Do You Love Me?

“Do you love me?”

“Yes, I do,” I replied fiercely.

My eyes were burning with the sting of pain, hurt, and regret. Of course, it was nothing physical, just a rollercoaster of terrible unidentifiable emotions that seemed to envelop me on every side.

Something was wrong with me, I could not resist the jabs of bile in my stomach. I could feel it inside but not outside. It felt like my body was torn apart from me.

“Sam?!!” Did I yell again?

Nothing.

Just silence.

Profound Silence.

Loud silence.

It made my ears ache in fright. He stood like a statue like he was not there. Soon, he started to talk again. That one and same statement, his new anthem. I silently persuaded my feet to move faster towards him. Strangely, I could feel the weight of my legs as I placed one foot before the other.

Sam stood very close, yet he was unreachable. If only I could reach him, maybe I’d feel safe again. Maybe, just maybe.

The gust of wind from the east billowed furiously around us. He stood motionless, and his eyes appeared to plead for help. Somehow I could not understand it, but I could feel everything that he was feeling. I could understand the pain in his eyes even before I could see him properly.

I made more efforts to move towards him, but strangely the ground appeared to stretch with each leap. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible. I felt like prey caught in an unforgiving trap. A trap that would not let my soul be.

I continued to run and run. Sam just stood there, unmoving, unresponsive, begging for help, asking if I loved him, yet unreachable.

We were in a field filled with rose bushes, sunflowers, and pretty daisies. It looked like the kind of field you’d go-to for a nice picnic date, only that it did not feel like a picnic date at all. Something was wrong, terribly wrong too.

I continued to run through the field, the sun causing my skin to perspire in exhaustion from its heat. There were scars all over my body, and my hands were covered in blood. I screamed as I noticed them.

Where had these come from? Why were my hands slathered with fresh blood like I had killed a person? I looked up in fright in Sam’s direction. I required answers. Why was I here in this strange place anyway?

Sam looked through the field into my eyes, oblivious to my anguish, and asked again,

“Do you love me, Debby?”

“Why do you keep saying that?” I retorted at the top of my voice. The wind was beginning to pick up again, and the noise was eerie and alarming. I started to feel hysterical and agitated. Why was he acting so weird like he had been possessed by a demon from hell? Couldn’t he come to me?

Everything seemed strange. The sun looked so red in the sky, and my legs were unbearably heavy. I couldn’t reach him however hard I tried.

questions upon questions continued to invade my mind, sending me into a frantic circle of madness.

I am losing my sanity. I’ve lost my mind, I muttered to myself, this was the only explanation for all of the strange things that were happening to me.

I looked across at Sam again, he was still standing motionlessly like an apparition.

“Sam!!!” I yelled out again. “I can’t reach you. Please help me.”

“Sam!!!”

“Sam!!!”

I continued to scream at him, as frustration climbed into my body, leaving my legs heavy.

“Please come to me…” I yelled.

Suddenly the most umpteenth thing happened. The sun seemed to disappear from the earth, vanishing from the sky like it never was there in the first place. The field slipped into darkness immediately, without warning, and thunder clapped loudly in the distance, as chaos broke out in the field.

It was like the great trepidation had arrived. Armageddon was coming.

“Do you love me?”

Sam uttered again like he was oblivious to the havoc that was going on.

The earth started to sway like it was starting to get tired of staying in one position for so long. An earthquake was coming, and the ominous sounds that filled the landscape as the earth split into two sent shivers down my spine. How could this be?

Simultaneously, the trees started to set themselves on fire and the beautiful butterflies, colorful sunflowers mysteriously started to disappear, while the others started to decay almost immediately.

It was like a bad movie.

“Snap out of it Sam! Something’s not right, Sam,” I screamed. “Something terrible is coming!” I yelled as I continued to run towards him.

I had to save him. We had to find an escape route out of this field.

It soon started to rain, strangely, it did not rain water. There was blood everywhere. it was raining blood. Not water. Just blood; thick, slimy, sticky, and clot-like bloody moisture that covered the decayed flowers and trees like someone had just thrown up something disgusting on them.

By this time, my jean trousers and bright colored T-shirt was almost unrecognizable. I was beyond helpless. There was no one in sight. Only the angry blood rain, the vile gust of the tumultuous wind, and Sam who still stood like he couldn’t see the havoc that was happening to the field, to mother earth.

How did mother earth turn from a peaceful, beautiful, and green planet to this vile and monstrous-looking landscape that cried tears?

The next event was the last stroke that broke the camel’s back. The earth suddenly began to quake in anger, revolting and swallowing.

“Do you love me?” Sam said again, his voice loud and clear over the bedlam.

I could comprehend his words clearly above the turmoil. It seemed like his voice was coming from a place that had no confusion, no quaking earth, no burning trees or blood rain. Even though I could see him in the midst of it all. It was almost like he had just one desire. One purpose, one justification. And that answer was all he needed despite everything that was going on. The answer was like a lifeline that he was holding to.

A large rock suddenly started to fall from the sky, straight towards Sam.

“Do you love me?” He shouted again.

I could not understand it. Why did he care so much for such a stupid question? No matter how much I tried to reply, to leave an answer, It was as if all he heard was not enough.

The rock was fast shooting from the sky towards Sam. It was as large and as heavy as a car.

“Watch out Sam!!!” I yelled, running towards him, I kinda hoped I’d reach him quickly before the rock spiraled and crushed Sam to pieces, blending him to the fragile sick earth.

“Look behind you, Sam. No, run! Run Sam!!!”

I screamed. The rock was looking bigger and bigger.

Sam stood robotic like he was deaf to my voice.

The rock continued to fall with speed, heading directly towards him. like a flash of lightning, the rock reached Sam and impaled him almost immediately.

The squishing sound caused me to pale in horror and stop immediately as the heavy rock connected with his head, sending it into numerous pieces…

“Do you love…”

SQUISH!

“No!!!!!!!!!” I screamed

“No!!! Sam!” I yelled in fury and anger as I watched his body pieces like meat before the butcher’s table.

“No Sam, save me!” I yelled loudly as a new rock came with fury in my direction.

I watched another rock fall faster and rapidly towards my face like a rocket launching in fury.

My voice suddenly refused to leave my throat, my legs were heavy from exhaustion and fright. At that point, only one thing made sense: Sam was dead, the world had ended, and my death was coming.

I shouted “No”!!

No!!!

I screamed awake in fright and jumped up in terror. My hands and body were shaking terribly, and my throat seemed too tight and choky, constricting within itself.

I had been dreaming again. It was that same dream about Sam again.

“Oh, God!” When would all this end?

I muttered in sorrow to myself.

I looked around the darkroom and heard the bell chime loudly. The time was just 2 am. The deadliest hour of the night.

It was the same pattern all the time, at least, for the past six months. Whenever I went to bed, no matter how tired or exhausted I felt, this awful dream always woke me up at the same time every day.

It was a nightmare that was fast becoming my living reality.

“Sam, Sam,” I muttered to myself as hot tears washed down my face… “Please spare me from this torment. Please leave me alone. Set me free from this torment.”

It has been six months since the incident happened. I had hoped that with time, I would have gotten better and maybe healed completely, but the trauma had only increased and my problems had gotten worse. From every indication, Sam’s ghost was not done with me yet. We still had a lot to settle. What had once begun as a hazy dream was now fast blossoming into a miserable nightmare. Wherever I turned, he was there. Everywhere. I saw him in my food, in my kitchen, In my head, in my house.

Sometimes, when I looked at Desmond, my husband I could swear that I saw Sam looking back.

He was everywhere, unyielding, unmovable, screaming, begging, and yelling that I declare my unending love to him.

Sometimes, the dreams would take a different pattern. He’d ask me to join him. He’d remind me of a promise that we had once made.

Weren’t we meant to be together? Forever, for better and for worse?

He wanted to keep his part of the bargain, and he expects that I do the same.

And then the sky would turn red and begin to rain blood all over again. Sometimes, Sam would be unresponsive in the visions, but most times, he’d just stand there, glaring at me until the rock smashes him to death. It was like this every time.

It was like he knew he was going to die, but first, he needed something from me.

Something I didn’t have. Something I could not give. Something I did not know.

I pulled the covers away from my body slowly in the darkness, whimpering in fright as I felt pains all over my body.

My hands and legs shook a bit from exhaustion and fear as I slipped out of bed silently. I was quiet enough not to wake Desmond, my husband. I stole a glance at him. He was snoring very soundly like he had no care whatsoever in the world.

It was a few months into our marriage. We had gotten married in the heart of everything. But yet, I was often left to wonder if I would ever find the kind of peace he appeared to enjoy free of charge.

He always slept like a baby. unlike myself that had become incessantly plagued by images and visions of great trepidation and calamity and doom. Images of Sam, images of the day that everything in her life had gone south. The day I had lost everything.

I stared at him and watched as my emotions morphed into something else. Something I could not explain.

So, I was a married woman, after all, it was all surreal. And then, there was Sam. Sam who wanted love. Sam did not want to let her go. Sam would defy even death for what he sought.

I was indeed caught between a rock and a hard place. And there was no going back.

The dream still sent awful shivers down my spine, frightening me now more than ever.

I walked towards the bathroom quietly and splashed a trickle of cold water on my face. The water felt like ice on my skin, and the shivers helped to draw me Into reality more than ever.

The only thing that could clear my head from the foggy and mind-joggling dream I just had would be a little journaling.

Sam was after me in my sleep, if I had to avoid him, I’d have to stay away from sleep for the longest time until I found a permanent solution.

I was hell-bent to keep my husband away from the mess of my life. I deserved better, he deserved better, it was my fight and I hoped to complete it alone.

I walked out of the bathroom and tiptoed out of the room quietly shutting the door behind me, as I headed towards my study. The house was eerily dark and quiet save for the quiet hum of the heater in the far distance.

I grabbed a bottle of water that lay on the side of the desk and entered into the eerily lit space that was my makeshift office in the house.

I reached for my laptop that lay on the desk, logged in, and quickly scrolled to my word office.

This was how I knew best to communicate with him.

On the top of the screen written in bold letters was the word titled:

The first time he told me “I love you”.

It was the sad story of myself and Sam. Sam before the unfortunate incident. Sam before the nightmares. Sam before the blood on my hands.

I reached for the water and took a large gulp to calm the ache in my chest and throat.

Like every night, I’d detail the exact memories of my nightmare. Like a piece of the plan that an architect needed to execute. The sun, the blood-red rain, the quake, and everything else.

But today, I was upset and did not feel like going through any of that at all. I just wanted to confront Sam so badly.

I wanted to ask him why he wouldn’t let me be. Did he think I was the one at fault? Why wouldn’t he let me have a little peace?

Before I could understand what I was doing or had time to give my actions a second thought.

I hurriedly started to type very fast

“What do you want from me, Sam?!!!!

Let me be for Christ’s sake!!”

It all happened at once. The bulbs in the white bright room suddenly started to quiver and shake like there was an impending power failure.

At the same time, the strangest thing happened.

The keyboard suddenly started to type furiously in response like there was a ghost in the room.

The words started to form into a sentence structure, and I could read them boldly.

Why won’t you love me?

An image of Sam stuck in the field with the rock coming appeared on the screen at once.

It was like a movie was playing on the screen. A bad movie.

The rock hit Sam, and splatters of blood filled my screen space.

It was at that point that I knew I’d lost my mind completely. I threw my system away and started to scream in maddening fright.

I was sure of one thing at this point.

Sam was back, and I was going to die soon.

“Help!!!” I yelled as I suddenly slumped in the darkness.

The last thing I heard was my husband’s voice. He was screaming and yelling for someone to dial 911

“He’s back!”

“He’s back!!”

“He’s back!!!”

I said as my mind surrendered completely to the darkness. The darkness that was not even my friend.

All images are sourced from unsplash.com

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