I Am Looking For My Wife (E1 – E3)

E2 - Kayamata

He should have known there was something wrong when he had to open the door with his own key but he was too preoccupied replying a message to Jane. “Jane Mini” was what he saved her number with because when they met she was wearing a skirt so short that when she sat, her blue panties were in full display. As blue was Jake’s best color, he had decided to approach her.

From there it had been all chocolate and roses between them. Jane was a 300 level Unilag student studying Linguistics. Her voice was sweet and bouncy. Her nails were long and colorful like her make up. Her skin was top notch! “Skin like milk” was what she called it when he complimented her and they had laughed together.

Throughout that night and the day after at work, all Jake could think of was grabbing handfuls of that flesh and squeezing and caressing. Just as expected, their liaison had been one of the best he ever had. Jane was a professional in bedmantics. In the heat of the moment, Jake had advised her firmly to burn her logistics degree when it came. She did not need it if she was so good at bedmantics.

Jane had laughed and told him that if he would take care of all her needs, she wouldn’t need a degree after all. The transfer of cash went smoothly, a hundred thousand Naira for his babe with skin like milk. She thanked him with another round and promised to keep in touch. Now she was texting that she missed him. Jake smiled like a half mad man. Of all the men Jane had around her, she was missing him, him!

He strolled to his room. He would take his bath and quickly begin working on that project. His phone beeped again.

Jane: Can we meet tonight?

All the blood rushed from Jake’s brain to the southern pole. His brain began to work very fast. How would he leave the house today with his wife watching like a hawk? His wife. That was when he realized he had not seen his wife. He walked back into the pallor calling her name as he went through the house. There was no answer. He walked back into the room. Her favorite handbag and shoes were missing. She was not yet back from work.

He briefly wondered why she was this late returning home. It was 7 PM and she usually came home around 4 PM. He wondered for a moment before quickly discarding the thought. It was the will of God that he would see Jane that night. He leaped into the bathroom.

***

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The next day, Jake’s feet were confused on the ground. A growing patch under his armpit betrayed his agitation and belied the calm expression on his face. Iye Betty watched him walk towards her stall. When she raised her tray and dusted it into the air, it created a small white cloud that gently settled. She timed it just right.

“Good afternoon ma” the young man greeted, trying hard not to cough.

“Good afternoon my pikin. You wan buy something?” Iye asked.

“Eh… no ma. I wan ask you question” Jake said, staring at Iye Betty’s wrinkled face. It did not look friendly at all and he briefly wondered why she was his wife’s favorite customer.

“Wetin be that?” The old woman asked, it didn’t seem possible but her expression had become even less friendly.

“Mama, you see my wife?” Jake asked.

“I see your wife?” Iye Betty’s expression was incredulous.

“Yes. Did you see my wife?” Jake asked, losing the last of his pidgin to nervousness. Iye Betty looked around in case there were policemen lurking around waiting to arrest her if she said yes. She had in fact not seen the woman but she couldn’t just simply say “no”. That would make her seem as though she was lying.

“Which kain question be that? She asked. Her voice rose. “I dey follow you marry your wife?”

“No ma. I can’t find her. And she frequents your shop. That’s why I thought to ask you” Jake said, his hands raised in a placating manner.

The old woman struggled to get up from the bench she sat on. When she was fully standing, she picked up the small broom she used to drive flies from her fishes and brandished it at him. “Comot from my shop. Comot from my shop!” She yelled.

Jake stepped backward quickly and began to walk away. Her insults followed him down the road to his house. She called him a host of names, but the one that stuck fast to his ear was “useless husband”. It made him want to cry.

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***

One month ago he alighted from the plane in Lagos. No one was waiting for him at the airport because he had chosen to make it that way. Only a foolish married man would allow his girlfriend to come to pick him up at the airport. Anybody can spoil things for you at such a public place. Your wife’s friends and family, even those friends of yours who secretly hate you can rat you out.

Jake was wise, he conducted his business with stealth. He left the airport to his friend’s house in Lekki. Tony was a bosom friend of his, their friendship was twenty years old and counting. This made him an obvious choice when Jake was considering where to stay. Staying in hotels would have been nice but Jake had high standards when it came to lodging and not enough cash to last him a month in the hotel of his choice.

As soon as he had dropped his bags at Tony’s house and taken a shower, he hopped into another Über. Take me to Landmark beach! He told the eager driver. It took some time for him to find Eva since he wasn’t really sure what she looked like. When he finally found her, it was worth the struggle. She was tall and lanky, chocolate to a fault! She had been lying on a blanket before he came but she got up to welcome him.

That was when he noticed that those long legs were even longer than they had seemed before! Jake was already imagining her in various positions. This one would be movable, operable lol, he thought.

“Welcome Sweetie” Eva greeted him with a kiss to his cheek and a hug. Her chest area was so soft. Jake was initially mesmerized. Thankfully, he regained himself quickly enough.

“My darling. It is so good to see you” he said. Then he kissed her full and long. Jake was not a man and preacher of hesitation. Jake was an action man. A real take first and ask later kind of man. Eva gasped and molded into his embrace. She seemed suddenly innocent in the face of his raw masculinity. They were interrupted by a hard cough coming from the blanket. Eva disengaged from Jake and took his hand.

“This is my friend Victory,” she said, indicating the shorter and slimmer girl.

“Hi,” Vicky said, waving. Then she smiled, and that was the last thing Jake remembered.

He was searching frantically in his suitcase. Tony stood at the door and watched him. When he saw he couldn’t find what he was looking for, he turned the suitcase upside down on the bed. Some of the contents stuck to the bad and Jake shook them fiercely. He was breathing hard from the effort of lifting the heavy object.

“What are you looking for?” Tony asked, his voice tinged with worry. He didn’t know why but Jake was behaving strangely. He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“I am looking for my checkbook,” Jake said as he began rifling through the pages of a large self-help book. As a lover of books, Jake always traveled with one of those.

“What for? Why not use your card?” Tony asked.

“I can’t. I tried it yesterday and it didn’t work, that’s why I had to go inside the bank” Jake said. He scattered the small bag of pens.

“Yes! You withdrew money before you came na” Tony said, remembering that Tony had reached his bank first before coming.

“It is not enough. I need 500thousand” Jake said. He was getting frustrated in his search. He kicked his phone off the bed in anger. Tony picked it up, he was beginning to understand the situation.

“Who told you to bring 500 thousand?” He asked.

“Victory,” Jake said. Then he looked up “Do you have 500 thousand to borrow me? I will give you later”

“I don’t have that kind of money,” Tony said.

Jake paused for a moment. Then he hit the suitcase cover until it fell closed. He had another idea. “I am going to the bank”

“You are not going anywhere,” Tony told him. Jake attempted to push past him and they began to grapple. The grappling continued until Tony had the other man pinned under his armpit. Jake pushed Tony away so forcefully that he flew and landed on the bed. Fiddling with the door, he quickly opened it and ran into the living room.

Unfortunately for him, Tony had recovered quickly and was just right behind him. A forceful jab at the back, a blow to the head, and Jake was out cold. Tony gave a sinister smile and blew on his knuckles. That was fun, he thought.

Three hours later, Jake stirred and sat up on the sofa. He was bare-chested and weak, falling back to the sofa when he tried standing up. Tony who was sitting nearby behaved as though he did not notice his friend’s struggles.

“What happened to me?” Jake asked. He flexed his ass and confirmed that it had not been touched.

“You were about to lose 500 thousand Naira,” Tony said. Jake did not believe him.

“What are you talking about?” He asked.

“Go and look in your room,” Tony said, he had lost the previous excitement.

Jake came back with even more questions. “Why are my things all over the place?” He asked. There was building anger in his voice. Tony sat him down and told him what happened.

“That girl used Kayamata on you. You be don wreck!! God saved you! Wait, what am I saying? God used me to save you!” He declared.

“So what happened to my head” he touched his tender skull “Why does my head hurt?” Jake asked. When Tony did not reply he raised his voice “What happened to my head?!!”

“We fought! You gave me injuries too!” Tony yelled back. Then he stretched out his arms to show the injuries. Both arms were whole.

“Show me na,” Jake urged.

“I saved you 500 thousand Naira!” Tony reiterated, opening his eyes wide as though he had only discovered that fact “Oya go buy me malt!”

“Which stupid Malt” Jake hissed and got up. Tony threw his shirt at him.

“Wear shirt go buy me malt! If not me and you go get trouble” he said. Jake stared at him in disgust for a long moment. When he realized that his friend was unfazed, he put on his shirt.

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JOY

The address was easy to locate, even the description of the house had been perfect. Typical of him, Moses had spent time carefully explaining to her. His voice had been a slow soothing caress over the phone. It had helped her stay centered on her drive here. She was not ignorant of the weight and consequences of the action she was about to take.

She was fully aware that she was dipping her oil soaked fingers into the fire. Yet she couldn’t stop herself. She was like a mischievous child whose parents had left alone in the house. Although her case went a lot deeper than a desire to do mischief, it all came down to the same thing. She was about to commit havoc, she was about to cross into enemy lines.

“Moses is not the enemy” she mumbled to herself as she took a deep breath and rang the bell. She waited but there was no answer. She rang the bell again and stepped back. This would be her last ring. If he didn’t come outside she would go back home. Was it possible that she had gotten the address wrong after all? She stared at the street again.

“On your right, two houses after the Catholic church” she remembered him saying. e There was no other house that fit the description. She made to ring the bell again and the door opened. It was Moses, he was breathing hard as though he had been running.

“My Joy!” He exclaimed. His grin was so boyish and endearing that Joy laughed.

“Hello,” she said, her voice turning sexy on its own.

“Come in Mami. You are welcome” he said, holding out a hand to take hers.

His living room was spacious but sparsely furnished. Everything about it spoke bachelor. The only odd thing about the room was that it was so tidy. Every surface reflected the light. The walls were white and the only things that gave the room some color were the furniture. Joy noticed everything because she was avoiding looking at Moses in the eye. Would he judge me? She wondered.

“How are you?” Moses asked. Then he came to stand in front of her and began inspecting her arms, her neck, and her face. She was flabbergasted.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Checking to make sure he didn’t hit you,” he said.

“Of course not. My husband is not violent” Joy said reflexively. She immediately felt guilty. If she was going to sing Jake’s praises, then why was she here? Why had her feet led her straight into a taboo arrangement? She was not here for sex, on the contrary, what had brought her here was the need for a hug.

She had craved it since that day in the office. Something told her that all she needed to heal was a hug from Moses. A hug and company. Company and maybe a kiss. A kiss and maybe. God, it had been so long since a man held her with purpose. Her hands skimmed his chest gently. That touch was both an apology and an invitation.

She was saying, I am sorry I am married. I am sorry I came here to present myself as a sacrifice, fully vulnerable. I am sorry that I crave to unburden myself so much. I am sorry I didn’t meet you five years ago. She dragged him closer and kissed him. The kiss was a declaration, an announcement that indeed butterflies appeared in her belly anytime she was close to him.

And she felt so young, so young. Not like an Iyawò, like an ómohin, a girl, a small foolish girl in love. Soon her legs were wrapped around his waist and her back kissed the wall feverishly. His mouth peppered the hollow of her neck and his breath seared like a hot iron on her cleavage. Moses groaned at the feel of her around him, with one smooth motion, he gripped her hips and lowered her into position. Then a knock sounded at the door, then another and another. All of them, sharp, insistent, and urgent.