I Hate Christmas (E1-E2)

E2: I Hate Christmas

“How dare you?” I yelled at the girl in the car, “You have the audacity to ask me for transport money… are you crazy? Listen, if you don’t want me to take out all my frustration on you right now, you better give me that bag and get out of here.” Without waiting for a response I reached into the car and snatched the cardboard party bag from her lap.

The girl’s facial expression turned from shock to anger in a second as she eyed me from top to bottom, “Please, let’s just be going,” she told her driver.

“And tell that useless Madam of yours that this is the last time I’ll be using her services!” I shouted after the car as it sped away.

“Woah, who was that?” A deep voice sounding amused came from behind me, I knew who it was before I turned around.

“Hi Derin,” I said quietly. How did he know I was here? I looked around and I realized I was standing in front of his parent’s house.

“Hi, stranger, so who dared to cross you this fine Christmas morning?”

“No one… just my silly tailor’s girl. She brought my outfit for yesterday, today and then asked me to pay her transport fare.”

“Ahh,” he nodded his head in understanding, “No wonder you looked like you were about to throw a rock through their windscreen.”

That was funny, I wanted to laugh but I refused to. I covered my smile by tucking my lips in my mouth.

“I’m sure if you try you can still hit them.”

Still no laugh.

He looked down at me curiously and bent his head to the side, “What’s the problem? I know Jet is a good icebreaker but I thought we were doing pretty well yesterday without his input. Did I do something wrong? Sometimes I really can’t tell, which is probably why I’m divorced now so…”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” I said, suddenly feeling guilty, “It’s just… you’re his brother.”

“Shayo?”

“Yeah.”

“So?”

“What do you mean, ‘so’? I told you all this embarrassing stuff about how I feel about him then I found out he’s your brother… I just feel… somehow.”

“Ohh,” he said sounding relieved, “I didn’t tell him anything about our conversation last night if that’s what you’re worried about. Besides it wasn’t that embarrassing, a little crazy, but not that embarrassing.”

I didn’t resist my laughter this time, he seemed like such a serious guy but surprisingly funny. I had never really met someone who I had such an easy rapport with, most guys just didn’t understand half the things I said or vice versa. I gave his arm a friendly slap.

He placed his right hand on his chest like he was about to say a pledge, “I promise, he won’t hear anything from me.”

I gave a sigh of relief, “Thanks for not telling him… I’m pretty sure nothing is going to happen between us but I would still like to be able to face him for the rest of the holiday.”

“Why are you suddenly so sure nothing is going to happen between you? Are you no longer interested? It’s the Danshiki he was wearing yesterday, I keep telling him no one wears those in 2022.”

“No, no… I mean you do have a point but that wasn’t it. I meant the whole thing was ridiculous. Just a way to make myself feel better about Christmas. It was… stupid.” And considering he had seen me in that ugly brown frock, I knew I didn’t stand a chance again.

We stood in awkward silence for a while. I looked down at the bag in my hand, suddenly curious about the way I was holding it, anything not to look at Derin.

“Do you want to go to the cinema with me?” He said, filling the quiet.

My head shot up, “You want me to go with you…”

“Oh not me… I mean, yes but… with Jet… uhh… me and Jet…” he stammered, then ran his hand through his messy mini afro, “If you want…”

I smiled, his nervousness made me more comfortable in mine, “Yeah, I would love to.”

Jet was so excited after watching the Spiderman movie that his father had to throw him over his shoulder like a sack of rice to stop him from trying to climb up the walls in the mall. The child started wailing so Derin promised him ice cream to appease his tantrum.

“What flavour do you want?” he asked me as we stood in front of the serving glass.

“Uhh… just pick anyone for me.” I hated picking ice cream flavours or pizza toppings, even the choice between Jollof rice and fried, I could never decide and it made me feel an irrational amount of pressure.

“Chocolate!” Jet piped up. I watched a waiter hand a small cup of chocolate ice cream, with a series of chocolate bars and crushed wafers as toppings to Jet. I smiled widely as he eyed his dessert hungrily.

I giggled, “You know what, I’ll have what he’s having.”

We sat in a corner booth to enjoy our ice cream. Jet devoured his dessert while the grown ups talked and teased about the mess he was making. I felt so content in the moment, it gave me a weird feeling in my belly. I couldn’t wait to have a family of my own like this one day. I couldn’t help but wonder why Derin and his wife would throw this away.

“What happened between you and your wife?” I asked, it was a heavy question and I wasn’t sure if he would answer but I couldn’t help myself.

To my surprise he shrugged and said, “It was what she wanted, we were fighting a lot and we didn’t know what to do. One day she said she wanted a divorce, I refused for a year and she moved out. Eventually, I didn’t know what I was fighting for anymore.”

“Do you still love her?”

“Ahh… Derin, is that you?” An older woman yelled from the door of the small ice cream shop, disrupting our conversation. Without waiting for a response, the woman entered, “I knew it was you, how are you, my dear?”

“Aunty Jumoke…” Derin awkwardly tried to stand but bumped his leg on the table that I just realised was too small for his large frame, “Good afternoon ma’am, how are you?” He said and more gently shifted himself out of the booth to meet her.

“I’m fine, my dear. Your mother told me you and your brother were back when we spoke on the phone this morning. I was looking forward to seeing you at the party tomorrow and… ohh is that Jetoluwa? Ohh what a handsome boy, come here and greet your aunty.”

Jet eyed the older woman suspiciously and moved closer to my side of the table, snuggling up to my side. Instinctively I put my arm around him making the woman notice me for the first time.

“Ohh my dear I’m sorry, I didn’t even see you there. Abike, how are you my dear?”

I looked at her too confused to speak. Why did she call me Abike?

Derin quickly piped in, “Ohh… uhh… no aunty that’s… that’s not Abike… this is just my friend.”

Understanding dawned on me and so did my home training as I hopped out of the booth and curtseyed, “Good afternoon ma’am.”

“Mmmhmm,” Was all she said back as she eyed me up and down, “Well, I have to go… Jetoluwa, I will see you tomorrow,” She moved towards the boy again but he scurried off the table to hide behind his dad.

“I’m so sorry ma, he’s just shy,” Derin tried to explain.

She frowned and looked at me, then turned it to a smile when she looked at Derin, “Okay ohh, I have to go, greet Abike for me,” Then she walked off digging into her bag presumably for her phone.

“That woman thinks I’m your girlfriend,” I said with laughter in my voice, Yoruba aunties were the most amusing creatures.

“What? No?” The idea seemed to make him uncomfortable. I felt a little disappointed, did the thought of being with me make him feel that way?

I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, “Well, at least by the time she calls your mum, which she’s probably doing right now, she’ll know that you’re divorced.”

“Uhh… not exactly…” He sat down and faced his ice cream, refusing to make eye contact.

“You haven’t told them? I thought you were going to do it last night.”

“I never really said I would…”

“Well, you’ll have to do it tonight, otherwise, your parents are going to think you’re having an affair,”

***

“Wait, wait, wait… you’re having an affair with who?” Etim asked.

“The Derin guy now,” Prudence replied.

“But I thought the guy she liked was Shayo?”

“Etim are you even listening at all–”

“Derin is Shayo’s brother,” I cut into my friends’ chatter. I was lying on my messy bed and rolled over on my belly, “And I’m not having an affair with him… he’s divorced.”

“But you like him?” Etim asked.

“No, we’re just friends,” I don’t know why I felt defensive.

“Then why haven’t you said anything about prince charming?”

“True, what’s going on with him?” Prudence agreed.

“Ughh,” I groaned, “I don’t know, we haven’t really gotten a chance to talk—“

“Maybe that’s because you’ve been too busy with his brother. Shayo might be getting the wrong idea,” said Prudence.

“Exactly, you’re seeing him tonight right?” Etim asked.

“Yeah,”

“So talk to him,”

“But—“

“No buts, tonight don’t think about it, just go there and do it. Now if you’ll excuse us, we are late for a Safari tour. Bye babe.”

Prudence gave a high pitch, “Bye baby.”

“Bye…” The line went dead before I could finish my word, I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out.

That night, I was determined to take my friend’s advice as I walked over to the house next door. They were having a small get together and as the sound of music and chatter got louder, I felt a mixture of confidence and nerves. I had practiced what I was going to say to Shayo but the moment I saw him, the words flew out of my head. He came out of the house with little Jet in his arms.

“Hi Lade, you’re here just in time.”

I smiled curiously, “Just in time for what?”

“To help me get fireworks from the store,” He said like he was inviting me on an adventure.

I giggled, “How exciting,” I responded sarcastically.

“I know.” He walked ahead of me and I followed.

I didn’t know what else to say so I asked, “Where’s Derin?”

“Probably on the phone somewhere, he hasn’t dropped it since we got here.” The store was at the back of the house. Once we got there, he opened the door to the dark and dusty room. Jet started to squirm so he put him down.

I stretched out my arms for him and he walked over to me and let me lift him.

“Hi Jet,“ I cooed.

Shayo looked surprised, “Wow, he doesn’t like anyone, he barely likes me half the time,” Then he smiled, “There must be something really special about you.“

Was he flirting with me? I couldn’t tell so I just smiled awkwardly and shrugged, pretending not to care as much as I really did.

He dragged out a box near the entrance, dusted it a bit and lifted it up with a small grunt, “I heard you guys went to the cinema without me.”

“Sorry… I didn’t know you wanted to come. I didn’t really peg you as a superhero movie kind of guy.“

He shrugged, “That’s more my brother, as you might have noticed he’s the nerd in the family. But I do enjoy them from time to time.”

“Well next time… if there is a next time, I’ll remember to invite you.”

He gave his approval of that with a smile then an awkward silence fell between us. I didn’t know what to say. It seemed that was a common thing every time I was around him. It made me wonder what I used to say to him that summer.

“So I…”

“Man, I’m tired…”

We spoke at the same time.

“Oh sorry you go ahead.“

“No no you… It’s fine.”

I nodded, “I was just saying that I am a bit tired of eating yam. It seems like that’s all we’ve been having for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Boiled, pounded, fried.“

He laughed, “Yeah you’re in Ondo state what do you expect?“

I laughed too, “Maybe a little rice?“

“Okay I’ll tell you what I know about a little hidden spot where they sell Shawarma. Back in the day, my aunts used to take me and D there all the time, I think it’s still open. I could take you there if you like?”

Was he asking me out on a date? “Yeah I wouldn’t mind that.“

When we entered the house together, I was feeling better about the holidays and my chances of love but that slowly died when I saw the little crowd of people gathered in the living room. As we got closer, the centre of attention was slowly revealed.

“… everyone is always so surprised when I speak French, I was in Paris for a whole year… ohh hey cus!” Anita said when she sighted me.

“Hi…” no one told me she was going to be around, it was an unpleasant surprise. “What a pleasant surprise?” I said, giving her my best fake smile.

“Excuse me guys,” She said as she stood up, the group of men that I just realised were all men actually looked disappointed.

“Who’s that?” Shayo whispered, from beside.

I don’t hate my cousin Anita, on the contrary, we got on great. I hated what her presence did to me. Anita was one of those girls who were too shiny to miss, lighter skinned, tall and beautiful. Beside her, I looked like the ugly duckling and everyone saw it, often even commented on it. She attracted all the attention in the room and everyone just seemed to forget me.

“Ahh cus, don’t tell me you have a boyfriend that I didn’t know about?” Anita asked when she got in front of us, eyeing Shayo curiously.

That was a funny question, considering we only ever spoke during Christmas and knew nothing about each other’s personal lives, “Oh no, Shayo is—“

“A friend and who are you?” Shayo piped in, stretching out his hand for hers.

Anita bursted out her most flirtatious smile, “Anita.”

“That’s a beautiful name,” Shayo said and gave a flirty smile of his own.

A short time later, everyone under forty was gathered in the dining room, all the boys seemed completely enamoured by Anita. Even Jet was sitting on his uncle’s lap watching her speak.

“It feels so good to be back home, I’ve been gone for five years. I love it in Canada but it’s not like home. I miss the food here: jollof, swallow, suya, Nigerian shawarma…”

Shayo chipped in, “Yeah I know what you mean, I miss it too when I’m in the States. I know a great shawarma place around here I could take you.”

“Oh really, that would be great…”

“Yeah we could just head there after the party.”

And that was my cue to leave. I got up and walked out to the mini living room, almost bumping into the mini Christmas tree beside the entrance. Unsurprisingly, no one noticed my exit, the room was empty so I sat on the couch contemplating calling my friends and offloading my troubles.

“Want company?” I turned to see Derin. He had quiet footsteps because I didn’t even hear him coming.

I shrugged, “Where have you been all night?”

He showed me his phone as he sat next to me, “Phone call,” was his only explanation. “So why are we hiding?” He said, giving me a small nudge.

“I’m not hiding,” I lied.

Thankfully, Derin didn’t push, “So Anita seems nice…” he began.

“Ohh she’s very nice,” I sounded sarcastic but I actually meant it, Anita was a really nice person. It was a little annoying that she was so perfect, “And I believe your brother thinks so too, he’s taking her for shawarma later.”

“What? I thought he asked you?”

“He did but I guess… wait, how did you know he asked me?”

Derin immediately looked guilty, “Ohh… uhh didn’t you just mention it?”

“No, that’s not what I said. I said he was taking my cousin,” I folded my arms and stared him down.

He sighed looking defeated, “I’m sorry…”

“You promised,”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

I shook my head and tried to walk back into the dining room. I was moving fast so that he wouldn’t try to stop me and I bumped into the Christmas tree, making it fall over loudly. The conversation in the room paused and everyone finally turned their attention on me. I hate Christmas!

…to be continued

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