Sitting With a Lion: Life Stories
“Hello, my name is Daisy Adamu, an honor student from the department of Linguistics. I have a question to ask you this morning. What’s the point in living anyway? There’s nothing as bullshit as life itself. You meet someone today, all young and vibrant and you hear tomorrow that he/she is gone. You have a baby, and he/she dies a baby. You die and your children outlive you. All your children die and leave you in this cold damp world.
The leading motif here is, you can’t cheat death. You might try really hard to lengthen your stay but it’s all for nothing. One day death will come for you and me, and he won’t come with his face rosy and his lips pulled back in a smile. Death is inevitable and life is a bloody waste of time. Good morning.” I finished, put my microphone down and stretched deeply. A few bones popped in my back.
I walked over to the mirror hanging over the dressing table and stared at my reflection, seeing nothing remarkable to speak of, I turned back to spread my bed.
“Daisy!!!” My mother called out loudly. I watched as she parted the curtains with her waist and faced me with her hand in a small bowl of water. I stared at her reproachfully but she only smiled and shrugged “ Ah, you are awake, lucky you” then she turned and left.
That was my cue to follow her to the kitchen where I would meet a sink full of dirty dishes from the day before waiting for me. I loved my family, that’s for sure but I hated their clutter so damn much. In my opinion, it wouldn’t kill you if you decided to wash your plates immediately after eating.
When I had broached the subject in a gathering of my three brothers and one sister, they all stared at me as though I had grown fifty heads. I was little Daisy, who was I to change the regimen that we had been living with for so many years now?
“Mom, why did you name me Daisy?” I asked my mother. We were sitting together and sewing up the torn clothes of everyone in the house. This was the job my mom gave herself every Saturday, but today I had decided to join her and ease her stress.
“Because you were beautiful,” she said, smiling dreamily at me.
“I was just born Mom! And we both know newborns are ugly” I replied. My mother suddenly looked up from her sewing. I could almost see the reprimand standing at the tip of her tongue but she lowered her head and said.
“I knew you would be beautiful Daisy, let’s not talk about it again”
Somehow she made me ashamed for asking a perfectly intelligent question. I was just wondering why she would come to such conclusions at my birth. I couldn’t imagine the rationale behind looking at a perfectly ugly looking baby and saying “She would be beautiful.”
The next day I got dressed hurriedly for my 8am class, the lecturer who took that class was find of locking students that came late out of the hall. I put on a short red dress and some flat shoes and made my way through the house, greeting everyone as I went along.
“Oliha market!” The conductor hanging out of the bus called. When he saw me he called out again before asking “No be Oliha Market you dey go?” He asked.
“No, I dey go ring road,” I said. The driver of the bus turned around and ogled me.
“Make she enter” he said. And the conductor opened the door to the front seat for me.
“How far na?” He asked when we reached our destination. His teeth were brown in contrast to his very black pair of lips and red eyes. I cringed, handed him his money and hopped quickly out of the bus.
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I brought out my phone as I walked through school. Other students were milling around, some were in a hurry like me and were taking giant strides towards their classes. Others were walking very slowly even though they also had an 8am class. A peak of laughter drew my attention and I watched a young man out his hand around a laughing girl. “Cute” I said in my mind before placing my finger on the microphone.
“The way we name our children also shows how much we wish for things in this life. Names like Daisy, shows that the mother wishes for her child to be beautiful. Imagine that child as a fire accident survivor with multiple burns all over her body, looking like a monster and her name is still “Daisy”. Don’t you think it will hurt her every day that she is not beautiful anymore?
“Flourish “ is another unnecessarily hopeful name. The mother obviously wants her child to be tall and at least have some kind of weight. Imagine this child growing up into a short and thin specimen and being the butt of so many jokes. Like a tender sapling who was watered with a nice name but refused to “flourish” as was commanded.” I removed my hand from the microphone of the sound recorder and went into the class.
“Let’s go shopping” my best friend whispered in my ear. I looked up and pretended that I was thinking about if.
“No” I replied
“What?!” She asked surprised.
“Because it is pointless, you have enough clothes and so do I.”
“It’s not about the clothes and you know it. I just want us to have some fun.” She took my hand and squeezed.
“Pointless” I said again.
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In my dream, I was walking through a forest as though I was going somewhere, the trees surrounding me were so tall I feared they touched the sky. I walked in and came to a clearing. Here, the trees were closer together and carpet grass lined the floor. I walked towards one of the trees, wanting to feel the intricate carvings that covered the from top to bottom. “Sit down.” A voice said and I woke up gasping.
“What was that?” I asked myself as I sat up in bed, hugging my pillow. The forest had seemed homely and beautiful. I had even felt comfortable enough to want to touch something before the voice spoke. That terrifying voice that seemed to take something from inside of me as long as it sounded in my ear. I was genuinely terrified, I couldn’t figure out this one and I hated when I couldn’t figure things out and analyze them.
My mom walked into the room and sat beside me on my bed. “Nightmare?” She asked as she saw the way I was holding my pillow to me.
“Oh my dear sensitive girl!” She kissed my forehead “you knew somehow!”
“Knew what?” I asked confused.
“Grandma died last night” my mom said. Dropping the heavy news like it was nothing. I sank lower into my bed, I loved my grandmother a lot. I waited till my mom had left to her room before I let the tears fall freely.
***
“My grandma died” I told Funke my best friend.
“Omg! I’m so sorry!” She said and she hugged me from behind.
“Thanks” I sniffled.
“Wow, I saw your eyes were a little red and I was sure something entered your eyes you know” she said
“What?” I asked confused.
“I never knew anything could make you cry Miss Iron Pants” I swatted at her and she dodged “ You must have loved your grandma very much,” she said. Her arms came around me again.
“Tear out a sheet of paper!” Our lecturers voice rang loudly from the front of the class. I and Funke stared into each other’s frightened eyes, we had forgotten to read for the test.
“How was the test?” Someone said behind me. I turned to see Daniel standing in front of me and facing Funke. I quickly turned away, the guy had not said a word to me since the day he tried to play with me when I was in a bad mood and I screamed at him. These days he just ignored me point blank, when he saw me and Funke together, he always behaved as though I didn’t exist.
I was prepared to take fight this silent battle till the end and come out victorious.
“When are you going to apologize to him?” Funke asked, falling into step beside me.
“Apologize to who?” I asked. She stared at me as though I was a fool.
“Daniel ofcourse!” She said.
“And why do I need to apologize to Daniel?” I asked.
“Because you can be a fool sometimes” she said with venom. I stopped in my tracks.
“What?!”
“I’m not taking it back. You really are a fool. And Daniel is a nice guy who likes you minus your horrible character” Funke said, staring bravely up at me.
I looked at her stance and I wondered at myself, there was something in her eyes I didn’t like. She was looking at me as though I was a bully. Was I a bully?
“I’ll apologize to him the next time I see him”’I said
“Good!” She said relieved. Then she took my arm. Inside, I felt better too. Seeing Daniel ignore me this past year hadn’t been as much fun as I had made myself believe. I followed Funke to the cafeteria where we had a meal of rice and Moimoi.
***
“We are traveling to the village to prepare for your grandmother’s burial” my parents told me when I got home. My mom was sitting inside my dad’s arms and her eyes were puffy and red.
“I want to go with you guys” I said.
“What about school?” My dad asked me.
“There is nothing eventful happening in school dad, exams are months away” I lied.
“Alright, you can go with us. But we’ll be ready to let go of you the minute something comes up in school. We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning so so pack your bags” he said. I almost skipped to my room.
“Daisy, don’t forget to take your nightie and your socks” my mom called out from the kitchen. I stared at them hanging in the wardrobe, I had packed two bags full of clothes and yet I didn’t remember to pack the essentials. I shook my head at myself. For a 21 year old I behaved like an idiot quite often and sadly, my mom knew too much about my inadequacies. I took out a shiny silver gown from the second bag and placed the nightie and socks where it had been.
“I’m all packed” I said as I neared the kitchen. My mom was cooking up something delicious again. Sometimes, my Dad wondered aloud what would become of me. I had never shown any interest in learning how to cook like my mother, I was lazy as a bone, I couldn’t sing or dance, and I wasn’t particularly intelligent.
“I would have said you will grow up and just get married” he said one day “ but you are not even wife material!”
The painful thing was how true all his accusations were. I had little interest in doing my of these things because I inwardly believed there was no point in trying anyway. My mother once fearfully said that people who behaved like I did usually died young then she quickly added “God forbid! Not my daughter”
I didn’t know if I was one of those born to die young and I didn’t particularly care. When I told Funke she laughed out loud and said. “Good people die young, my dear, you have nothing to worry about!” And she kept on laughing. I was hurt, but I didn’t tell her.
The pot of yam pottage was boiling on the fire. My mother stood at the sink washing plates. I joined her.
“Let me help you, Ma.” I told my mother. Like a typical African woman she immediately washed her hands and left me with the work. As she turned away, I saw green marks on her face.
“Mom!” I shouted.
“What is it?!” She asked.
“Your face!” I said holding her face in my hands. Black vines were stretching from one side of the face to another.
“What is on my face?!” She asked, throwing my hand away and walking towards the mirror. “There is nothing on my face,” she said after sometime.
“Are you okay? Are you sure you will follow us to the village?” She asked.
“Ahh. I’m fine Mommy, I just thought I saw something on your face” I stammered. She looked at me skeptically and returned back to her cooking.
***
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A wild animal burst through the undergrowth and ran through the trees. The forest was a blur and the ground trembled under its paws. It burst through the forest into the circle of decorated trees and halted in the middle “Sit down” that voice said again and I woke up gasping.
“Are you okay?” My Dad asked from the driver’s seat.
“Yes” I croaked. My dad handed me a can of malt and I quickly opened it and gulped it down.
We arrived at my grandfather’s house. The iron gate was rusted and short. Grasses grew at both sides of the house, leaving only the middle free. My dad came down, brought out a cutlass and began to clear a path for us to pass. We walked through the small gate and entered the house. In the distance, a young man was walking towards us.
“Bobo is here,” my mother said smiling. Bobo was her elder sisters last son.
“Mummy!” The young man said enthusiastically as he hugged my mother. My mother hugged him tightly and began to pat him in his face.
“How are you my boy” she asked.
“I’m fine, Ma. Welcome Sir” he greeted my father who waved at him. We all made our way towards the house.
“Sit down” the voice said again. My body fell bonelessly to the ground as I looked up towards the direction of the voice. The trees were swaying, and the air was chilly and charged with some kind of electricity. I couldn’t speak, as I watched the leaves fall all around me. Then the voice began to hum and a hum sound from my throat. Soon I was humming along mindlessly. “Sit down” the voice said again.
***
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When I woke up, my mother was standing over me. Her eyes were puffy and red.
“My baby, you are awake. How do you feel?” She asked me. I opened my mouth but I could not speak, I must have left my throat in the forest. The thought made me smile.
“How is she?” A man asked walking into the room. He was dressed in a red wrapper and had cowries hanging from his arms. His head was bald and painted with white chalk. I looked at my mother for and explanation, what the hell was I doing in a native doctors house?
“You almost died yesterday night, we had to bring you here” my mom said, choking on her tears.
“How are you? How are you feeling? He asked me. I stared at him. “Speak!” He commanded. My chest flooded with anger and I stared him down. Who was this puny thing to command me to speak?
He gasped and went on his knees. My mother burst into fresh sobs.
“I am sorry Most powerful Anyoh, goddess of the lands and the forest. Ruler over all the other gods. She who calls forth thunder and weaves lightening in her hands. She who flows as the sea and sways as the evening wind. You whose totem is the powerful figure of a lion. Forgive your humble child” he said breathlessly, with his head bowed low. Still in that position, he dragged my mother out of the small room. Never turning his back on me.
“What did he say will happen to me?” I asked my mother. She already looked so weak and frail I was very eager to end her suffering.
“He says you are for the goddess now, that we are to leave you and go about our lives” she suddenly burst into tears. “I never had any child for any goddess. My beautiful Daisy, my little girl oh oh”
My father walked into the room. He stared at me from his perch at the door. If there was anyone who would understand and be able to explain my situation it was my dad.
“Daddy” I said stretching out my hand to him. He shrank back from me, I followed his gaze and I could see green vines growing on my arm. All of my skin was turning a bright shade of green. It was then that I understood that all those dreams had been real. That my desire to come to the village hadn’t been mine after all but the desire of this Land goddess. Somehow, she had chosen me to be hers from that great distance.
It also dawned on me that I hadn’t apologized to Daniel and I was never going to see him again. Who would go shopping with Funke now? And who would my dad make jokes about? For me, this was dying. I remembered the conversation I had with my mother when she said people who had no interest in life always died young. I also remembered Funke’s laughter when I told her about it and I smiled, perhaps I was a good person after all.
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