Grainy Apocalypse: One Night In A Personalized Hell
The bathroom door creaked as Shayna opened it and stepped inside the small square room she spent most of her time is now. She walked towards the countertop, her Afro hair bouncing after her. She was not a beautiful woman, neither could she be described as ugly. Her luxurious hair, the pretty arch of her eyebrows and her small mouth gave her that look of a woman who wasn’t beautiful but whose appearance drew solid male attention.
The drawer under the mirror contained the pills so she reached into it and brought out the bottle. She didn’t bother to read the label because the prescription wasn’t new. Pain killers, one tablet to be taken. Shayna took four pills out and swallowed them with water from the sink chasing the bitterness down her throat.
Then she took off the gray gown she was wearing and entered into the shower. Careful not to cut her feet on the broken tiles. Last year Shayna would have hummed when the water ran down her back, but this one just stood under it like a statue. For her, every bath was an exorcism that never worked. She avoided touching some parts of her body because it pained her. Not physical pain, but the pain of remembrance.
Her belly was off-limits. She never touched it anymore, never washed or held it. The place between her legs could not be avoided so she suffered the pain of washing it daily. She couldn’t come to terms with the fact that the baby had lodged in her belly for a time and then checked out as though it was a hotel.
After the miscarriage, she had run to her mother crying that she had lost the baby. Her mother had told her “when a bastard child is miscarried, it is not a loss but a blessing from God”. Shayna hadn’t seen her since then. Suddenly, the water sputtered out. Shayna looked around her and through the opposite window. It was already dark outside, she had spent hours in the shower.
She got out and toweled in front of the mirror, avoiding her own eyes but staring intently at the shape of her body. She had not been working out for a long while, yet she was in surprisingly marvelous shape. Perhaps it was the grief that was holding her from falling. Shayna smiled bitterly. She picked the almost empty pill bottle and walked naked into her living room.
A knock sounded at the door as soon as she belted the robe she had left lying on the sofa.
“Who’s there?” Shayna asked and began to walk slowly towards the door.
“It is me,” Olive said in an irritated voice. Shayna sighed. It was her irritating White, “Trust Fund Baby” friend.
“I do not need you here, Miss”
“Miss? I am your Best Friend, you moron! You don’t have to want me anywhere!” Olive shouted.
Shayna quickly opened the door, she knew that Olive had no shame whatsoever and wouldn’t mind involving neighbors in their dispute. The other young woman sniffed the air when she entered but said nothing. Making the decision to bridle her tongue.
“What’s for dinner?” She asked.
“You can’t stay long,” Shayna said as Olive settled herself on the sofa.
“Why?”
“Cos I’m going out” Shayna replied with a devilish smile.
“To do what?” Olive looked over the other woman’s shabby clothing. Shayna noticed.
“Nothing fancy, just want to fill in this prescription,” she said
“What prescription?” Olive got up and strode over to her. Shayna backed away.
“You’re still taking those painkillers, aren’t you?”
“I still feel pain.”
“Of course! And you need a therapist and not an extra cup of pills! You’re going to kill yourself taking this poison” Olive said, she was very upset.
“Too expensive,” Shayna said
“I’ll pay.”
“I don’t want to talk about it” Shayna replied. Olive stood there staring at her for a moment, then she shook her head, deciding that it was not worth it.
“Follow me home. My house is cozy and I’ll cook you dinner” she said grudgingly. Shayna smiled at her.
Alright, let me get dressed.”
***
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Olive pushed the key card into the door of her apartment. The red light blinked twice and the door swung open. Shayna brushed past her into the living room. She was still upset about being forced to drop the idea of getting more pain killers. Olive made a face behind her back.
“I saw that,” Shayna said.
“No, you didn’t,” Olive said with a caught in the act expression on her face.
“I don’t need to turn around to know what you’re capable of.”
“Whatever. What do you want to have for dinner” Olive said, dodging a flying throw pillow and putting her blond hair in a bun.
“Anything you have,” Shayna said. She raised another throw pillow over her head, then she decided against it and put it back. They both walked towards the kitchen.
“I made tomato sauce yesterday so I’m just gonna make some pasta” Olive said.
“It better be good.”
“Or what? Get me that pan over there” Olive said.
“Watch the tone. I’m not your help.”
“But at least try to be helpful,” Olive said rolling her eyes. Shayna rubbed her forehead.
“You should have let me get those pills.”
“No. Never. Besides, have you spoken to your mom lately?” Olive asked, filling a pot with water.
“Not since last year” Shayna replied, she got some carrots out of the basket and started waving them around.
“What happened to you guys?” Olive asked “Don’t just swing them around. Chop them” she said.
“I ran to her when I was hurt and she picked up a knife and widened my wound”
“Ouch! Your mother has a mouth on her. What did she say this time?” Olive asked.
“I told her I had lost the baby and she said “Losing a baby is a loss, but losing a bastard baby is a blessing from God” I wanted to ask her whether losing Clem had been one of God’s blessings too but I just walked away,” Shayna said. She looked like a lost puppy standing against the refrigerator. Olive didn’t know how to save her.
“Come on, I’ve got a new video game that would cheer you up,” she said.
“What is this one called?” Shayna asked. Her friend had a very weird taste when it came to video games.
“Grainy Apocalypse.”
***
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The breeze was blowing tendrils of hair annoyingly into her face. That was what woke Shayna up. She opened her eyes blearily and looked outside, the road was empty but for a few leaves scurrying away from the breeze. The road? She jerked to her feet and looked around. She was still in Olive’s house but the place where the video game had been was empty, blown through by a large object.
Shayna felt her body for injuries and found none, she wasn’t injured but where was Olive?
“Olive! Olive!! Olive!!” She screamed as she walked through rooms in the house. All of them looked damaged and ransacked, the kitchen especially. The sink had been pulled forcefully from the wall and lay in tattered shreds on the floor. What kind of animal could have the strength to do such a thing? What kind of person? She checked under the table, inside the closets, and inside the fridge but Olive was nowhere to be found.
“No, no, no!” Shayna shouted as the possibility that Olive could be lying dead in her bed occurred to her. She sprinted to the room, the door was ajar so she rushed in easily. The bedclothes were rumpled but there was nobody in it. Olive’s phone was lying on the dresser. Shayna gasped in relief, she picked it up and inputted her best friend’s password.
Olive’s smiling face popped up and Shayna went to her contacts and typed “M”. She scrolled down to the end but she still didn’t find Mom. Then she typed in “S” and sure enough it was there Sweetest Mom. If anyone else would know about Olive’s whereabouts it would be her mother. Shayna raised her finger to punch the dial button and the phone screen went blank.
She dropped it like a hot pot. There was something wrong with the phone too. Shayna backed away from it. She stepped on something and it squished under her feet, she opened her mouth to scream and saw that it was Olive’s teddy bear Lilac. Her friend had named it Lilac because it was lilac in color.
That teddy was dear to her heart. Shayna picked it up and dropped it on the bed. She looked around the room for any traces of struggle and found none. It was painfully just like Olive’s room on a normal day. It was as if the person had left it like that to make a statement. After all, the rest of the house was trashed.
Shayna walked to the window and looked out, all the other houses seemed blurry and covered in mist. That was strange because the road had been very clear and open. What is happening here? Shayna thought. Sound blasted behind her and Shayna picked the lamp holder in front of her and faced it towards the source of the sound.
It was the iPod on the dresser suddenly coming to life and Shayna listened as it began to play the first notes of Sia’s song Bird Set Free. She walked over to it and switched it off. Then she placed it under the bedclothes and began walking towards the door. There’s a scream inside we all try to hide the iPod began singing again. Shayna fled out of the house.
***
The stones crunched under her feet as she walked down the road. Left and right, everything was covered in mist but the road stretched out into the distance. The wind was again playing with her hair so Shayna tied it securely with her hairband. When it was tied she heard a sound swish past her ear. It was as though the wind did not like losing its toy, it was pouting.
A chill went down her spine. What the fuck is happening!!! She screamed inside herself. Running feet sounded in the distance and Shayna began to run towards it. She ran and ran but the person wouldn’t stop running. Help! Help!! She screamed and it echoed on the invisible walls. Playing back over and over again until she stopped. Then there was silence.
The silence made Shayna pause long enough to hear the weeping. The tears of the person were so profound that she also began to cry. She wept and sank to the ground. The gravity of her situation goading up the tears. Then abruptly the tears stopped. Shayna looked up through blurry eyes, across the road was a girl just like her. Sitting down with tears on her cheeks pouring out of her nose.
The shock of seeing herself was too much to bear and she fell when she tried to run. Dead to the world, the words came to her as she lay there in her own snot. She was pathetic, she knew that already, but dead to the world? She had Olive, she had her mother, but did she? Her relationship with her mother had been rocky even before the pregnancy.
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Why had she always avoided the woman? Shayna spied over her shoulder at her doppelganger but it was no longer sitting there. In its place was a bright street with twinkling red street lights. She knew that street, it was Midwestern Avenue. If it was the same street as in real life then Robo mall would be at the end of the road.
Shayna got up painfully, she was losing strength. She needed to eat. She needed to get home. Then she remembered the pills in her pocket and brought it out. The bottle was unchanged but when she shook it the pills inside didn’t jiggle. She pried open the cover and looked inside. Gasping as she saw that it was filled with caked blood. She threw it far away from her and walked into the new road.
This new road was as deserted as the last one despite the lighting. She walked carefully, not eager to repeat the same experience. The mist on the houses was less on this road and Shayna could see a woman watering flowers in front of her house. The woman waved to her but for some reason, Shayna didn’t answer and she watched as the woman’s kind face fell.
Why did her face fall? It wasn’t compulsory to return a greeting, was it? Shayna walked forward and saw two little boys riding on a stationary bicycle in front of a house. She stood to watch them. She and her brother Clem used to play on a stationary when they were young. Clem died in the War. She blinked and one of the kids was gone. Only one player on the bike, it was a girl and she was looking at Shayne. She waved too.
Shayna walked on. A man and his wife were arguing loudly inside their house. Shayna could see their shadows through the window. A small child was sitting on the porch eating a piece of cake and looking unconcerned. Shayna walked through a slight bend and into the street Robo Mall should be on in real life. This street had yellow lights that danced before her eyes, she needed to eat fast.
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The mist was less but Shayna knew it only seemed so because she was paying attention. She heard laughter sounding from all the houses. A black woman came out of one of the houses. She was carrying a plate of cookies. She looked so real.
“Do you want some cookies?” She asked.
“No,” Shayna said, her voice was hers, solid. Her mother’s voice came to her at that moment and an ache settled low in her belly. Shay Baby, never eat food from a stranger. Got it?
“Alright. God bless you” the woman said and turned back towards her house.
She walked faster and soon she could see the mall in front of her. Not slowing down, she walked up to the front door. The sign said open but the mall was empty. On a normal day, Shayna would have never entered but it was the apocalypse and she was officially stuck in hell. The world was ending and she was the only one aware of it.
The handle of the door was cold to the touch as Shayna turned it and stepped inside. The door clicked shut behind her. She went directly to the fast-food session, the picture of a healthy-sized hamburger flashing in her head. The counter was deserted but there was food. Lots of food. Shayna took two hamburgers, a cup of coffee and one diet coke. She was hungry.
The sound of the chair scraping the floor was enough to remind her how alone she was in the mall. She stood stock-still for a moment before she relaxed. The hamburger was good, better than any she had ever taken. Perhaps it was because she had never been this hungry.
The ketchup sat well on her tongue. She washed the first one down with a cup of coffee. As she made to pick the next one, the tattoo on her left wrist showed and she remembered Olive. Olive! What was she doing eating when she should be looking for her friend and finding her way home?
She was in mortal danger, yet she wanted to eat for enjoyment. Why was she bothered by… unimportant things. It suddenly struck her, all her life she had bothered about unimportant things. Harassed her poor mom for years because she wanted to do plastic surgery for a nose that was only slightly crooked. Dated the wrong guys and slept with worse. Worked two jobs to help her Ex, Nathan nurse his cocaine addiction when she should have been saving up for college.
She got up to leave and reached for the remaining hamburger. Her fingers came up with sand. Sand? Her belly suddenly felt heavy. She was filled with sand. Shayna ran blindly towards the front door. The door would not budge and she knocked her body against it as she screamed. The sign that had read Closed before now read Scream.
Shayna sank to the floor and screamed. The sand poured out of her mouth and she thought of her baby turning into dust inside of her. Her relationship with her mother and her Ex-boyfriend Toby, turning to dust in her hands. Her scream increased in pitch until her throat was raw and the glass shattered in front of her. She crawled through the opening.
***
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Outside was hot and moist, the wind was blowing stronger. Shayna crawled down the street, she knew that if she got up the wind would certainly carry her. The insides of her were empty, she didn’t even have the strength to cry anymore. The atmosphere resembled the short time before morning, dark but promising of a bright new day.
She just wanted to sleep but she couldn’t possibly sleep on the tarmac. What if a car zoomed by? There are no cars, silly. This is the apocalypse. She thought and chuckled to herself. She was going out of her mind and she knew. The overload of information was getting to her. She had never realized her life was that shitty before even as she wallowed in it.
She needed to sleep and forget everything. Dying didn’t seem like a terrible option anymore. A small cot lay in the distance, maybe if she laid there she wouldn’t feel a thing as the earth would cave in on itself as she slept. The cot was dry and warm. Shayna sank into the comfort of it. It reminded her of her mother’s arms when she was eight years old and came home crying about bullies in her school.
A moist particle fell on her arm and Shayne flicked it off. Snow, it was snowing. So this was how God intended to end the world. By covering it with snow? She checked herself. She had never before readily accepted that God existed but here she was battered and bruised, wishing there was a higher power out there which could rescue her from this hell.
When Clem died in the war, her mother had cried and cursed God for taking away her only child. Shayna had laughed at her in her heart. There was no God. It was the government that killed Clem. The society that valued war over human lives. Another snowflake fell on her lips and she licked it off. It tasted like vanilla Ice cream. Her eyes widened.
The snow kept falling and Shayna tasted many different flavors of ice cream in them. It was like Manna from heaven. Was this a sign? Was God saying he would save her from hell?
“Shayne wakes up” a voice called from heaven. Shayna wept in reply. It was a woman’s voice. Surely if God existed she would be a woman. Shayna crawled off the warm cot unto the tarmac and raised up her hands in a desperate plea.
“Shayna wake up!” The voice said again. God sounded like Olive. Was it God speaking to her?
“Shayna!” The voice was beginning to sound urgent. The ground was shaking, an earthquake was happening beneath her knees and Shayna couldn’t move.
“Please, please. Don’t do this to me” the voice begged. It was from Olive. Shayna jerked awake.
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