12 Healthy Tips to Build a Friendship in Your Relationship

Most of the best love stories are based on friendships. Whether the friendship was the foundation of that relationship or it grew from within it.

Late American author Elbert Hubbard once said, “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” And one of the best places to have that kind of love is in a relationship.

It may not be the easiest thing to develop. When we get into relationships, we’re so excited to be with this other person we put up a perfect front, covering up a lot of things about ourselves we find to be imperfect. It takes time for your walls to come down but only when they do, can you truly become besties with your special someone.

Here’s a guide to help take your relationship to the next level and make it deeper.

12 Tips to Making Your Lover Your Best Friend

1. Take a Break from Physical Intimacy

You know the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” but in this case, it is the absence of sex.

Take some time away from the physical aspect of your relationship to focus on your emotional connection. This could be a month or a week or even just a few days. That all depends on you and your significant other.

No sex, no kissing, nothing that could be considered sexual and use that extra time to talk and connect. Talk about the highs and lows of your relationship, get more insight into your intentions, and tell your partner what you appreciate about them and your relationship.

Intimacy is great but it can be a distraction. Find out what your relationship is like without those distractions. And if it is is getting too hard to hack it, just imagine how great the sex would be after that time without it.

2. Share Your Passions

In an ideal world, you and your partner have a million and one passions that you share. However, in the real world, opposites attract each other most times and they often do not like the same things.

Not having hobbies or common interests doesn’t mean you can’t connect, even in those areas. If you love something, share it with the person you love. Every once in a while, invite him on that bookstore run or to that painting class, follow him to that football match or binge-watch his favourite anime with him. You both might surprise yourselves and enjoy it, even if it is just that one time.

If that doesn’t work, you can always start a new passion together. Create your own fun. Whatever you decide to do, just do not forget to include your partner.

3. Always say “Goodmorning” and “Goodnight”

There is a misconception that “good morning” and “good night” texts are a nuisance. It could be annoying when it’s targeted at someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. But if it is with your partner, they take on a better light. It shows that you care and that you’re thinking about them. It is also a great conversation starter (for “good morning”) and ender (for “goodnight”).

How much you send these texts to each other, everyday or every other day, is dependent on you and your partner. It is a simple yet great way to put a smile on your significant other’s face.

4. Share Your Wins and Your Losses

Don’t be afraid to share your wins and losses. I know this can be a little intimidating, especially when it is time to share your losses with your partner. More so when they are winning or, in turn, to share your wins with them when they are losing. Nonetheless the best thing about friends is unconditional support. So don’t be afraid to share.

Sharing wins and losses also helps to avoid building secret competition, which is extremely unhealthy. Your wins should be theirs and vice versa. And you can bear each other’s losses as a team.

5. Talk About the Hard Stuff

Sometimes, important conversations in relationships are brushed aside because they are complicated or seem too hard to discuss. Maybe you’re worried things between you and your partner will get heated or you’re worried that your partner’s feelings for you might change once you talk. Unfortunately, ignoring these matters do not make them go away.

He/she might be your happy place but for a relationship to last, they need to see all the sides of you. The good, the bad and the ugly.

If you’re going to have a difficult conversation, here are a few tips to keep things calm and civil:

• Choose the right time and place to talk: Pick a place that is calm and has no emotional triggers for either of you. Find a good time that the both of you can get everything out without being interrupted.
• Start the conversation positively: Leave all your anger and judgements behind and start the conversation with something positive. You can begin with a little joke to lighten the mood.
• Stay focused on the matter at hand: Don’t follow the trail of other conversations or past matters. Try to focus on the one at hand.
• Remember to listen: Listen and really hear what your partner has to say. Even if you disagree, try to understand. Remember, a conversation is a two-way street.
• Play fair: You may have already formed your own opinions but sometimes, saying them out loud or prematurely will only serve to make an already tense situation worse. This shouldn’t be an attack and no one should be on defense mode.
• Try to find common ground: Try to understand where your partner is coming from even when you don’t agree and voice out that understanding. Try this;

“I understand where you were coming from and I believe…”

Laying everything bare can be scary but it will do more good for your connection than bad.

6. Always Affirm Them

Everyone needs a little encouragement. People (especially men) may not always express that need it but they shouldn’t have to. If you care about someone, one of the greatest ways to show that is by affirming them. Never feel too shy to tell your partner how much you love and appreciate them.

Here are a few examples of positive words you can say to your partner more often:

• “Thank you for…”
• “I love you.”
• “You look amazing today.”
• “I really appreciate that you…”
• “I’m proud of you.”
• “You inspire me.”
• “You’re doing great at…”

Be intentional with these words but always be honest, show your appreciation for things you actually appreciate. Be open with your love and you will allow them to be open in return.

7. Keep their Secrets

If your partner has been open and vulnerable with you, don’t take his/her confidence for granted. They need to know that they can trust you no matter what and that is the closest you can get to someone.

Most importantly, friends share and keep each other’s secrets.

8. Be Your Partner’s Cheerleader

Be your partner’s support system. Support their dreams and goals, lift them up when they win and be there to catch them when they fall. Just remember that this is an essential part of every friendship and relationship.

Here are a few ways you can be a more supportive partner:

• Offer your help to them: You don’t always have to wait for them to ask, if you feel like they might need you, offer your support.
• Listen to them: Men are notorious for being bad listeners but women are often bad at it too. When your partner talks, listen, be responsive and ask questions. Show them that you care about what they have to say.
• Work with them not against them: Take on their goals like they are yours, work with them and help them to achieve what they want. Make it clear that you are a team.
• Check-in with them: Sometimes we can miss times when the people we love are struggling, that’s why it is so important to check in with them. Give them the chance to voice out if they are really doing okay.
• Ask about their day: This is such a simple action yet so easily overlooked. Ask them how their day went and actually listen to what they have to say. This can be a stress reliever for them after a long day at work.
• Practice little acts of kindness: Do little things for them or to help them out. Wash his car or buy him a “thinking of you gift”, offer to watch her favorite show with her or take her to the spa after a long work week.

It is the little things that matter most.

9. Go on Adventures Together

Go on adventures together; take trips, go camping or hiking, discover new places. Take each other out of your comfort zones. Being in such different circumstances of excitement, uncertainty and sometimes difficulty, bonds you to your partner and helps you understand them better. These situations also help you grow together as a couple.

Just imagine all the amazing memories you’ll make and share with your friends or future kids!

There are so many advantages to traveling as a couple in your relationship and your friendship. Here are a few:

• You get to work as a team: This is one of the most practical opportunities to test your teamwork as a couple. During the period of planning, booking, going on the trip and navigating a new environment, there will be some high intensity moments in between the fun, an opportunity for problem solving and compromise. This will not only test your compatibility but bring you closer.
• You see the worst and the best: You get to see your partner at their best and visa versa. Relaxed, carefree and in love. Then in tight situations you see the worst, how you both react to difficult situations and tense moments.
• Create new memories: You will get to make memories together, tell stories together and have your own little inside jokes.
• Builds stronger communication: This will be an opportunity for the both of you to learn how to communicate better with each other, built from spending a good amount of alone time together.
• Learn new things about each other: You get to see what they are like out of their comfort zones, get some insight into their daily routines, find out what they like to eat, their allergies and learn new quirks. Things that you might have otherwise missed.
• Build new perspectives together: All the time spent together will help you both to share perspectives and to see the logic in each other’s views. Also, new shared experiences will help to form new perspectives.
• Couple goals pictures: You get to take some cute couple goals pictures for your social media. Or just to look at from time to time to remember your trip.

10. Create A Judgment-Free Zone in Your Relationship

This is a no brainer, “Thou shalt not judge”. Sometimes we need to slow down the criticisms, everyone deserves a little grace, especially your partner. Tolerance and respect builds trust and creates room for an open friendship.

Here are a few tips for creating a judgment-free zone:

• Always listen to what your partner has to say: Hear your partner out. Listening is such a strong tool to build a good relationship and friendship.
• Encourage your partner: Always remember to encourage your partner, they need your support. Remember, you’re meant to be their cheerleader.
• Ask for their input and ideas: When you ask for advice and input from your partner, you show them that you respect their opinion. They’ll feel confident enough to come to you with their own issues as well.
• Always assume the best: Try not to jump to conclusions, you’re with your partner because you see the best in them. So always assume the best.
• Give them room to make mistakes: No one is perfect, we’re all just trying our best. So don’t be too hard on them when they make mistakes. Talk to them about it, tell them why it hurt you and if you can forgive them, forgive.
• Don’t bring up past mistakes and arguments: This can be hard but if you say you’re going to let it go, then do just that. Don’t throw their mistakes in their faces whenever you feel upset.

Creating a judgment-free zone allows a real true friendship to thrive.

11. Learn From Each Other

A couple that can learn from each other can grow together. Don’t be afraid to teach and learn from each other, you both have different life experiences, different ideologies, and different interests.

It is normal for friends to often start acting similarly after spending long periods. So don’t be afraid to take some good qualities from each other.

12. Make Time For Each Other

One of the greatest ways to show people you care is by prioritizing them. You prioritize them by making time for them.

Here are a few ways you can make time for your partner:

• Schedule a weekly date night: Pick a day every week to go on a date with your partner. It’s easy to ignore things like this, saying, “Oh we can go out anytime.” However, conflicting schedules, work and life, can get in the way and one day, you realize you haven’t seen your partner in a month. So be more intentional with your dates.
• Exercise together: This is also a way to make time for each other, by exercising together. If this is a regular part of your routine, you’ll be able to see your partner regularly, even when you get busy.
• Celebrate anniversaries: Don’t take anniversaries for granted, celebrate them. I always say, we don’t have enough things to celebrate in a year so create your own special days and celebrate.
• Add your partner to your routine: If you don’t exercise ,there could be something else in your routine that you could sync with your partner’s.
• Find a common interest: A common interest can be a great excuse to spend more time together. You could binge watch a show you both enjoy or start your own little book club, if reading is a love you both share.

Friendships don’t always happen by chance, sometimes you have to build them. Yes a friendship in a relationship must be built and nurtured, however, it is worth it to get that happy and healthy connection.

All images are sourced from pexels & shutterstock