don’t do this, you might end up teaching your child a terrible lesson – you don’t have to be fair, you can punish people anyhow you want so long as you’re the bigger and stronger person. Please try not to do this. Someone said the best time to punish a child is when you’re not angry. Wisdom!
I hope you enjoyed reading this article. If you’re a parent and have made these mistakes already, there’s still time to change. If you’re yet to be a parent, please write these points down somewhere so you won’t forget them. If you have more to add please do so in the comment box. Don’t forget to like and share. I love you all. Cheers to being admirable parents to our children.
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