• Overview
• What Is The Blame Game?
• #SheWasScantilyDressed❌
• #SheWasAtTheWrongPlace❌
• #SheShouldn’tHaveTrustedHim❌
• #SheShouldn’tHaveStruggled❌
• #SheEnjoyedIt❌
• The Solutions
• Bring Up Your Sons The Right Way
• Teach Your Girls To Speak Up
• Get Justice For Victims

Overview

The internet has been so depressing these days, so many dead bodies. Sometimes I sit down and begin to seriously consider going offline and burying my phone. Then I realize how ineffective that would be. Burying my mobile phone is as useful as burying my head in the sand to make the danger go away.

Last week, two Nigerian girls were brutally killed. Tina, a 16-year-old girl, was killed by a trigger-happy policeman while Uwalia a 23-year-old young woman was raped and killed in a church. You can find details of their deaths here and here.

Only yesterday, eleven men were taken into custody for gang-raping a 12-year-old girl in Jigawa. A father was arrested for molesting his daughters and a man was arrested for impregnating a fifteen-year-old and abducting the baby. These horrors could make the blood of any sensitive humans run cold with shame.

These horrors would make any human reexamine his values and her culture, these horrors should cause an uproar in the minds of everyone who hears it. It will shock you however to note that not everyone feels the way we do. I will be quoting the replies of some persons to the incident and showing you just how they make no sense. The relationship between all their replies is how obvious it is that these people practice what we call the blame game.

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What Is The Blame Game?

This is a situation where third parties blame the victim of a crime instead of the perpetrator of the crime. This situation is very popular in Nigeria, especially if such a victim is a woman and if the crime is rape. This attitude has been so ingrained in us by the society that when we hear of rape, what comes to our minds is 👇

#SheWasScantilyDressed❌

Below are some replies to Uwalia’s rape I found. They are in a quote:

“People cause problems for themselves at times. If you dress up and leave a certain part of your body open. It is called false attention”.

“You can’t dress up like a slut and expect men with good intentions to be after you”

“What do they do to porn stars, they get fucked violently”

“You can’t dress in a way that triggers sexual emotions and not expect rape”.

This is the most popular. When the average Nigerian hears that someone was raped the first question that pops into their head is what was she wearing? She must have worn something to trigger her abuser. Was her skirt short? Did she wear tight trousers? We have always told girls to dress well but they never listen. See what happened to her now.

As a young Nigerian girl, if you know that your mother has heard such news you don’t need anybody to tell you. You expect the lecture that will surely follow. Your own mother would tell you that the victim was asking for it. If she hadn’t dressed the way she dressed, the rapist wouldn’t have targeted her. However, when evidence shows that the victim was indeed decently dressed, everyone jumps to the next mistake.👇

#SheWasAtTheWrongPlace❌

Below are some replies to Uwalia’s rape I found. They are in a quote:

“You can’t walk on a street naked at night and say nobody would rape you”

“You want to go to a guy’s house and sleepover. Lmao. And you expect nothing to happen. Please are you in a fairy tale or what”

“We dey go church go look yansh before”

This is the second most popular one. You tell someone that a girl was raped and they ask, where was she? Why would a girl go and visit someone at that time of day? Why was she walking down that particular street? Why was she reading at a church? Why was she alone at home? She should have been somewhere else.

We forget that most victims are targeted at places that they are very familiar with, including their own homes. These rapists know how we all think and they rely on it to abuse their victim.

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#SheShouldn’tHaveTrustedHim❌

Below are some replies to Uwalia’s rape I found. They are in quotes:

“Some of you know the guy will force you. Yet you still meet them”

“Some girls put themselves in a delicate situation”

This is a statement devoid of sense and sensibility. Women and little girls get raped every day by their boyfriends, brothers, uncles, fathers, and husbands. These are people we are supposed to trust. These are the people who are supposed to protect us from harm. Do you know how heartbreaking breaking it is to realize you can trust no one? It is easy to say trust no one in an effort to sound-wise. When confronted with the full reality of being on your own in this world, can you handle it?

This is what millions of women have to face every day just because someone could not keep it in his pants. The pain, the reality of the horrors, the nightmares, and everything that comes with having a piece of your sanity ripped away from your body.

#SheShouldn’tHaveStruggled❌

Below are some replies to Uwalia’s rape I found. They are in quotes:

“Females should take rape as a compliment. A guy thinks you are so beautiful he is ready to risk prison to have you..”

“My advice to girls is that if one person decides to rape you, give him sex…”

Really?? Someone even said when you are confronted with rape you should negotiate with the rapists. Another person said the victim was not smart and the rapists weren’t intending to kill her, merely subdue her into submission. Your question is, where do these people come from? I tell you, they come from homes like yours and mine, they have mothers, sisters, and even daughters.

Yet, their minds are warped so dangerously they make us all cringe. The ignorance in those statements is palpable. Rapists kill mostly because they are afraid of being discovered and want to decrease the likelihood of being found out. Uwa was killed with a fire extinguisher. There has been no evidence to show if she struggled with her rapists or not. She must have been pleading with them to stop for sure. Just to be clear, rape apologists are potential rapists.

#SheEnjoyedIt❌

Below are some replies to Uwalia’s rape I found. They are in quotes:

“Them dey rape you, you dey squirt. Sista how na?”

“Them dey rape you, you dey moan😂”

Among all these horrible suppositions, this one is particularly repugnant. It is borne totally out of an evil mind that is devoid of humanity. A mind that ignores the suffering of a person and makes jest of it.

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The Solutions

I can’t just be talking about problems when we haven’t thought up solutions to them. I agree that this problem is deep and critical and that’s why I have little hope for our present generation. We are products of a backward era and we are students who have graduated from the school of backward ways.

Our children however are either very young and still pliable or still unborn. This advice is for all of us if we want our children and grandchildren to be safe. If we feel the suffering of others, putting ourselves in the shoes of Uwalia’s family then we will take heed and imbibe these simple things.

Bring Up Your Sons The Right Way

Below are some replies to Uwalia’s rape I found. They are in quotes:

“Who no sabi say konji na bastard? I support rape. I only go against rape with killings”

“Some men don’t know how to resist the demon”

The Male child in an African home is virtually neglected by the parents who believe he is a lost cause and does not need their attention or their guidance. In sharp contrast, female children are throttled by rules and put down by the harsh words of their parents.

We grow up nursing emotional wounds and a thirst for love. We didn’t get it at home in the arms of our fathers and mothers. We might get it out in the world. Girls who get molested at an early age by their relatives or neighbors carry unimaginable scars within them. This pain is most times transferred to the next generation. When she becomes a mother, she is even harder on her daughter.

A daughter who shrinks in confusion at the weight of resentment poured on her daily. She too grows up with wounds. The male child however is told verbally and through the actions of his parents and other members of the society that he can get away with whatever he does just because he is a man. He beats up his sisters Na man he be, he becomes a rascal Na man he be, na so men dey do, boys will be boys.

He grows us feeling superior and entitled, he believes all women are his to dominate in any way possible. He sees their bodies as his to use as he sees fit. After all his sisters are properties of the men who will marry them. A woman’s body was created for his enjoyment, why can’t she see that? Why does she say no when he indicates interest?

An insatiable thirst, a lack of self-control and responsibility. This is what we teach our boys. It is our responsibility to right this wrong now. It has gone on for too long and we are tired. It is exhausting, this running and hiding, this staring over our shoulders. It is unfair. We can’t breathe. We are tired of hiding our children from uncles who can’t stop touching.

We are fed up with the silence we perish in when we are faced with two choices, tell the world our husband is molesting his daughter or keep our marriage. We die every time you tell us you are my property. We lose a part of ourselves when we see another woman weeping because her innocence was stolen away from her.

Men! teach your sons to respect women, starting from their mother and sisters. They would only look up to you and if you fail to respect the women in your household, they too will learn to fail in turn. Show them that real men are those who have self-control and respect and not rapists and wife beaters. Teach them about consent and responsibility. Teach them to control their urges. Teach them that real men don’t rape! They are never too young to learn, start immediately!

Teach Your Girls To Speak Up

Millions of women have been raped but are unable to speak up because of a society that blames the victim for crimes committed against them. Rapists will continue to exploit this knowledge, knowing they will get away with their crimes is an encouragement. They will only be deterred when we stop seeing rape victims as “damaged” persons and support them when they speak up.

Show your girls that you have their back and will protect them whenever they run to you. Take their side when they have an argument with their brothers (so long as they are right). DON’T try to shut them up and tell them to learn how to respect a man! Don’t tell them to submit to a man! Teach your growing girls to take responsibility for themselves. Teach them character and dignity.

Get Justice For Victims

Those who take a life should not be allowed to sleep peacefully in their beds, that is the law. Life for life. Rapists should be given punishment stern enough to discourage others. We want #JusticeForUwa, we want justice for thousands of girls who have been raped in their homes. We want justice for babies who have been assaulted in their cribs. We seek justice for the millions of women who struggle daily to live through the trauma.

This is my two cents, feel free to add yours and don’t forget to say a prayer for Vera Uwalia, may her soul rest in peace.