How To Spot A Perfectionist (As Well As 10 Signs You’re a Perfectionist)
- Am I A Perfectionist?
- Who Is A Perfectionist?
- 10 Signs You’re A Perfectionist
- What Can I Do To Overcome Perfectionism?
Am I A Perfectionist?
According to Wikipedia, Perfectionism, in psychology, is a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting high-performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.
In a world saturated with social media and its highlight reels that seem to be everywhere you go, the pressure to be “perfect” is greater than ever. No matter where we turn, we’re faced with images of perfect bodies, perfect relationships, perfect homes, and perfect careers. For some, these projections can be inspiring and positive, but for others (and I would suspect, most of us), these images have become fuel for one of life’s hidden vices: perfectionism.
Perfectionism, which could become unhealthy very quickly, drives people to set unrealistic goals, and attempt to achieve them. While this might be considered a good thing, it oftentimes leads to low self-esteem issues and even depression. Some psychology experts have even attempted to link the unhealthy form of perfectionism to a more severe personality disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
Who Is A Perfectionist?
In the introduction, we have tried to define what perfectionism is, as a concept in psychology. Now, who is a perfectionist? A perfectionist is a person who is animated, obsessed, and possesses an exaggerated concern for perfection in everything. This person, in particular, brings extreme, and excessive care in the finishing of his work. A perfectionist is scrupulous, filled with constant guilt, has self-esteem issues, and has doubts about the smallest gestures and thoughts. When such people get an inkling of dissatisfaction concerning a project, they become constantly harassed by the possibility of imperfection. It is a really stressful disposition, as they strive to be perfect in every single thing they do.
Being a perfectionist has its positive and negative aspects, which is something a lot of psychologists have agreed upon. The key is that such a disposition should be done in moderation, else, it could lead to serious mental and psychological problems.
Now that you know who a perfectionist is, are you wondering if you might be one? Or do you know someone who might have this personality disorder? The fact is if you have thought about it to the extent of researching it, then chances are it’s probably true.
But just in case, here are some telltale signs of perfectionism. Here’s how you spot a perfectionist!
10 Signs You’re A Perfectionist
-
An All-or-Nothing Approach
This is one of the major ways to spot a perfectionist. These kinds of people are not only after excellence. Everything must be in order, or it doesn’t exist at all. If they have an inkling that they would not achieve a hundred percent perfection, they’re not touching that project. The irony is that perfectionists set crazy unrealistic goals, and then go ahead obsessing over every little detail, just so it comes out great. But ‘great’ is not enough. ‘Almost perfect’ isn’t either. If it’s not on the mark, a 100 percent straight on target, then, it’s a failure. Sound familiar?
2. Highly Critical
There is no one who can criticize a perfectionist more than his/her own self. They see every mistake, every flop, every slip, and every tiny falter. Not only do they extend this type of behavior to themselves, but they also do it to those around them. Whether familiar or not. There’s always that one family member or friend who has to puff up the cushions and realign the wall clock before having a seat. They won’t leave until the potted plant is placed perfectly aligned to the sun’s rays. This is not so bad until you notice that they are blind to the things that are actually working right, and are only so focused on the imperfections and mistakes. But never worry, they are harder on themselves than they are on anyone else.
3. The Push Factor
While other people might be drawn to their goals, and a desire to have them fulfilled, perfectionists are pushed towards theirs. Here’s why. They might not have any particular interest in that project, but the fact that their name and reputation will be associated with it pushes them to make it perfect. Part of what triggers this push factor is also the fear of failure. Perfectionists are controlled by a drive to avoid failure, at any cost possible. So, when they actually set goals, they are not inspired by seeing it complete and fulfilled, they are driven by the fear of not reaching those goals. Because any goal that is not achieved is a huge failure.
4. Setting Unrealistic Goals
Perfectionists have ridiculous goals and targets. While others are setting realistic and attainable goals, a perfectionist prefers to go the extra mile. Do extra, and get extra results. In achieving this unrealistic goal, they put in an all-or-nothing game face, and give it their total devotion. The problem is they don’t factor in how much time and effort it would take to reach these goals. When it seems like its actualization is getting farther, and farther, they give in to their fear and fall into depression.
5. Sole Focus On Results
While most people like to revel in the process it takes to reach a goal, a perfectionist takes no pleasure in it. Their sole focus is on the end result. They become so focused on avoiding failure, that they forget how to enjoy themselves along the way. They obsess over every detail until the project totally consumes them. They see only those goals and nothing else. And when they finally reach it, it’s just like one box checked off the list.
6. A Chronic Fear of Failure
A lot of motivational speaking would have a normal person believing that failure is part of the process, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. A perfectionist will have none of their thinking. Failure, to them, is a plague, a disease, that they must run from all their lives. The fear of failure is what drives them to achieve goals. The possibility of having a project fail, leaves them obsessing over their plans and its minutest details. While the fear of failure might drive some to pursue the goal relentlessly, on the other side of the divide, we have some who would never even make any attempt at all, simply because of that fear.
7. Procrastination
For perfectionists, procrastination is inevitable. Even if this behavior in itself is detrimental to productivity, which is something they like to avoid, procrastination and perfectionism go hand in hand. The reasons why a perfectionist would procrastinate include; the fear of failure paralyzing them, to the extent that they are unable to touch it for fear of it becoming a bit less perfect. Again, they believe there is a right moment, the right frame of mind to get things done if they want it perfect. They tend to put off the inevitable, afraid that they are not at their best to deliver the perfect results. They keep putting it off until this ‘right moment’ never comes.
8. Depression
Believe it or not, but there is a thick cord linking perfectionism and depression. In a society that extols success and perfection over everything else, it is commonplace to find individuals who find it hard to reach those high standards, fall into depression. People who obsess over perfection become less happy and carefree. When faced with a single ‘imperfect’ moment, they could go spiraling into the pit of depression. Like we said before, such people are highly critical of themselves, and their actions, and when the inevitable happens, they beat themselves up for it. Like it was mentioned in EverydayHealth, ‘People with what I call “The Never Enough Syndrome” can never live up to their own unrealistic expectations, and as a result they become depressed.’
9. Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem and depression go hand in hand. Perfectionists tend to attach their self-value and worth to how ‘perfect’ they are. And when these illusions of perfection do not pan out the way they were meant to, their value drops. Also, because they are so self-critical, they question every move and detail. Finally, they find something to beat themselves up about. Their critical nature could also push family and friends away because nobody wants to listen to how imperfect they are on a constant basis. This isolation could lead to severe loneliness and subsequently, depression and low self-esteem.
10. The Need for Validation
Most of the personality problems a lot of people face today can be traced to the kind of society, and family they grew up in. when you’re so used to being praised for your ‘perfect’ moments and shunned for your ‘imperfect’ moments, you develop a need to produce more of this perfection and have those same people praise you for it. When your actions are motivated by how people would react or respond to you, then, you have a need for validation. Perfectionists are suckers for validation. They want people to constantly be impressed by how ‘perfect’ they are. This is a toxic trait, as it ensures that you do not live your best and truest life because you’re scared of what people would say.
Do these signs feel familiar? Well, these are the major traits to look out for, if you’re trying to spot a perfectionist. But, after spotting this, you might wonder, is there a way out? Of course!
What Can I Do To Overcome Perfectionism?
Fortunately, if you’ve found some of these traits in yourself, all hope is not lost. There are a few things you could do to make your situation channeled towards more positive results
- Admit that there is a problem. This is the first step of the hurdle. Admit that this trait is more toxic than beneficial.
- Learn to trust yourself. By wanting to be too perfect, and trying to reach the unattainable, you risk losing self-confidence. Be less demanding of yourself, stop focusing on details.
- Learn to progress at your own pace. Don’t be too hard on yourself. End with this pressure force that you impose on yourself, and set priorities. In this way, you will complete everything you have to do without stress. You can stay focused on certain things, and know that you can ignore others. You’ll be fine.
- Change the way you talk about yourself. Stop being hard on yourself. Stop amplifying your slips, and allow yourself to make mistakes. It is not the end of the world. Speak good and positive things, and ignore the negatives. The next time you reprimand yourself for something, say something positive to yourself. For example, instead of saying “I hate myself”, say “I like myself”. Instead of saying “I am so bad at this”, say to yourself “I’m doing my best”. Instead of “I am not good enough”, say “I develop my talents and improve myself every second”. Let go. Moderate your language. Be positive with yourself.
- Be ready to accept failures, because they will definitely come. Don’t take every mistake as a failure, instead, turn it into a lesson. Talk about learning rather than making mistakes. Tell yourself that you don’t have to do it right the first time.
- Accept that your loved ones have flaws. Just like you, they are not perfect. Being aware of their weaknesses will help you, by mirroring, to accept yours. This will ease the tensions between you and those around you.
If all fails, consider consulting with a specialist to get a lasting solution. You also don’t have to do it all at once, start with what speaks to you the most, then move on from there. Gradually, you will see your life change for the better, you will discover how healthier and more beneficial it is to live a moderate perfectionism rather than have it control your life.
Are you a perfectionist? If so why? Please let us know your reasons and experience being one, feel free to leave a comment. Thanks for reading and we’ll see you next time.
All pictures are from pexel.com and no attribution is required.
What's Your Reaction?
