17 Things You Must Never Do After A Breakup

A breakup is never fun, even though it might be the next reasonable thing to do after your relationship goes sour. Whether you have been left behind or you have ended the relationship, breaking up is always difficult. At the time, you may experience a lot of anger and loneliness, but try to stay positive. It’s not the end of the world, or your life, even though you feel that is exactly how it is.

First, understand that it will hurt. If you are here reading this article right now, it’s probably because you know this. Injuries hurt. They can also take longer to heal than most of us would like to admit. According to human relations experts, while there is no harm in taking all the time you need to get over it, there are a multitude of things you should NOT do while on track healing.

After a separation, it is common nature to want to make some really impulsive and ill-advised decisions. Some might really be as benign as changing your phone case or as extreme as moving out of town. Whatever you might feel like doing, these are some things you should NEVER do after a breakup.

After A Breakup, What Next?

1. Do Not Text (or Call)

You might be tempted to just check up on your ex, maybe to just see how she’s faring. But after that harmless call or text, the memories will start to flood in and you see yourself back in ground zero.

Any contact with your ex reinforces your attachment and prevents you from forgetting it. This is according to Lisa Marie Bobby, Ph.D., founder, and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching, author of Exaholics and presenter of Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast.

“Removing your ex from your physical and digital world is an important step in healing,” she explains. Try not to contact this person for at least 30 days if you want to start recovering from the breakup. These 30 days will then turn into 40 days, then 50… ”The chances are that by then you will feel much better and that you will see more clearly. Solid advice.

2. Don’t Make It A Drama

There is nothing funny about a breakup, but neither is it the end of the world. Make peace and don’t try to drag other people into your hurt. Learn to let go and let be.

When you are wiped out, Juliana Morris recommends loving you enough to trust you. “Don’t let the intensity of your feelings begin to make you doubt yourself by never saying more and swearing that you will never be caught dating someone and loving forever.” Do not be tempted to slash their tires and make them look bad to their friends and family.

As difficult and heartbreaking as it may be, you will eventually forget, move on, and feel better. No need to regret some of the things you did in your healing process.

3. Don’t See The Relationship As A Failure

We all have different reasons for falling for someone. Just because the relationship did not work did not automatically mean that it was a huge mistake. Every single thing that happens in our lives was made for a reason. You might not see it clearly, but still, learn to be grateful for the time you spent with your partner.

“If you connected with this person, were vulnerable enough to love and feel loved, it was not a failure,” explains Juliana Morris. Think back to the reason and the need you had for this relationship and what it brought you. Try to remember how good they made you feel at a particular time, and don’t always focus on where it all went wrong.

4. Don’t Set A Time Limit

Pain does not have a timetable. It does not come and go as you wish it to. It is important to understand that recovering from a breakup takes time – and that you may need it more than your best friend after the breakup.

“Healing is actually a step-by-step process,” says Lisa Marie Bobby. ‘Recognizing and respecting it can help you take the path of authenticity to better heal and grow personally. ”

Allow yourself to breathe and take your healing slowly. When it heals, it heals.

5. Don’t Hate Your Ex

In the end, your ex is a human being like you who struggles to live their lives. As much as you might hate to hear it, people need to do what they feel is best for them. Deciding that you are not the one takes no shine off your skin. You’re still as awesome as ever and you would find the one made for you pretty soon.

After a breakup, try to free yourself from the pain and resentment. Remember how much you used to love this person, and continue to see them in that light. Letting go of resentment and ushering in positivity will help you to heal and eventually, move on.

6. Do Not Go On A Vacation

Taking a vacation immediately after a breakup might help you deal with the hurt, but the problem is that it is only temporary.

All it does is to distract you and keep you from focusing on your healing process. It just keeps you busy until you get home. In other words, it only delays your healing. No need to waste that plane ticket on a doomed journey. It’s the perfect time to surround yourself with people who love you and not beautiful strangers. However, appealing the thought might be.

7. Don’t Ask For A Second Chance

Take a step back from your situation and give it a deep thought. Do you really want to go through this again? Ask yourself important questions like, why exactly do you want to get back with your ex? Is it because you love your ex so much and cannot imagine life without them, or could it be that you have no idea how to start being without them?

Learn to live life on your turf. Find yourself as a single person, and revisit your goals. Your values and what drives you. Does your ex still fit into the picture of the new person you have become? If they do, then, of course, ask for a second chance. But if they don’t, don’t make that call darling.

8. Don’t Be So Quick To Get Into Another Relationship

Chances are you’ve found someone else. Or someone else has always been lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to come into your life.

It may be tempting, in revenge, to want to replace the other at the first opportunity, but you had better resist.

After a breakup, especially a really painful one, you must be careful to not start a new relationship on a whim. A relationship like that would be risky and doomed to fresh failure. Take the time to digest what just happened to you, to understand why things did not happen as you had hoped, and to think about what you will do differently next time. Only this way would you be able to make better decisions and avoid greater hurt.

9. Don’t Make Yourself Void of Any Blame

No one wants to feel like it’s their fault that it didn’t work, but the relationship is actually between two people; partners. Agreed, one partner may be largely responsible for the failure of the relationship, but that partner is not the only one to blame. Two people had been paddling the boat of your relationship.

Be honest with yourself and consider the role you played in the breakup to help you learn from it. Instead of blaming each other and moving on quickly, have this conversation and get to know what exactly went wrong and what you could have done better.

Only when you are honest enough to apportion some of the blame to yourself would you be able to learn from your mistakes and make better choices in the future.

10. Don’t Over-idealize Your Ex

While some people might decide not to take any blame for a breakup, some might go on to take all the blame on the defense that their ex-partners were perfect. You can’t do that either.

When a romantic relationship breaks up abruptly, it’s easy to over-idealize your ex and see only the good sides of the relationship. It is a big mistake because, at this point, you only see the things you are supposedly missing out from.

All relationships are a mixture of many things, and sometimes, certain ingredients in that mix could make the relationship sour. While you dwell on how great some parts of the relationship were, don’t forget why you had to part ways and why that was the best decision to take at that particular time.

Taking all the blame after a breakup does not make you a better person. It makes you the sadder person because now, you think it was all your fault and you just ruined a great thing all by yourself. That’s not good for your self-esteem, honey.

11. Don’t Repress Your Grief

When you have a broken heart, you may be tempted to repress your pain and pain because they hurt too much, but you cannot recover from a break without going through this phase. It will hurt and you have to let it.

Your anguish always finds a way to get out. It could manifest in your work, your health, your social relationships, and your emotions. Repressing your grief is never the right thing to do. Don’t keep it all bottled up inside, or else, when it does explode (and it will), it won’t be pretty.

12. After A Breakup, Don’t Slander

Don’t succumb to the temptation to say bad things about your ex! At some point in your life, this person used to mean the world to you. It might not make so much sense at the moment, but still.

The truth is, backbiting says more about you than your ex. It makes you seem bitter and unforgiving. It will also make your other friends cautious around you because they might start to wonder what you would say about them when you are no longer chummy.

It is neither polite, attractive, nor productive. It sticks you in the mud when what you need is to get out of it. Even if you are in pain, try to be great by not talking about your ex. The exception to the rule? You can, of course, confide in your family and friends.

13. Don’t Stay At Home

It’s so easy to sink into self-pity and stare at your phone every 30 seconds in the hope that your ex is texting you, begging you to get back together. Still, many experts believe that keeping yourself busy is the best way to get by.

“Find between two and five things you could do each day to reconnect with the joy of life and to pass the time, advises Bonny Albo, a dating expert. Even if it sounds a little cliché, staying busy can help, and very quickly, you will find yourself doing so many things that you love and that you are passionate about that you will not have a second to think about your ex.

14. Don’t Lose Yourself

It is easy to get lost in a tirade of your own self blaming and thinking you’re all that is wrong with the world. Don’t do that.

Take time for yourself and cultivate your passions as you leave your relationship behind. Once you have passed the stage of loss, learn to define yourself outside of this relationship. Find out what it is you really care about, redefine your goals and meet them. Take a course that will empower you as a person. Now maybe the time to learn a new language, join a swimming club, or take a solo cooking class! Maybe you will make new friends or find your new love in your yoga, cooking, or kickboxing class! Just make sure you keep growing and growing.

15. Do Not Seek Revenge

It is likely that if you were rejected, you wanted the other to suffer as much as you do. You should not, however, try to take revenge on your old flame. No matter how you might think of it, revenge does not give you any real satisfaction. All it does is leave you feeling empty and scarred. After a breakup, do not seek revenge.

There is really a line that should not be crossed when a relationship ends. Take the loss with dignity and understand that some things are just not meant to be. Rather take the high road, and wish your ex well. Might hurt your throat, but let it go.

16. Don’t Use Alcohol or Other Substances

No matter how high or drunk you might get, you achieve nothing. Harsh, but I’m sorry, it had to be said. All it does is to temporarily numb the emotional pain of a breakup. By the time you sober up, the hurt will return like it never left. So after a breakup, do not use alcohol or any substance to numb the pain.

Asides risking the possibility of being addicted to such substances, substance use also comes with additional risks, such as potential criminal charges, increased dependence on these substances, sexually transmitted diseases, and victimization.

Now, do you really want to add all of that headache to a heartbreak? No, you don’t.

17. Don’t Stalk Your Ex On Social Media

You’ll get curious. That’s a given. But, don’t stalk your ex. Don’t check to see if their lives have become as sad – or more attractive – like yours. It might be wise to stop following your ex on all social media. This will give you the time and space that you need to heal.

“Because of the vortex of emotions and their intensity, it is essential to react to the breakup in a healthy and thoughtful manner,” notes Juliana Morris, Ph.D., family, and marriage therapist and professional counselor. “While it may provide temporary relief, it will not be permanent and new problems will often add to the emotional roller coaster you are experiencing.”

To save yourself from all the heartache that comes after a breakup, do not do any of these things. Learn to let go and love who you are when you are single. Appreciate being in the company of your awesome self. The right person will come, but while you wait, keep growing and glowing! You owe the universe all the beauty that you are.

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