5G Network And The Shopping Spree
“What is wrong with you? Why did you do what you did?” Tiana asked. May turned and faced her friend. Tiana was so pissed her eyebrows were twitching.
“What are you talking about?”
“Why did you have to send Samuel that text telling him I like him?” Tiana asked, the hairs on her neck visibly bristling.
“Because I wanted to help. I know you are not bold enough” May said.
“You can be a bitch at times,” Tiana retorted turning away, as though the sight of her friend was too disgusting to behold.
“Don’t you run your stupid mouth at me” May shouted, she lifted her hands as if to smack Tiana across her shoulder but her arm fell wrongly. The person who had been watching them had slinked away. Both girls looked at each other and burst into laughter.
“This Betty girl is really jobless o!” May said.
“Don’t mind her. If she is looking for drama, we will give it to her. When the hunter says he will not shoot without missing. The eagle will also learn to fly without perching” May declared.
***
When May got home, her parents were on the couch playing PS5. They had acquired the habit during the lockdown and it seemed almost impossible for them to shed it now. Their offices had decided that it was best for workers to continue working from home, or playing from home in this case.
“Hey baby”
“Good afternoon mommy” May greeted her mother. The older woman smiled at her.
“Where is Tianna?” Her father asked. He was surprised because both girls usually came back home together.
“She went home,” May said. “Her aunt sent for her ”
“Okay. Oya goes inside and rest. Then come down in two hours to prepare dinner”
“Alright mom”
***
In Tianna’s home, things were slightly different. Firstly, she didn’t meet her parents playing in the house or doing anything at all. The house was heavy with their absence and Tianna could almost smell its density. She picked up the dirty clothes that had been discarded near the door.
A filthy smell wafted from them and Tianna knew her aunt had messed up herself again. She should have gone to her room but she couldn’t leave these soiled clothes to rot. It was not like they were so rich they could burn filth like this. She would have to wash all of them.
It had been seven years since her parents died. For one year, she lived alone in this haunted house. Then her aunt came and she lived even more alone in the house. Only this time, she had to pick up after someone who was so self-destructive it was appalling.
“You’re back” a thin voice rasped from the door. Tianna didn’t bother to turn from her washing. “I prepared dinner”
“Okay,” Tianna said, she looked up. Her aunt looked freshly bathed and sober. “Thank you”.
That evening, she made a WhatsApp video call with May; they used their sign language to communicate when they were talking about her aunt. Firstly because in May’s house, her parents would not approve of her talking badly of an elder and secondly because said elder lived in May’s house.
“What are we going to do about that silly girl Betty?” Tianna asked. May hung her head in thought for a moment.
“Let us approach her and tell her to stop fooling herself”.
“Is that wise? That might even give her more reason to stalk us.” Tianna said earnestly.
“So what do you suggest we do?”
“We give her tit for tat. Do me I do you, God no go vex.” She said.
“You be correct babe!” May said in false severity.
“I know!” Tianna replied, laughing out loud.
***
Image Source: Giphy.com
May’s mother had woken up that morning and decided she wanted to eat goat pepper soup for lunch. She sent her daughter to the market with a very long list, charging her to pick Tianna along the way if she knew what was good for her arms. May got to Tianna’s house at exactly 10:30.
She was dressed in a typical “market cloth”. A drab brown dress that was already old and worn. Any sensible Nigerian knows that if you wear your riches to the market, you will leave the market without your riches.
“Good morning ma,” May said. genuflecting to Tianna’s aunt.
“Good morning my darling. Did you come to take Tianna?” She asked
“Yes ma”
“Well, she is the Kitchen doing the dishes” Tianna’s aunt replied, with an apologetic look on her face. May rolled up her sleeves.
***
“Have you watched that video of a guy proposing to his girlfriend on a rooftop?” Tianna asked as they strolled down the road. Their estate was a small one and the market wasn’t so far away. They both looked like sisters, walking with their feet in sync.
“Eh no. You will send me the video. I saw one gbas gbos online yesterday.” May replied.
“Gist me”
“So someone asked Cardi B when she was going to release her new album,” May said, laughter already dancing in her eyes.
“What did Cardi reply with?” Tianna asked. May put her hand on her friend’s shoulder and stared at something in the distance. Whatever she had been trying to say was completely lost from her head.
“Holy shit” she exclaimed. Tianna turned so she could see what had her friend so enthralled.
“Holy shit” she echoed. They were staring at a young man who stood in front of his house with his mother. He was tall and beyond handsome. His skin was light, so light that he could have passed for a mulatto. His beard was soft and inviting even from that distance. Both girls swallowed the saliva that had been pooling in their mouth and began to walk slowly towards him.
“I heard that he is one of the guys sent to install the 5G network in our estate. Let’s look at him very well” Tianna said. They had linked hands with each other for support.
“Who did you get the information from? And aren’t we already looking at him?”
“Never mind. This looking is special, we are trying to find a reason not to be obsessed with such a beautiful creature” Tianna said.
“You and who? See! his mom has gone inside the house” May replied, nudging her friend.
“Let’s talk normally, please. Don’t disgrace me” Tianna said, May looked at her blushing cheeks and burst into laughter.
“You haven’t met him and you are already so bothered,” she said, looking accusingly at her friend.
“What did I just say?” Tianna shot back, they were almost in front of the young man’s car.
From the corner of their eyes, they watched as he circled the car and inserted the key into the driver’s door. Their collective hearts stopped as he raised his head to look at them.
“Hey,” he said, turning to recline on her car door. He smiled, Tianna thought that his teeth were too white and straight to be real. May spied the dusting of hair now peeking out from his open shirt buttons and swallowed. They both could not understand why he reminded them of sex, hard fast sex. The kind that makes you fall in love violently.
“My name is Mike,” he said, stretching his hand to take theirs. Tianna hesitated but May quickly took his hand. His hand was soft and hard at the same time, his thumb drew an invitation unto her palm.
“I’m May,” she said, smiling. He grinned at her “MAY I?” He asked and before she could laugh, he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Something burned deep in her belly, its flames parching her throat and making it hard for her to speak.
“And what’s yours?” Mike asked. He was looking at Tianna. Tianna stepped up to him but not too close.
“Tianna,” she said.
“Wow, beautiful name,” Mike declared. “Can I drop you ladies off?”
“Er, no. The market is not far off” May said.
“The market? Do you intend to walk that far? No no, I insist. Please let me drop you off. I don’t bite” he replied.
He truly didn’t bite, but he dropped so much charm that in the fifteen minutes they spent in the car with him, they both took a strong liking to him. He made them laugh, he flattered them, all this without looking past their face. Both girls noticed his visible effort not to stare below their neck and they respected him for that. He dropped them off, blowing two kisses, one for each girl.
***
Image Source: Giphy.com
“What do you think of Mike?” Tianna asked May as they walked back home from the market.
“He’s a nice guy. I like him” May said smiling.
“Well, I like him too,” Tianna said. Both girls looked at each other as they began to imagine the possibility of falling in love with the same man.
“Let’s see how it goes then,” May said, quickening her pace. Tianna caught up with her.
“That is a rubbish sentence. We can’t just see how it goes” she said.
“So let’s forget about him,” May suggested. Tianna thought for a while.
“I’m not sure we can. We both gave him our numbers. How about we do it like this. He will surely like one of us more than the other” she said.
“Ehen,” May prompted. She wasn’t pleased to be reminded of that possibility.
“We will monitor our chats and from there, deduce who is getting serious. In three weeks’ time, the person he is more serious with gets the guy” Tianna said. It took May some minutes before she finally agreed to the deal. They hurried home, the thought of pepper soup somehow sullied by the thoughts of what a text from Mike would contain.
***
May stared at Tianna, she knew there was something fishy about her friend’s behavior. It was exactly three weeks since they met Mike and the time to decide who would go home with him had come. Yet Tianna had a strange expression on her face. May no longer trusted that she would keep to their promise.
“May, I can’t do this to you,” Tianna said suddenly. May sat up in her chair. She looked behind her to make sure her parents were not eavesdropping.
“Do what to me?” She asked, perplexed.
“I know how much you have given me, how you have taken me as your own sister. I can’t throw all of that away because of a man” Tianna replied, a tear tracked down her face.
“What do you mean?” May asked. She looked shocked.
Tianna’s tears dried up in the face of deep irritation “What kind of stupid questions are you asking me?”
“Are you mad?” May asked her, then she laughed. “So you want to lie now. Show me the messages let me see!” She snatched Tianna’s phone from her hand. They fought over it for a moment before Tianna realized it was pointless and let May have it.
“What’s this I am seeing?” May asked incredulously after reading the messages for a minute.
“What is it?” Tianna asked. May didn’t answer, her mouth hanging open as she read. She dropped her phone in Tianna’s laps.
“What the f*ck is this?” Tianna asked when she was done reading.
“He told me we would have a surprise dinner tomorrow,” May said, she looked shell shocked. “I thought he was going to propose to me”
“Me too. He slated our dinner for next week!” Tianna said angrily.
“Did you sleep with him?” May asked. She was holding on to the last thread of hope.
“Yes,” Tianna said quietly. “Did you?”
“Yes,” May answered. They both stared at their phones, unable to meet the other person’s eyes.
***
Image Source: Giphy.com
Two weeks later, both girls were walking together to Tianna’s house. They had not torn each other’s throat out after all. Rather, it had taken them one week to start talking to each other and a plate of Iya May’s spicy pepper soup for both girls to finally bury the hatchet.
“Is that not Betty?” May asked, coming to a halt in front of the only uncompleted building in their neighborhood. She had seen Betty scaling the fence in a flash.
“You saw her? There was nobody there” Tianna said. She craned her neck but didn’t see anything. May took her hand and they continued walking, an unspoken agreement between them.
In the next few days, both girls tailed Betty as she went about her daily life. They both considered her daily activities boring and uninteresting but you see the detective work? That one was sweet like sugar. They tailed her effortlessly, blending into the walls by wearing wine coloured dresses.
When they followed her to the market, they had haggled with traders, all in an effort to not be detected. They followed her back from the market, making sure to enter the bus after hers even though they knew where she was going. When they got back to the estate, they sat in the cab, from a far distance they watched as Betty entered through the gate this time. There was a black Benz in front of the house.
When she came back, it was with a little boy of about five draped across her shoulder. He appeared to be sleeping. May and Tianna stared at each other, puzzled. Betty entered the car and left. Both girls paid the cabman and began to walk towards the house.
“We should stop,” Tianna said suddenly when they were halfway there.
“Why?” May asked.
“Because anybody could be in there. Let’s go home and talk to daddy and mommy” Tiana finished. She was talking about May’s family.
***
The police came the next day, they found eight persons in the building, (three adults and four children) bound and gagged by Betty and her team. Investigations revealed that Betty was a drug dealer and kidnapper who was ready to do anything for money, including kidnapping children. May and Tianna were praised and a big man, the father of one of the kidnapped children gifted them five hundred thousand naira each.
That was probably the happiest day of their life, they must have never experienced such happiness before. After a very delicious lunch at the nearest fast-food restaurant, they decided that they would save the money.
“I know what I will use the money for,” Tianna said, her eyes shining with anticipation.
“Me too,” May replied. ” Oya tell me yours, I will tell you mine”
Tianna looked round to make sure none of the other customers were paying attention to them “I am going to open a small boutique” She said with a broad smile.
“That’s great. Wow. I didn’t think of that. Anyway, I love making hairs. So I will be a salon owner very soon” May declared, raising her shoulders up to show pride. Both girls burst into laughter. They settled down to eat.
“Who would have thought Betty would be useful?” Tianna asked suddenly. Beverage spurted out of May’s mouth, landing on Tianna’s dress. The horror of the situation caused them to begin laughing again.
***
Image Source: Giphy.com
“What are you saying?” Tianna asked May as they lounged on the latter’s fluffy bed.
“Come and see for yourself. So you won’t say I was the one who made it up” May replied.
“New 5G Network Killing Birds In Lagos State” Tianna read.
“Yes! Keep reading!”
“May, all I’m seeing here is some talk that 5G is not good,” Tianna said. May sat up on her bed.
“Exactly. And it is going to kill us!”
“Where in the article did you see that?” Tianna asked. May gave her a look of disgust.
“What do you mean by ‘article’? This is the news!”
“Ehen. So?” Tianna asked.
“So we have to enjoy it before we die,” May said.
“What do you mean by that?”
“What’s the use of keeping money when we are going to die soon?” May said, her face serious.
Tianna laughed. “I wonder why you lasted this long”
“What are you talking about?” May asked, mildly offended.
“I gave you three days. But you made it up to one week. Kudos!” Tianna mocked, dodging May’s flying fist.
“You better watch your mouth,” May said.
“Or what?”
“I will spend all the money! You know I’m your next of kin” May said, she hugged a squirming Tianna and gave her a firm kiss on the cheek.
***
“Goddess! Bitch! Goddess bitch! Baby, you hot like fire. OMG” May crooned when Tianna came out in a slinky off-shoulder purple dress.
“Thanks, baby,” Tianna said, blowing her a kiss. She came back outside with the dress in a shopping bag. She dropped it beside the twenty or so other bags at May’s feet.
“What else do we need?” May asked. Eyeing everything lustfully.
“Let’s just go have lunch okay? Tomorrow is another day” Tianna said.
They walked through the hall, towards the counter. They were halfway through when May became distracted by a blue office blouse. Tianna prodded her away gently. They were almost near the counter when the glass door was closed forcefully and everyone in the mall looked up to see who had done such a thing.
“Get down on your knees!” A baritone voice halted all movement in the mall. Everyone slowly lowered themselves to the floor. May and Tianna huddled together, their new riches surrounding them. The criminals beat down a man who did not lie on the floor fast enough. Both girls lay side by side, staring at each other.
“OMG, we’re going to die!” May cried.
“Shut up. It’s all your fault” Tianna said, looking up as one of the criminals came to stand in front of them.
Quick Questions:
- Do you think this story is a perfect description of “it will end in premium tears”?
- Was it really May’s fault?
- What are their chances of survival?
- Why do you think Betty was following them around?
What's Your Reaction?
