Ada: My Coming Of Age Story
“Hi, I’m Ada. Welcome to my YouTube channel,” I say and freeze. I suddenly can’t get words out of my mouth because I have none stored within. I admit that recording videos for the world to see is terrifying and not something I am very good at. Being a Youtuber isn’t the first career path I have tried. All of them have failed so far.
Is it sales of beauty products? Affiliate marketing? Every time I try to do something new and innovative I am hit with the reality of my money disability, my exposure disability, my lack of any real talent.
In a few days, I will be twenty-four years old. “A woman of marriageable age” according to society. I have friends who married when they were twenty-one, lots of friends who took advantage of the Covid-19 lockdown to get married. Friends that my parents know.
Last week I was having a conversation with my mom and she suddenly gave a comment that was totally unrelated to the discussion. “When I was your age, I was already married with a child and pregnant with another,” she said.
She said it as though it was a sudden insight but I knew she was leaving hints. I really can’t blame her for wanting me to cross over to another phase of my life but the reality is that I’m single & I do not have anybody in mind.
I know my biological clock is ticking but I really can’t hear it, too busy trying to figure out how to go on with my life. There’s so much more I could be now. Heck, I see much more from my friends, young people I know in passing. They are CEOs. They own cars and houses but the only thing I own is an old laptop that is begging for mercy. I see my mates spend so much money on things and I kind of wonder what I could do to maybe get half of that?
The ones who married three years ago already have kids. They post them for me to see every day and yet I don’t feel envious. I’m sure that if my parents could see into my mind, it would be that lack of envy they hate most. I am not ready to marry and have children. I still need my mom’s hug too much to be that kind of grown-up. If not for the Covid-19 shutdown, I would be in school running around trying to study. The activities always find a way to keep me oriented.
Unlike in Art where you can make a pencil sketch, life gives us no such opportunities to avoid mistakes. When I was fifteen/sixteen years of age, I had enormous dreams. Had everything carefully planned out. I would be done with school twenty-three years and that would give me two years to work and earn before I get married at twenty-five.
All of those plans are history. I have an extra year in school now, thanks to the Pandemic. I have a job but I’m not exactly saving millions as I thought I would. Everything just seemed shinier then, compared to the misty opaque colors of reality.
Recently, I’ve been online watching videos where people speak on gaining confidence and feeling better about yourself. That was part of what inspired me to create a YouTube channel. I should have asked myself what I planned to say to others before doing so but I didn’t. I already know what I want to hear most right now. I also know I want it said to me in a chirpy voice.
It takes me a while to set up. When I am done, I take a deep breath and look up into the camera again. I feel like the whole world stares at me as I speak.
Hi, I’m Ada. I’ll be turning twenty-four in a few days. Please wish me a happy birthday in the comment box. I have just a few words for those who are scared and worried as they get older. It is okay, it is okay to be turning twenty-four and still not have it all figured out.
See Ada for yourself
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