How to Move-on After a Break Up
Going through a breakup can be very difficult. Watching romantic scenes in movies become a disgusting chore, and it seems like you will never be able to forget that person you had given a special place in your life. While late-night movies over huge tubs of ice cream might seem like your only option right now, I want you to know that not only can you beat this, but you can also move on and become a better, stronger, and healthier version of yourself.
You can move on from this breakup.
Now, I know you are tempted to jump on the ‘it will end in tears’ train whenever you see love bugs but instead of filling yourself up with a negative mindset like that, how about you keep telling yourself this:
“This is not the end of the road for me. I’m going through a tough time now, but it will get better. There are better days ahead for me.”
After a break up you feel confused, lost, and unwanted. Many negative thoughts keep ringing in your mind. Thoughts like “maybe I just wasn’t good enough” and questions like “what did I do wrong?” or “what could I have done better?” continue to haunt you. Understand this, there is nothing that you could have done better. If there was, you would have done it.
A relationship is a two-way street. It takes both efforts to survive, and most importantly, it takes compatibility. If two people are not compatible, they will never work. Chemistry or no. Sometimes, it’s not a lack of spark that causes people to drift apart, it’s a lack of compatibility. That is why some people can have a mad fight, have mad sex after the fight, and continue the silent treatment after sex.
It’s not always about the spark
Understand that your relationship did not work out because you and your partner could not complement each other well enough. You could do everything and more but the other party still needs to play their role.
You can’t play the role of you and your partner in your relationship. You should complement each other. That is why they are called your significant other.
So, stop beating yourself up about what you didn’t do or could have done better. They say the best revenge you can do to your ex is to become a much better version than you were when you were with them. You have been broken-hearted long enough, it’s time to live your best life.
Right now you feel like you can’t live without your ex, talk more about getting over your break up, but I assure you that if you practice the tips mentioned in this article, and you give yourself a few months, you will move on.
The Post-Break Up Syndrome
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When a person goes through a breakup, they undergo stress emotionally, physically, and even psychologically. You must place yourself under observation and care because you might think that the separation isn’t affecting you when it is.
Some people go through an emotionally destabilizing experience like a breakup and think they don’t need any help (either from a professional or a loved one) because it didn’t ‘affect’ them. They think because they didn’t cry or starve or stalk their ex the way others do, that they are ‘fine’; that they have moved on when they have not.
After a breakup, you need to surround yourself with people that love, respect, value, and are sincerely interested in helping you get better. This is very important because, after a breakup, you experience strong feelings of rejection and doubt yourself. You want to overcome the pain that tugs your heart and mind, but you can’t seem to, so you get frustrated. Having loving people around will not only make you feel wanted again but also needed.
The following are some, if not all, of the experiences people, go through after a break up which can affect their emotional, physical, and psychological well being:
- You gain or lose weight visibly.
- Insomnia and loss of appetite for the first week or month.
- Your mind starts to bring up negative thoughts like if you were more beautiful or sexy, your ex wouldn’t have left you.
- You keep stalking your phone every hour for calls or texts from your ex and their activities on all their social media handles.
- You keep asking yourself what you did wrong or what you could have done better.
- You are constantly fighting a battle of whether to delete pictures of you together or not and everything you see or taste reminds you of your ex.
If you find yourself experiencing any of the aforementioned scenarios it doesn’t mean you are a weakling, it simply means you are going through a very natural response to the situation you are currently in. It is normal, it is expected. So please, don’t form a ‘hard guy’ and allow yourself to experience all these things naturally. It will help you move on faster.
People face many problems after a breakup but two of the biggest problems people face after a break up are:
- not knowing how to move on
- not wanting to move on
How to Move on After a Break Up
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When you are trying to move on from a depressing and heart-wrenching experience like a breakup, you need to first take a very deep breath (in and out of course), and then follow the ten tips I’ll be highlighting in the course of this article.
Below are some steps to follow to get over the pain of a breakup. Not everything might work for you but some definitely will. Try them all, find what works for you, and stick to it. With time you will heal and forget that anything of the sort ever happened.
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Don’t Stop Fighting for Your Love Until You Get Tired
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Now, I’m sure you didn’t see that coming. Especially not as the first point😅 but I strongly recommend it. Fight for your love until you get tired. If you don’t do this, you will continue to harbor thoughts of ‘what-ifs’ and it will create a longing in your soul that will make it difficult, if not impossible for you to move on.
When you fight for your love with everything you have and it still doesn’t work out, you know deep down that you can rest easy because you had already done all you could do to make things work. The peace of mind that comes with it will enable you to move on much easier.
So, I implore you, fight for that love until you get beaten and tired. If it doesn’t work out, move! And don’t just move, move with your head held high.
2. Allow Yourself to Mourn
Breakups are hard, there are no two ways to it. They hurt and destabilize you mentally, physically, and emotionally. You want to go out but don’t feel like it. You are constantly yearning for the other person’s presence and touch. You feel lonely and lost.
Allow yourself to grieve. After all, your relationship died. It’s okay to even cry, it doesn’t make you a weakling to do so.
Let it all out, but positively. Don’t go breaking things or shouting at people. Don’t try slashing their car tires or vandalizing their houses. It is very tempting to start a gossip mill going and say all sorts of nasty comments about them in your social circles. Don’t!
Studies show that such violent expressions of your feelings will only leave you feeling angrier and empty afterward. Find more positive ways to let out your pain and express your grief. You could try writing it out in a song or painting.
3. Do Not Play the Blame Game
Try as you may want to find someone to pin the failure of your relationship on, do not engage in that. It is emotionally draining and not worth the energy at all. Don’t blame yourself and most definitely, do not blame the other person.
As I mentioned earlier, a relationship fails because the two individuals are not compatible. It doesn’t mean they are bad people. They can both be two good, loving, and wonderful individuals, but if they don’t compliment each other well they will still end up breaking each other.
Once you can understand that it’s not necessarily your fault or someone else’s, you will find it easier to move.
You are not a bad person for initiating a break up if the relationship isn’t working, neither is the other person bad for doing so. Sometimes, some things just need to be done. No matter how difficult or painful it may be.
4. Cut-off Completely
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This might be the most difficult thing to do but it is probably the most important as it is the most efficient when you know you find it hard to move on. Don’t stay connected– online or offline.
Moving on is already difficult to do, if you decide to still keep in touch it might be impossible to move on. Although this might not be the case for everyone, if you know that you are the type that gets very emotionally attached to people, then it will be best to cut off from the person. If possible, delete their number. Block them on all social media platforms too.
Get rid of all mementos tying you to the past you had with your ex. Stop being sentimental. If you know you don’t want to burn that dress or break that cute mug, give it out instead.
Don’t be clingy. Move and move gracefully. No one likes clingy people and that is the truth. It’s not about pride, it’s knowing your self-worth and allowing that person to know your value.
Don’t stick around expecting closure from your ex. Cut off and move on.
5. Focus on Yourself
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Now is the time to wipe your tears and remove those depressing songs from your playlist. Get busy!
You could decide to get engaged with your community. Find out what’s happening and get involved in activities that could make your community better.
When you serve or give to other people, (especially when you involve your presence physically), it gives you a sense of purpose. It creates a feeling of being needed which is very important because most people tend to feel worthless and inadequate after a breakup.
Use the breakup as a motivation to become the best version of yourself.
Aim for self-improvement!
Infest yourself into your work and career. Focus on yourself. Be career-oriented. Delving into your business or career and doing excellently well in it helps to create a sense of fulfillment because you tend to feel down and useless after a breakup. Pick yourself up and push yourself outside your comfort zone. Switch up your routine and environment.
Find a new environment, one that takes your mind off the pain of your past with your ex.
6. Conduct a Self Re-evaluation
Take out time to conduct a self re-evaluation. Embark on a journey of self-rediscovery. It is a very crucial step towards finding yourself after a breakup because most times people tend to lose themselves in their relationships. They get so caught up in the ‘we’ that they forget to take care of the ‘me’.
Find yourself
Spend time doing what you love, not what you had to love because your partner loved it. Was there something you used to enjoy doing but had to stop because your partner didn’t like it? Start it again and have fun at it.
Learn from your broken relationship
No matter how terrible an experience is, there is always a lesson to gain from it.
Never let an experience go to waste, positive or negative. Learn from it.
Take out time to reflect on the entire experience and learn from the relationship. Write about your feelings and examine your writing afterward.
“Were there terrible habits of mine that could have pushed my ex away? If yes, how can I work on it so it doesn’t affect my future relationships?” Thoughts like these are positive reflections that will help you become not only a better person but a better partner in future relationships.
7. Set Thought Boundaries.
Stop talking about him/her. The more you talk about them, the more you remember the special moments you shared, and you are thrown into despair again. Stop it.
Distance yourself. You have the control.
Forgive and forget. Give it time. You are heartbroken now, but you won’t be heartbroken later. It might sound cliche but it is most definitely true– time does heal, broken hearts and scars.
Be patient with your growth. Some people might be able to move on overnight, some mightn’t. In all, be patient with yourself. Eventually, you will move on.
8. Mend Broken Bridges
Most times when we fall in love, we tend to forget some of our friends because we are all caught up in the fantasy of the romance we have found ourselves in. Now is the time to reconnect with old friends.
Ask for help. Get support. Talk about how you are doing and go easy on yourself. Don’t isolate yourself.
Accept all invitations to social gatherings. Have fun. Get out there! But remember to take it slow while at it. Meet new people, and make more friends.
Very important, don’t have casual sex. It messes with your mind and creates a longing that will not be filled. Now is the time for healing, not to reopen old wounds. I believe that is self-explanatory enough.
9. Eat Healthily, Meditate, and Exercise
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You might be tempted to finish tub after tub of ice cream or even starve after a breakup. Sometimes, it might be because you don’t have the appetite to eat at all, talk less about eating healthy. Don’t give in!
It might prove difficult and you might even feel guilty for eating well when you feel like the world is expecting you to be mourning and all. Don’t give in!
Eat healthily. Now more than ever you need to pay attention to your physical health because your emotional health is already under attack. Take very good care of yourself because you need and deserve it.
Meditate. Sit down, clear your mind, and fill it with positive thinking. It will help you become one with yourself again and create room for positivity in your life.
Exercise. This cannot be overemphasized. Sure, you should exercise for the right reason, which is to stay healthy of course, but you will agree with me that there isn’t a more fulfilling way of getting back at your ex than with a revenge body that will make them regret leaving you😜
Exercising will not only keep you healthy and fit but also boost your self-confidence and ability to move on from your breakup.
So, get those sweatpants and sneakers on!
‘Retail therapy’ has also been recommended as a great fix for heartbroken people, if it is done wisely of course. This is so because research has shown that when people get rejected and then go shopping, they tend to buy things that will fit into their new lifestyle.
Buying a dress that will boost your self-confidence or changing the duvet your ex bought into the house that you didn’t like can help you feel better and move on.
Note: Don’t overspend, it will only cause more headaches. Also, don’t use it as a means to run away or hide from your feelings. Face your pain head-on. It’s the only way you’ll be able to move.
Spoil yourself a bit. After all, you deserve it after what you have been through.
10. Focus on Being Positive
Accept your new status. You are no longer in a relationship. You are single again.
Repeat positive self-affirmations to yourself. This is very important because after the breakup you tend to think many negatives about yourself. Consciously make a list of all your positive attributes. Focus on being positive.
Picture yourself over him/her and play nice; don’t go slashing your ex’s car tires or starting gossip to tarnish their name. Avoid rash decisions. Don’t crop your hair or get a tattoo. Let some time pass before you make rash decisions and even then, let them be temporarily based. You could try dyed clip-in extensions or temporary hair dye so you don’t do something you will regret and will make you hate yourself more.
Don’t generalize and don’t compare. Take time to enjoy quality company with those that truly care about you like your friends and family.
Relax, chill a bit, and let nothing steal your joy. It’s your life, no one will help you to enjoy it. It’s something you need to do yourself.
You could also decide to create a playlist of inspiring songs that will help you think forward and move on. I strongly disapprove of love songs or even breakup songs this period. It will only make you unnecessarily emotional.
Let go of your past and look to the future!
Also, remaining ‘just friends’ might be a very terrible decision if you are still romantically attached. If you aren’t, good. If not, it’ll be better to give yourself time to get over the person completely. If you still wanna be ‘just friends’ then go ahead!
Oh, and of course, I strongly recommend meeting Jesus. Statistics have shown that accepting Jesus and the new life that comes with Christianity brings so much joy that not only will your heart get healed but it will even be made completely whole again. You will be able to love again and give your 100% without fear, doubt, or any restraint.
Finally, look to the future. You got this!
For more info,
psychologytoday
realsimple
vox.com
everydayhealth.com
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