What Feminism Means to Me
Feminism has been very prominent in recent times with the “me too” movement creating a new era of accountability. But it has also been the target of a lot of hate and skepticism. With even more cases of sexual assault and sexism coming out every day, it begs the question, are we setting back or moving forward? And in this new world, what does it mean to be a feminist?
Growing up surrounded by religion, culture and tradition, feminism to me was an exaggerated ideology created by the Western World to justify their lack of morals. One of their ways of changing tact from colonizing to demoralizing. I pictured a feminist to be a loud, coloured-hair-wearing, tattoo-covered lesbian (I’m not trying to be offensive, just honest). And I wasn’t having any of it.
Then I became a teenager, old enough to make my own decisions but too young to see when I was hopelessly conforming. When I would secretly respect the leaders in the forefront of the women’s liberation battle but cower at the single thought of a cute boy thinking I was a shrew for saying that women deserved to be heard more. So I refused to align myself with these “radical” beliefs simply because they didn’t seem cool.
Adulthood rolled by not too long after and a lot had changed. I was heartbroken by young reckless boys and the world I lived in, both of which I wanted so hard to please. Feminism began to morph into something else for me, something I could believe in and something I could hide behind. I was proud to be a feminist. I could scream it to the world and I mostly did. Grasping every moment I had to show just how feminist I was (especially when talking to men). I supported every female movement I came across on the internet, even at the moments when I didn’t fully believe in them. Vocalizing my beliefs from a safe distance, always involved but never really a part of anything.
Then a few months ago, my world shook ever so slightly. What was hidden in plain sight suddenly became clear for all eyes to see, when a young girl went missing during her job search. This story didn’t trend too long, considering the myriad of bad news that has been hitting in recent times but it lasted longer than a lot of its predecessors.
The girl turned up dead with evidence that she had also been molested and naturally people were devastated. But what made this situation more important than the thousands that happen every day to young women all around the country? Well, there’s social media publicity. People were spreading the story all-round all over their platforms, allowing it a wider audience. Then there’s also the fact that no one could answer the age-old question, “What did she do wrong?” No one could rationalize it into being her fault. It was just a tragedy and everyone agreed.
Now even the “Me too” movement haters were compelled into posting quotes about protecting women on their social media accounts. People were beginning to understand, a bittersweet goal for the feminists, right? Right?
But as satisfying as it should be, to be heard by even the blockiest of heads, this only made me angry. Okay, maybe angry is not the right word. Sad? Unsatisfied? Empty? To be honest I think I felt a little bit of everything.
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What did this mean? Where did I now stand in the women’s movement? Did it even matter? Well, to kill all three birds with one stone, I didn’t know.
I just didn’t know and I think there are a lot of us out there that are clueless about feminism. I’ve always said feminism is how you define it, but how can you define it when you don’t even understand it? When you don’t know what it means to you?
I needed to understand it.
So I decided to do a little survey. I asked a couple of people two simple questions, “What does feminism mean to you?” and “Would you call yourself a feminist?” These were their responses;
“Feminism means freedom, the ability for women to make their own decisions without the influence of men… I would call myself a feminist but not in the way society thinks. I believe in women’s rights, not bringing men down.”
– Margaret, 56 (female)
“Ohh… uhh… feminism means equality for both men and women, it’s to uplift women and uplift men… Yes, I am very much a feminist.”
-Precious, 20 (female)
“I don’t really understand it, there are too many views. I think women should be heard but there’s no order to the movement… No.”
-Tomiwa, 24 (Male)
“Feminism is a word misused by crazy women… I’m a feminist to an extent, that’s all I’m going to say.”
-Blessing, 17 (female)
“Feminism is women not allowing society to box them in, fighting to be more. But I think only 70% of women are actually doing that while the remaining 30% are taking advantage of it, using it as an excuse to act badly… If men can be feminists then yes, why not?”
-Midun, 20 (Male)
“I think there are two categories of feminism, the good one, seeking the equal opportunity for both men and women. And the bad one, seeking equality between men and women. Men and women are built differently so they can’t be the same. I wouldn’t expect a woman to carry a 200kg dumbbell but I believe a guy can because he’s genetically stronger… In terms of the good feminism, yes I am a feminist. I believe she should be allowed to split the bill or wash the car if she wants. But in terms of the bad side, no I’m not, I like to open a door for a girl or sponsor her meals every once in a while.”
-David, 25 (Male)
“I honestly don’t know what it means… It feels like it’s constant competition with men, girls feeling like they don’t need men. Girls should be feminine and soft… No.”
-Tosan, 25 (Male)
“I don’t really pay attention to feminists, I feel like a lot of women have different meanings to their “feminism”. It’s okay to fight for your rights and equality but some people push it extra and make it feel like a fight for superiority. Like they feel men need to be punished or something… Me? No not at all, that’s a red flag yeah?”
-Temi, 23 (Male)
“Basically all my friends say it means equal rights. But feminism to me is personal. I have had my own experiences. Guys telling me I can’t do something because I’m a girl but that only pushes me to work harder. Women have to work extra hard than men just to prove themselves. A lot of women are being ripped from opportunities and put in the shadows. Even if some might say there’s equality now, I don’t agree because people still see women as weak. Especially in Nigeria, these men are still looking for housewife material. Some of them can’t stand if their wives earn more than them, they see it as a threat. They need to be superior but times are changing. Women are standing up and it’s beautiful. We all see the United States’ Vice President Kamala Harris as an inspiration. A lot of women are winning and that’s exciting, but I still maintain my stance because we’re still fighting… I am a big supporter of feminism.”
-Modupe, 22 (Female)
“Women use feminism to feel better about themselves, they still need a man. They still want you to open doors for them, pay their bills and take care of them. They just don’t want to say it because people might think that they’re old-fashioned. Feminism is not real… ha ha ha I’m a supporter of women, I give them real support like money. That should make me feminist.”
-Segun, 59 (Male)
What were my findings from this mini-survey?
Well for one thing, the sceptics that condemn the women’s movement are not limited to men alone. A lot of women don’t support it. It’s not from a self hate agenda, neither is it necessarily another case of women hating on other women. It’s the fact that they cannot personally connect to the movement.
Feminism doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, it’s not one size fits all, it’s not the same story for everyone. And that’s the problem, that’s the reason people have grievances with it or get confused by it. But feminism can never be just one thing because there’s more than one reason for it.
Now I understand what made that case of the missing girl so important, it’s the fact we could put ourselves in that girl’s shoes. It wasn’t a cliché narrative of a girl moving from party to party living the nightlife, there was no secret boyfriend in the mix, nothing the morality patrol could call out. She was doing what any of us could have done and she still became a victim.
You see, the thing with feminism is that you can’t truly understand it until you can relate to it. That’s the difference between my teenage self and my adult self. I had no experience with anything that made me feel less for being female. When I was in Uni, I just knew things like that happened even if I couldn’t relate it to myself. But when I became an adult and came face to face with how the world perceives me as a female, the movement took a new meaning.
My boss telling me that I would end up getting married and quit my job like my predecessor; Men using job opportunities to lure me into inappropriate relationships; Male superiors showing they rather communicate with my male peers than pass information directly to me; The lack of female mentors show me that the word “hustle” isn’t male-centric. These experiences shape me as a feminist.
So if you ask me what feminism means to me, I would tell you, it’s creating a world where it is acceptable for a woman to be successful from her own effort; Where worth is not measured by marriage and opportunities are not sex nor sexually-based… and yes, I am proudly and confidently a feminist.
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Every feminist has their own definition based off their own experience. A feminist who is inspired by her experience with rape will have a different outlook than one who is inspired by her experience with workplace politics. That’s what causes a divide. And it’s okay to have this divide, it’s okay to represent the side of feminism that it’s important to you.
I implore you to figure out what feminism means to you. Because that’s what makes you stand firm in the movement and that’s what truly makes you a feminist.
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