11 Reasons Why I Cannot Do The #BussItChallenge
Disclaimer: This is a personal article. Any views or opinions represented in this article are personal to the contributor and do not represent those of the organization under which the article is published.
With every new dawn that rises, there is one new trend piggybacking on it. From the #DontRush challenge to the Savage challenge – and now, another one is here. They call it the #BussIt challenge. Apparently, you’re supposed to literally ‘burst it’ on the dancefloor, right? Well, the trend was inspired by Erica Bank’s 2020 single, ‘Buss It.’ It’s a groovy song and all you need to participate in the challenge is a regular outfit, a HAWT outfit, minimal video editing skills, and an ass that could…you know, buss it.
Well, for the longest time, I have managed to convince myself that I am no good at following trends, especially ones that involve dancing and looking pretty. So, I decided, why not put it into writing? Let these people finally understand what goes through your head. Let them know the oh-so-reasonable reasons why you can’t do the things your mates are doing – like a normal young adult.
So, here goes the eleven very solid reasons why I cannot join the #BussItchallenge.
1. I Don’t Have the Dress for It
So, the way the challenge works, you have to first be in a very regular homey outfit, with your hair down, zero makeup, and just generally looking like a hot mess. Well, I got that part down. I can look homeless for a living if that’s what you need me to do. I mean, it’s what I do…all day, every day. Now, here’s the kicker. When the beat drops, you have to give us a smokey transition into your HAWT outfit. That’s where the problem starts. I have no hot outfits! I look like a hobo, most of the time. I’m at a cross between owning zero flattering dresses and just being too shy to wear them. I mean, the transition has to be solid and I’m not about to start shopping for dresses! Where is the money?
2. My Makeup Skills are Below Par
I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve watched YouTube videos, practiced on my (poor) face and I even tried to sit through a class at some point. You know what I discovered? I might only ever be able to powder my face and apply my lipgloss. And I’ve accepted my fate. I’m not even going to stress it, not even to buss it. Plus, I think my powder’s run out. Let me check.
3. I Have the Knees of a 90-year-old Grandmother
Ugh. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been faithful to an exercise routine for longer than 48 hours, or maybe it’s just in my genetics. I’ll go with the genetics excuse because God forbid I blame myself for not being able to buss it. Well, if I dare bend that low, I might break a bone. I mean, if I try hard, I might be able to bend that low but then, I would have to stay very still and quiet, so my bones don’t notice and turn on me. But you see, the challenge requires that you move while on bended knees. I mean, why? Why make life so much harder than it already is?
4. I Lack Basic Twerking Skills
It’s such a disgrace seeing as I do have a considerable amount of tang. But I can’t seem to get my tang tanging! You see, having a nicely shaped backside and being able to move it are two very unrelated realities that I think should never cross paths. I mean, I’ve seen girls with lesser endowments in this challenge and they’ve been blowing my mind! Look at what they did with that potential! My goodness! Then, there’s me. In all honesty, the only thing I can do with my ass is sit on it and I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s a really good cushion.
5. I Have a Disturbing Side Profile
Imagine this – thunder arms, thunder thighs, lips that stretch for days, a crazy jawline, and a head bigger than normal. Now, imagine its side profile. I can assure you that whatever you might have just imagined is nothing close to my side profile. Your thoughts are, well, modest. Go bigger…and nastier. Of course, I’m a beautiful young woman (if I do say so myself), but then, I know my cosmetic limitations. I’m not about to show the world a side profile that I wish I could hide in real life, while I make a ridiculous mess of myself. Nuh-uh.
6. My Mummy Will Beat Me
See, I’m African. Through and through. There is no teeny amount of Westernization in me. And my mother follows my social media accounts. I mean, there is literally nowhere to hide. I once used a Snapchat filter to take some really beautiful pictures. Innocently, I used one of those pictures as my profile picture on WhatsApp. In less than three minutes, my mother called me and ordered that I change my profile picture immediately. It was the cute dog filter though. She asked me if I was tired of being human and wanted to be a dog instead. She even insisted that those filters were simply promoting my intention to be the next Queen Jezebel.
And you want me to buss it in front of the whole world? Are you trying to get me killed?
7. I am as Stiff as Moses’ Rod
This one is the main issue. If a robber points a gun at my head and asks me to either dance or die, I might have to say my last prayers then. I mean, I would try to at least move. But then it would hurt both the robber’s eyes and mine too. I’m one of those people who would burst several killer moves while sitting pretty in a chair, but when you ask me to stand and actually coordinate my legs, then the trouble starts. This is why I respect dancers so much – it’s how they make it seem so easy and doable when in essence, it is the sport of the gods. So, I’m sorry. Even Moses’ rod isn’t as stiff as I get when the music is turned on. But really, does every challenge have to involve dancing? You people should be considerate, please.
8. My Camera’s Quality Will Disgrace Me
Ei! This one is a lie but I’m looking for excuses, so I’m going to mention it anyway. I use a Samsung, so the quality isn’t even that bad but then, to get the best picture/video quality, you need to know your angles. And that is information I sadly do not possess. ~cue hot tears~ I’ve been seeing a lot of Tiktok and Instagram videos and these people mean business! They have the full tripod, ring light, and iPhone 50 Pro Max ensemble. I mean, they come determined. Who am I amid such grit and glamour? I repeat, who am I and my honestly tired Samsung?
9. My Pastor Might See It
I have a reputation to protect in church. It’s an African church and you see, such displays of sexiness might be labeled as the work of the devil. Plus, he can see my WhatsApp status (I know, I know. I don’t have the mind to block him. Yet.) I don’t think I’m in the right mental space to sit through a self-provoked sermon. I mean, I don’t want the man of God to see Sister Theola bussing it. The horror!
10. I Can’t Take Anything Seriously
There are very few things I take seriously in this life and jumping on trends is definitely not one of them. Believe me, I did try to do the challenge but each time I went back to check what I had so far, I was thrown into fits of laughter. I laughed so hard, my eyes went red. They were that bad. And the crazy part is that I never got past the homeless phase. Yes, yes, laugh with me. It was that bad.
11. Last-last, I’m Just Lazy
Excuses upon excuses. That’s all this article is about and I’m not even mad about it. If I really wanted to, none of these things would have stopped me. I would have found a way around it and still end up making a video I would be proud of…and probably move out of the house too before my mother catches me. But then, I’m just too lazy. Dancing in front of the camera seems like too much work already. I mean, it’s a pandemic. Where do you people find all this energy? Ship some to me, please.
I hope I’ve been able to convince and not confuse you that the #BussIt challenge is for a selected few and I (un)fortunately didn’t make the cut. ~cue hot fake tears~
My time to shine will come. Until then, I’ll wait patiently and grin jealousy at all your beautiful videos.
If you’re without a #BussIt video like me, tell me why you haven’t made yours in the comments section. We can even share my excuses too. I’m nice like that.
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