The Search for Mr Right (E1 – E12)

E10 - The Search for Mr. Right: Maybe Not

Can somebody tell me why I am watching my sister hyperventilate? Why am I standing in one spot, completely unable to move any muscle in my body? Since her outburst a few minutes ago, she has gone through all the levels of shock that ever existed. She has moved very quickly from the eye-popping-out-of-the-socket stage to the crying-like-she-just-lost-our-father-again stage. I simply couldn’t understand how things had gone south so quickly.

Slowly, I felt life return to my muscles, my tongue being the most important for the moment.

“What just happened, Stephanie?”

My question launched her into yet another tirade of tears. Why does she keep howling? And why did Adam just run like someone set fire to his heels?

“Stephanie, you are scaring me. What just happened?”

“I…”

“Talk to me, please. Because I don’t understand how you can get like this over someone you’ve never even met. Please tell me why Adam ran like he just saw a ghost. What is happening?”

“Lau..” She stammered amidst sobs.

The last time I saw Stephanie cry was the night Daddy was buried. She didn’t cry when we received the news of his death. She was dry-eyed and kept running her errands like absolutely nothing had happened. By the night of his burial which came two weeks later, I had exhausted all the tears in my glands. Didn’t think those glands would be fully functional until maybe another five years. I heard her sobbing like she is doing right now in Daddy’s study. She had her head on his vintage desk and her body moved with every tear that dropped. It really was a sight. Never thought I would ever see her cry that way again. Ever. Not until now.

“Stephanie, whatever it is, tell me. Please.“ I pleaded as tears started to form in my eyes as well.

“He…he..it was..he’s… the one…”

“What are you saying, Stephanie? Talk to me!” I screamed at her as I felt myself lose the little control I had left.

“He raped me.”

***

Hi there, it’s me again. The unrepentant spinster. The past few days have been some of the worst ones in my life. How I feel now and how I felt when my father died are almost identical, except for the fact that the hurt in my chest now feels tighter and more lethal. I’ve never shuffled so fast between outrage, hurt, disappointment and resignation. I didn’t know what to feel and how to even feel it. I still don’t know. These past few days, I found out that my own sister, my only sister, was raped. How she could have kept such information from us hurts more than I even care to admit. I felt powerless, weak, mocked. I felt like a failure. I failed my little sister and my father. I failed my whole family.

I tried to make her talk about it but she refused. All she told me was that she met him at a party her friends took her to. They were introduced and spent the night talking to each other because they both shared the same distaste for public sweat and loud music. How things went south from there is a detail she has refused to reveal. It didn’t matter though. All that mattered is that the man I was starting to fall in love with is a rapist.

Since he ran out of my house like a dog released from its leash, I have not laid eyes on Adam. Not at work, not on social media, not even his friends had heard from him. It’s like he totally disappeared. I thought of confiding in my supervisor and have him advise me on the next step to take. I thought of doing that because I didn’t have anybody to talk to. Stephanie made me swear to not tell our mother. I couldn’t break that promise because that would make her trust me less. At this stage, I needed her to trust me more. Confiding in our half brother meant confiding in my mother too. It was all just a big sloppy mess. Wherever I turned, it felt like I would be betraying my sister’s trust. As much as I wanted to defend her honor and make sure that despicable man was put behind bars, I didn’t want to begin a battle she couldn’t fight in.

All through the week, I lived life in a haze; in an unclear, suffocating fog. How could I have loved such a monster? Sometimes, I tortured myself with thoughts of what could have happened during those late nights we spent together. If he had wanted to rape me or even kill me, he would have had enough time and opportunity to do that. It really was a scary thought and I tortured myself with it every single moment as punishment for falling in love with my sister’s rapist.

***

As I walked towards my supervisor’s office, I suddenly felt a need to use the restroom. I resisted that urge since I had only visited the bathroom ten minutes ago. Whenever my nerves get the best of me, I lose control of my bowels too. Walking to his office to bring up a totally personal matter felt really strange and for some reason, I kept putting one foot in front of the other. What would I say to him? Do I use the names of the real people involved? Will he be interested in my story? Will he be condescending and blow me off? Am I mad to even be considering this at all? A million thoughts and questions swam gloriously in my head but none of them was powerful enough to stop me in my tracks.

Not until I knocked. Three times. And he didn’t answer.

Fourth knock.

I don’t know which is worse. The fact that I could see him through his transparent glass obviously ignoring the knock on his door or the fact that I was about to seek counsel from an unfeeling monster I have beef with. Bad times, I tell you.

By some pull of nature, I found myself knocking for the fifth time.

“Who?” He bellowed towards the door.

Why am I still here?

“It’s Lauretta, sir.”

“Lauretta?” As he asked, he got up on his feet, quickly adjusted his suit, and sat down. Did this man not know I could see every single thing he was doing?

“Yes sir.”

“Well, come in.”

As soon as I walked in, I wanted to walk back out. The air in the office felt…suffocating.

“Do you need something, Lauretta?”

“Uhh…”

“Please have your seat.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You’re welcome. So? Do you have something for me?”

On that spot, I started to go through a million other things I could ask him instead of telling him why I was really in his office.

“Uhh… I was wondering when the training would start. I have a family emergency and I was really hoping I could take some time off my work leave for the year.”

How I came up with that in seconds baffles me. But I guess God really does work in wondrous ways because a time off is definitely what I need.

“Okay. The training isn’t until the next four months. If you really need to take time off your leave, then we can work something out. Would 2 weeks be fine?”

“Perfect, sir.”

“I see we are back to the ‘sir’ thing. Oh well.”

“We never left it, sir.”

“Touche.” He smiled. “I will send you an email. There are a few documents you would have to submit. But once that’s done, you can go off anytime you like.”

“Thank you so much, sir.”

As I made to leave, I decided to ask him one more question.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I need to ask you something.”

“Go on. Ask anything.”

“Uhh…Do you know Adam personally? He works here.”

“Adam? Software engineer?”

“That one.”

“Yes, I do. He’s a family friend.” When he saw me hesitate, he decided to continue. “Is there a problem?”

Should I tell him?

“He…”

On second thoughts, no.

“He hasn’t been to work in a couple of days. Plus, his phone has been turned off for a long while. I was just getting worried.”

“Really?” His brows furrowed. “That’s strange. I’ll call his sister then. Is there a reason why you want to see him?”

“Yes sir. We have some pending business and I haven’t gotten feedback. I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Okay. That’s fine.” It didn’t matter that he looked like he did not believe me. “I’ll tell his sister and she will definitely relay your message.”

“Thank you so much, sir.”

“You’re welcome, Lauretta.”

***

Just when I thought the day would never end, it eventually did. As I drove back home, a million resolutions swam through my head. The bottom line of these thoughts was that we would have to press charges. There is no way Adam was getting away with that crime. I was just about to step into my house when my phone rang. Somehow, he always knew the perfect time to call.

“Hello?”

The sound of his voice made tears well up in my eyes. Just two weeks ago, I couldn’t go a day without hearing this voice. I daydreamed about having this voice whisper sweet little nothings to me. I listened to this same voice far into the night when the outside noises were nonexistent and I just had to revel in its deep timbre.

“Lauretta. I…”

But all those fantasies are gone now. This is the voice of no one else but my sister’s rapist and I didn’t want to hear it anymore.

“You finally called.”

“Yeah. A little too late though.”

“You think?”

“Uhh… I know you already know why I ran that day. I had no idea you were Stephanie’s sister. I would never disrespect you like that.”

“Get to the point, Adam.”

“Okay. Uhm…I really want to apologise. I know this is late and I… I…really didn’t…” He groaned in frustration. “This is just messy. This is not a conversation I ever saw us having.”

“First, there is no ‘us.’ Never make that mistake. Secondly, go straight to the point. I have things to do.”

He sighed.

“I called to apologise. I’m sorry. It was never my intention. We got drunk and then things went south really quickly from there. I had no idea she was still a virgin…I thought…”

“It doesn’t matter what you thought, what you were thinking, or what you are even saying right now. At this point, apologies mean nothing, and my family and I have no need for them.”

“Lauretta. I know you’re angry. I’m so disgusted with myself right now. You can’t even hate me as much as I already do. All that I ask is that you give forgiveness a chance. It was never my intention. I… I don’t know what else to say. Can we schedule a meeting? With Stephanie?”

“A meeting? Adam, the only place you’ll be seeing my sister is in court. You better get ready.”

All pictures are from Pexels and no attribution is required.