Jesus! Jesus!

This cannot be happening to me right now, Bisi muttered to herself in fright. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably, and her feet could no longer carry her.

As she reached for the wall to steady herself, she slid to the floor in tears. Her heart hammered against her chest as the world spun before her eyes. She was a failure. A big disappointment to herself and everyone around her.

“Jesus, Jesus!!” Bisi muttered thinking out loud. “Eh…God, Mama will kill me!”

What would her mother think of her? How would she show her face before her father, siblings, and the world? Her activities would become an open secret, and everyone would see her for what she really was.

Bisi thought of her mother, the poor woman was convinced that her daughter was somewhere in Lagos doing well for herself. If she found out about this, it will be her future ruined completely for all to see. Her mom was the leader of the women’s baptist fellowship in Ondo state, a devoted Christian, and a role model to other women and their daughters.

Image Source: unsplash

Mama Bisi took pride in the thought that she had raised her daughter in a Godly manner. If she learned about this, it’ll surely send her to an early grave.

How would she ever be able to look at her father in the eye? How could she make him ever understand the disappointment that she had become?

How?

It was all David’s fault. If he hadn’t insisted on that day, none of this would have happened. She didn’t deserve this, especially now that she was just starting out her career.

Still sitting on the floor, waiting for the anxiety to pass, and maybe stay prepared for another bout. She closed her eyes and muttered a short prayer to heaven.

“God please spare me this one last time, I promise not to be stupid again.” She begged from the sincerest part of her heart.

“God, I don’t want my life to end just yet.” She muttered, tears clouding her eyes.

Who was she kidding? Even God would not save her from her foolishness. She’d done this alone without paying thoughts to the consequences of her action.

Now she wanted to bring God into all this mess? Even God has no time for such silly prayers.

Just one mistake, one careless moment of pure ecstasy, one moment of overhyped bodily fulfillment that had lasted for a short while. Just that little deed might cost her 9 precious months of her life, career, future, and even more.

P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T.

She tried to mutter the word to herself. It did not feel or sound right. Surely not the kind of word that’ll be associated with her.

She needed to call David, her boyfriend, the father of the possible foetus growing within her, instead, she reached for her phone and found her hands involuntary on speed dial, calling the one person who would not judge her for her actions.

Her best friend Sade.

Ding-Ding. The phone buzzed slowly, it felt like eternity, there was no response.

“Why is this girl not picking up, where’s a ‘friend-in-deeds’ when you desperately need one,” Bisi muttered to herself trying to wipe off her tears.

“Hello, Hello, wetin happen?! Why you dey disturb my phone this kind early morning?”

Sade answered her phone as if on cue. Her sadistic tone was biting and brutal as ever.

If someone had overheard their phone conversation, you’d be left to conclude that they were two brutal enemies dragging over something, but that was not the case. Sade was Bisi’s closest friend and confidant. She would have also retorted savagely with something like ‘you dey mad? Mumu girl’ or ‘stupid girl why you dey shout?’ but the matter was too delicate to entertain their stupid jokes and savage taunts. There would be another day to play around, but today, She needed help, and she needed it fast. The only person who would readily be available to render help was Sade. And Bisi knew that she could trust her to handle the matter properly.

“I think I’m pregnant” Bisi replied, not able to hold her tears anymore.

“What?!” Sade answered in surprise. Her tone, suddenly turning soft and patronizing. As if, she had switched phones with somebody else. Someone with a delicate and caring voice. Typical Sade, tough on the outside, soft and mushy on the inside. Always there to offer comfort when the time was needed.

“Are you alone?” She inquired softly.

“Yes. Bisi choked on her answer.” David had since left for the office. Bisi replied breaking into drastic tears, her sniffs clouding her voice.

“You know what, don’t move an inch, I’m coming over.”

“Please hurry,” Bisi spoke into the speaker, but Sade had already hung up.

Sade, the action lady. Bisi could already imagine her hurrying to the cold shower and dressing in a haste.

She sighed heavily. Her life was officially coming to an end. She would soon be like those girls whose life would become an example to other girls in her mother’s church.

She could already imagine the whispers amongst the women group, her mother’s head bowed in sorrow, her father back benched from top deacon, ostracized to floor members.

An abomination!

How would she face her community? How would she face the world?

She was broke and Pregnant at 21 with no husband, no fiancee, no job, no house, no nothing.

“Eh God, my life is finished!”

Image Source: Unsplash

Bisi slowly got up and walked out of the bathroom where she had puked a few moments ago. She’d woken up like every other day, tired, frustrated, burdened with nothing to look forward to.

David, her apartment mate, and now boyfriend had left her In a terrible mood. They’d had one of their stupid fights. As usual, he’d rained abuses on her and spoken ill about the fact that she was still in-between jobs 2 years after graduation. She could not afford her bills in the urban part of Lagos anymore. She had no active income, and nobody was willing to recruit her, at least not yet. After sourcing for a job in all of the lucrative industries in the country, nothing was working for her, it was clearly becoming apparent that David no longer fancied having her around his apartment, hence the reason for their stupid fights and sometimes, recklessly unprotected make-up sex. The result? Her present predicament.

She didn’t have a future, at least she didn’t know where her unemployment status was taking her. David was obviously not going to consider marrying her for the child. He still wanted to flex life to the fullest. He’d never budge to the idea of getting family responsibilities and a child.

The last time she’d brought up their relationship, and what future he had planned out for them, he’d scoffed and said he was just living one day at a time, and not worrying over such burdensome matters.

Now, here she was, probably carrying the child of a man that detested the idea of having children and a family to his name.

The doorbell rang out loud, interrupting her thoughts.

Bisi looked at her time, it was just 9:15 am. How Sade managed to drive through the impeding traffic in Lagos from the highland to the mainland in 20 minutes was beyond her. Sade could fly the seven seas when she wanted to, and still make it on-call time. She could be a lifesaver when she wanted to be.

The doorbell interrupted her thoughts, and Bisi scrambled to open the front door.

There standing before her, wide-eyed and confident was her best friend.

“Baby girl, are you fine?” Sade asked in the sweetest and overtly caring voice that she reserved for a few.

Bisi upon hearing this was moved to tears and burst out crying again.

“Fine? I’m everything but fine Sade!”

“Calm down,” Sade replied.

“What do you mean by calm down?” Bisi retorted, pacing the room back and forth. “My life is over.”

“I can’t have a child at 21! ….21? “She repeated as if just realizing her age. “My mother will kill me!”

“Calm down Bisi there’s always a way around everything.”

“A way? What way? I just graduated from the university Sade, I’m still building my passion on the side as an entrepreneur. I’ve got loads of bills to pay. I’m not ready to have a baby, not now, not three years from now!”

“I know, I know.”

“No, you don’t! Do you know how I have to pay through my nose for this house every year? I’m barely surviving. Do you know what it costs to live alone in Lagos Nigeria, let alone survive as a single mother? I’m finished. Finished! My life is over!”

“And my parents? They’d never forgive me for bringing shame to them. They’d disown me before I’m three months gone. I’d have no mother, father, or sibling. They’d have been traded in exchange for a little burdensome thing that’ll cry and wiggle all over me all day and night. ”

“I hate myself so much right now….” Sade continued to rant out in frustration as she paced from one corner of the room to the other in deep thoughts of regret.

“Where’s David? Why isn’t he here? Last I checked, babies are not made by a single person. Why is your partner in crime not involved In this mess right now? You should not have to go through this alone.” Sade reasoned with Bisi.

“I haven’t told him yet.”

Image Source: pexels

“Why, Bisi?” Sade asked open-mouthed.

“The moment I found out about it this morning, you were the first person I thought to call…and….and…” bisi stuttered.

“And what?” Sade asked in irritation. “And what Bisi?”

“I know him, Sade, he’s not one to take responsibility. He’d take flight the moment he hears there’s a situation this serious at hand.”

“So much for a boyfriend partner…” Sade murmured, rolling her eyes.

“I heard that Sade.” Bisi retorted.

“You see, that’s the problem I’ve got with you, Bisi. You need to grow up. You should have taken my advice long ago to ditch that bag of nuisance. He’s got no money, no future, no brains. Why are you with him in the first place?”

“I…I…”

“Now, see what you’ve gotten yourself into with someone who is not even man enough to take responsibility. How are you going to tell your child that his or her father is a disappointment to the entire male species on earth?”

“That’s not the point Sade…” Bisi thundered in frustration.”That’s hardly the point!”

“No? The point is you can’t even vouch for a man that you’ve lived with, a full year. Your-so-called boyfriend! How did this happen? What happened to having protected sex at all times?” Sade safely inquired hoping to calm her down.

“Some weeks ago, we had a serious fight and stopped talking for a few days after that. The next day, he brings flowers, and tells me how he’s sorry and promised never to make me hate him again. I was moved, and I…I genuinely wanted us to get back together. That night we had been too drunk and overwhelmed with each other, that we had unprotected sex.”

“So, you had let a few stupid love quotes from David ruin your life in this manner?” Shade retorted in anger. “How could you have let your guard down and become so stupid all of a sudden?”

“Please Sade! I’ve berated myself long enough. Don’t you think I feel bad as it is, and already regret my actions. I don’t need anymore chastising from you. Please, I’ve got enough guilt and regret to last a while. I can’t deal with more right now.”

“I’m sorry. I should be helping, not making you feel worse. But you do agree that I had to put it out there that you’d made a lot of wrong decisions in life for someone so young. But hey…your past does not have to define your future. It only has power over you if you let it.”

“What’s this about Sade??'” Bisi inquired. “Don’t start a motivational speech on me. These quotes are not going to pay the bills or solve this predicament.”

“I know… Well, you shouldn’t have to worry about your mom anymore.”

“What do you mean? Do you think I should leave the country? But I don’t even have funds to do such a thing.’ Bisi asked in irritation.

Sade burst out into laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

“You know for someone who graduated with a first-class from one of the best universities in Nigeria, you really are street dumb, my dear.”

“I don’t see what you’re talking about. What do you mean by I don’t have to worry about my mom anymore?”

“Does anyone else know about this?”

“No, why?”

“Alright. You’re seriously not the only girl that gets pregnant when they’re not ready. In Fact, millions of young girls go through this dilemma of unwanted pregnancy at an even younger age than yours. So, you’re lucky.

“How?”

“Listen Bisi, who says you need to have the baby? I’ve been in this position myself. Did you know? Nobody had to know about it. Nobody needs to know about yours too. I’ve got you, baby girl”

“You’ve been pregnant before?” Bisi asked with shock.

“I’d set up an appointment with a local doctor somewhere in Lagos that’s off the maps of the country. Everything will be taken care of. When you wake up, all this will be behind you, a forgotten nightmare.”

“But…I…I…”

“Don’t worry, I’d cover the bills. You don’t have to bother about that.”

“No Sade, I can’t possibly do such a thing. It’ll be a sacrilege against God.”

“A sacrilege? God? Bisi scoffed out loud. Why didn’t you think about God when you were having premarital sex with your lousy boyfriend.”

“I..I…”

“Time’s not upon us, you need to make a decision quickly, the earlier, the safer, the better.”

Bisi and David were in a relationship with benefits. What they had could hardly rank as a relationship. If they stayed together, she could get a free roof over her head while she tried to shuffle side gigs until she landed a major job offer.

Image Source: unsplash

Bisi pondered on how much her life was changing in the negative direction so fast. How could she make such a decision without informing David, Lousy or not, he still deserved to learn about this.

And an abortion? That would be going against God and humanity. That was her personal belief even if Sade did not think about it like that. She couldn’t keep the baby, neither did she want to abort something so young and innocent.

What other options were there?

She was indeed between a rock and a hard place.

“How did you find out you were pregnant?” Sade inquired, interrupting her thoughts. “When did you take the test?”

“Test? I haven’t taken it yet oo!” Bisi replied absentmindedly, still lost in thoughts.

“What? How do you know you’re really pregnant without using the test kit?”

“I just feel it, Sade…I mean I’m late, and I’m never late. My period is probably the only thing that’s always on time in my life asides my debts bills. Plus, I vomited this morning, I’ve been feeling down and moody. Aren’t those clearly early signs of pregnancy?”

“Bisi…how can you be so clumsy? You should take a test. Nothing is ever sure until it’s been proven.”

“But I can feel it. I can feel something forming within me, something changing. Does that not count as well?”

“Just take the test, Bisi.”

“But I don’t even have a test kit”.

“Oh, I got some on the way to your house,” Sade replied rummaging through her bag. “Here it is.”

“If it shows a line, it means we’re safe. If it shows two lines, we need to start thinking of the worst possibilities to come.”

Bisi nervously picked up the pack and headed towards the bathroom.

This little test kit was to decide her future.

What would it be?

All other images are gotten from pixabay.com, free for commercial use and no attribution required