The Place of Religion in Relationships: Does Religion Really Matter in Relationships?
One of the characteristics of a great romantic relationship is the fact that the persons involved love and respect each other. This means that compromises would have to be made in the course of time. However, when it comes to religion in relationships, it is usually difficult to overlook a partner’s different belief as they most often pervade one’s entire life. This tends to bring discord, most often than not, into the relationship.
So the question is asked, does religion really matter in relationships?
Now, the first point to be established is that it is expedient for couples to have meaningful conversations about religion frequently until they come to a consensus. This is so as to understand the other’s stand on the topic and to know whether or not one would be able to deal with it. It is more important for those who are planning to get married and have kids as there are more things at stake for them.
Effects of Religion in Relationships
Religion has a lot of effects on relationships – both positive and negative. It is important however to note that these do not apply to all relationships due to individual differences and varying degrees of religious influence on a person’s behaviour.
For instance, someone whose religious belief holds that we can all commune with the divine would naturally replicate that in their relationship by being open to regular communication with their partner.
On the other hand, one whose religion does not profess this ability to commune with the divine directly would most likely be opposed to frequent conversations.
Negative Effects of Religion and Religious Differences on Relationships
Now, it is pertinent to note here that religion as an entity on its own isn’t harmful to relationships. Rather, it is the attitude of a partner who professes a particular religion that makes it appear as such. This is seen mostly in the way a person treats people and elements of other faiths that are not in accordance with theirs.
The following are some of the ways through which religion and religious disparity could be detrimental to a relationship:
- Dominance and Control in Relationships
Many religions teach specific ideas about gender and gender roles in a relationship. These teachings tend to be bias as a particular gender is most often elevated over the other both in status and function. It is therefore almost inevitable to have a particular partner exhibit attitudes of superiority and control over the other.
For example, a partner might begin to dictate the kind of clothes the other should wear, the kind of people they should and should not hang out with and the sort of TV shows the other should see, based on or as an overstretch of the religious doctrines of either the commanding partner or both parties. This is certainly unhealthy as it breeds numerous problems if not curtailed.
- Abuse in a Relationship
This is an extension of the previous point. Many religions inscribe these gender related roles and ideals in certain religious texts such as the Holy Book. Now, it is common for these texts to be interpreted wrongly or in a way that justifies the nefarious acts of a partner.
For example, the fact that the Good Book states that wives should respect their husbands and be submissive to them and didn’t say the same about the husband doesn’t mean that the latter should be disrespectful towards their wives or treat them badly. Some wives, on their part, remain complacent in such a union so as to save her face. How ironic! Unfortunately, this is the case in some religious homes.
- Division and Conflict
This is an obvious and common effect of religious disparity between partners. Because these persons lay claim to different religious beliefs, such relationships are most often bound to be bedeviled by constant disagreements and discord.
In cases of married couples, these conflicts are usually more intense as important decisions that sometimes border on religious topics are expected to be made together. In most cases, neither of the partners would want to give in for the other, especially when grounded in their religious belief. This gives way for more intense quarrels, disagreements and feuds in the home.
- Effect of One’s Faith
In mixed religious relationships, people who feel shy or awkward to share their religious experiences with their spouse may struggle to stay connected to their own spirituality, Pew Research Center reported. This could ultimately cause one to lose their faith in the course of time.
Also, in situations where one partner refuses to give the other person the freedom to practice their religion and tries to enforce their religious inclination on the other, it is usually difficult for the one at the receiving end to remain firm in their faith.
- Effect on Children
From a research done by PEWS RESEARCH CENTER, it has been found that Americans raised in mixed religious households (where parents identified with different religious traditions) are more likely to identify as unaffiliated to any religion than those who have a single religious background. This unwholesomeness in religious beliefs could affect such individuals in one way or another later in life, as they end up being neither here nor there.
Positive Effects of Religion and Religious Sameness on Relationships
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As asserted earlier, it is one’s approach to religion that matters in determining the success of a particular relationship. Therefore, it is no gainsaying the fact that without the conscious efforts of the individual in implementing the tenets of their religion, nothing significant can be achieved.
The following are specific effects of religion as well as the practice of the same religion by couples in a relationship:
- Mutual Understanding in Relationships
In truth, mutual understanding in a relationship can be achieved through various ways such as occasions of conflict, constant conversations and spending a lot of time together. Added to this, sameness in religion gives a foundational spice to this art of mutual understanding. Since partners already share a lot of ideas as dictated by their religion, getting to understand the reason behind the other’s actions should not be a Herculean task.
- Leads to a Sustainable Relationship
People who have strong religious backgrounds tend to have dispositions of resilience, hope and purposefulness. This is as a result of the ethical education, emotional support and social interactions they normally experience in their formative years. As a result of this, relationships that involve people like this are usually enduring as they are well equipped to go through dark periods together.
- Enhances Togetherness and Selflessness
This is indeed true of partners who share the same religion. For instance, studies have shown that prayer – especially when done together – enables couples to focus on shared needs, rather than individual worries.
In addition to this, most religions teach selflessness and humility in marriage. If the couple in question faithfully imbibe these qualities, no rock of any magnitude is likely to shake their relationship.
Also, sameness in religion automatically means that partners tend to spend more time together (in religious houses, for example) and partaking in other religious activities. If kids are involved, this mostly translates to a one big happy family.
- Presence of Pure and Sincere Love
Couples who believe their connection is sanctified or centred on God, for example, seem to have more unadulterated love for each other than others. Even when heavy storms rock their relation-Ship, they are able to weather the storms conscientiously and purposefully.
- Effect on Children
Religious homogeneity in a relationship does not only stop at benefitting the partners but extends to their children as well, if they decide to have kids. Children of this sort generally tend to have a more enjoyable childhood filled with peace and love. Also, the children tend to be deeply rooted in a particular religion rather than being given the burdensome duty of having to choose among or between religions.
- Faith in Relationships
A person in a relationship with one who shares the same religious beliefs with them is in for a smooth ride. In addition to enjoying relative peace and calm, such a person will most likely grow in their faith over time, especially when the other party is as committed or more committed in the religion.
In conclusion, it has been generally observed that religion actually matters in relationships. Whether the question is about compatibility, tolerance or integration of religious beliefs, the parties involved need to have constant conversations on the topic where salient questions are asked both ways. This is in a bid to ensure that religion does not end up becoming a source of conflict in the course of time.
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