1. Overview
2. Dehumanization of Widows
3. Disinherited Widows
4. Sexual Abuse Of Widows
5. Insecurity Of Widows
6. The Stigma Towards Widows
7. Solutions

Overview

The International Widows Day is on the 23rd of June. It is a day when widows are celebrated all over the world. We will be coming closer home with our discussion about widows, using our country Nigeria as a case study. In other climes, the death of a husband means grief and sadness for his wife. In Nigeria, the death of a husband could mean the end of the widow’s life.

Widowhood rites in Nigerian cultures are inhuman and horrific. These practices totally abuse the basic human rights of the woman as they are carried out with absolutely no consideration of her mental and physical well being.

When a woman loses her husband, she becomes a prey to his family members. This is when she sees the full extent of the horrible patriarchal culture which opines that a man is a “covering” to his wife. In the African society, a husband is perceived as a protector, provider, and identity giver.

A woman who has her husband taken away by death is thus left naked. She is made to watch while so called in-laws take away everything she has, including her humanity. The average Nigerian widow faces dehumanization, disinheritance, sexual abuse, insecurity and stigma. Little wonder that most of them die of heartache or suicide soon after their husband.

Modernization and Christianity have done nothing to reduce its prevalence. Till today, laws prohibiting such actions are yet to be put in place by the government. It is important to note that the only crimes these women have committed is NO CRIME. I will be talking on those points I listed above, showing you just how much widows in Nigeria suffer. Please walk with me 👇

Image Source: giphy.com

Dehumanization of Widows

Perhaps there is a math to it, I have been trying very hard but I still do not see any sense in accusing a woman of killing her husband with witchcraft. As soon as a woman becomes a widow, her husband’s family labels her the prime suspect of the death of their brother.

She is asked to confess that she killed him. She is also asked why and how she killed him. Was it witchcraft? Or was it her infidelity that caused their brother to die? Did she refuse to take proper care of him? If she answers any of these questions wrongly, her suffering will definitely multiply. She will be doubly unfortunate if her in-laws disliked her for any reason before their brother’s death.

To prove that she loved her husband, she is made to wear a sack, a black wrapper, or an outfit that she would not take off until the end of her mourning period (which could span from about six weeks to one year). She is made to sit on the ground and the hair on her head shaved haphazardly with a broken bottle. In some cases, her pubic hair is also shaved with a razor.

She is expected to remain on the floor, wailing incessantly. She is made to eat food cooked in old pots and served in broken plates. She is not allowed to take her bath for a period of time. If her hair is not shaven, she is not allowed to comb or plait it. In some cultures, she is not allowed to touch her body for the duration of her mourning. She is given a knife and a broom stick to use in scraping her skin if it itches.

She is stripped and bathed in public by other women. She is made to drink the water that had been used to wash the corpse to show that she is innocent of her husband’s death. She is not to sleep on a bed but on a mat. These are common widowhood practices that are still widespread today.

Image Source: giphy.com

Disinherited Widows

Most times when a widow weeps, it is not only because of the loss of her husband. It is because she cannot find an answer to this personal question she keeps asking herself “where do I start from after this?”. As she mourns, her in-laws use her weakness as an opportunity to loot her property.

There is a popular belief that every asset in the family is owned by the man. These days however, women who have jobs and businesses possess their own assets. When a man dies, his family automatically become owners and custodians of these assets even if they were jointly owned. If the woman dares to try fighting for her right, they tell her she must have killed her husband so she could inherit those properties.

If her husband has brothers or uncles, then be sure they would be sitting outside the house debating on how they would share it among themselves. In some cases, the widow is asked to produce documents of her late husband’s assets. She is also made to submit all his money. If she has a male child, a little property could be given to her or kept by the uncles until the boy becomes of age. If she has only daughters then she has no claim whatsoever to the family’s properties.

This reminds me of a case I heard on the weekend news. This woman had been married to a man who was physically challenged(blind) before he died. After his death, she was said to have rushed to the bank and emptied his account. She took the money and organized a burial without telling her in-laws. These in-laws got to know about it and they came looking for her.

They asked her about the money and when she was unable to give it to them, they arrested her and took her to court. These kinds of incidents happen every day in our communities and no one is talking about it because it is a “family matter”, the same excuse we give for domestic violence. We can do better.

Image Source: giphy.com

Sexual Abuse Of Widows

Traditionally, when a man dies his wife becomes the property of his brother. Civilization and education have reduced the prevalence of this particular act. However, that does not mean a man’s brother would not try his “luck”, does it? He could go into a widow’s room and rape her without consequences because it is his “right”. His actions could also be excused by other family members (including women) as just an attempt to tame the stubborn woman.

In some cultures, multiple men are brought in to lie with the widow. It is a cleansing process that she must go through. Even after the mourning period is over, random men would still approach the widow and demand for sex. They see their advances as well meaning, after all, they are doing her a favor by filling the empty void her husband must have left inside of her with their seed.

Image Source: giphy.com

Insecurity Of Widows

If a young woman is widowed and has no grown up sons, she is compelled to quickly remarry or go live with her parents because a widow is not safe when she lives alone. This is the point where patriarchy merges with a crime. That a woman is not safe unless she lives with a man is not just empty talk but our hard reality.

Criminals in the community begin to see her as an easy target to be stolen from and raped. This evil is most times perpetuated by men who hate the fact that the woman has decided to live independent of a man and want to punish her for it. It is done to prove the point that a woman needs a man to survive.

Widows often keep silent about these occurrences because if society is hard on a woman who was raped, it is even worse on a widow. Knowing that speaking out would only give her in-laws and society more ammunition against her, a widow chooses to remain silent even if the memory of the abuse kills her.

See Also

Nicki Minaj’s Arrest Starts A Social Media Storm

Image Source: giphy.com

The Stigma Towards Widows

Ordinarily, a woman whose husband died is called a widow. In Nigeria, a woman whose husband has died is seen and a murderer and a witch. She is looked down on by men, and her fellow women. She dares not get into an argument with anyone because she stands the risk of being blamed for her husband’s death.

“Are you talking to me? You that killed your husband”

“Don’t talk to my husband like that! You cannot kill him like you killed yours”

“Why should I entrust this to you? When you couldn’t even take proper care of your husband”

These are the kind of statements a widow hears as she struggles to piece her life back together. With the sole responsibility of taking care of the children on her shoulders, coupled with the added difficulty of finding it hard to remarry, the average widow’s life is one of sadness and grief.

Image Source: giphy.com

Solutions

As we can see, the culture of male superiority is the birth mother of so many crimes against humanity. Patriarchy is evil and should be eradicated from our society. For these crimes to stop, women need to be seen as humans and not properties and chattels. Respect for women needs to take its place as a core value that would be inculcated in all our minds.

Women need to stand together and say no to oppression. They should be empowered and given basic education. All women should either go to school, learn a trade or start a business. A woman who has money of her own would be able to stand up for herself when in-laws attempt to subject her to horrific widowhood rites.

The government should put laws in place that would send a stern message to greedy in-laws. Perpetrators of these acts should suffer dire consequences as an example to others. More importantly, husbands should develop a habit of respecting their wives and holding them in high esteem before their families. In pidgin, Na as you take package your wares na pesin go take price am.

Thank you for reading. Please don’t forget to like, share and comment. Tell us your view on the matter, and suggest possible solutions to the problem. Have a nice day.