I Am Not Regina!
“Stop! Don’t do this I’m begging you. Please, please! Noooooo!” I cried all to no avail, he was oblivious to my wails. Hot liquid continued to stream down from my eyes, down into my ears, and disappeared into my hair. His eyes were rolled up and he had a funny expression on his face. I had never seen anyone look so ugly like my uncle did that hot afternoon. His face contorted as if in pain but he beat me in the game of wills as he held me tight under his iron clasps.
Three minutes afterward, the contours on his face eased up and his face looked less like an ugly ogre and more like the familiar face that attended all my birthdays, taught me how to ride a bike, defend myself against bullies in junior high, and attended my senior year graduation. At that point I had stopped fighting, there was no need to continue the struggle.
He released himself inside me, flapped his instrument of torture free of leftover droplets, got into his shorts, and like every other time he had done the same atrocity for the past three years, threatened me to not open up to anyone about it and take contraceptives to “prevent stories that touch the heart” like he liked to call them.
Why did he refuse to use protection every time? It was as if he was begging me to get pregnant for him and destroy their family.
I eyed his annoying lips as the phlegm flew in different directions while he spewed the words from his mouth. Subconsciously, I turned my face the other way and cursed him. He did something that looked like a shrug or a well, won’t you get up? And walked out of the room.
Beaten and torn, I stood up from the ground and held on to the edge of the dressing table to support myself. The image staring back at me looked broken and defeated. I noticed a spider that had started feeding on a fly caught in its net and got reminded of my predator-prey experience once again. Teary-eyed I looked up, screamed at the top of my lungs, and fainted.
***
“I’m so pissed right now! I swear! You guys should just stay away from me because anyone that tries to get in my way or talk crap near me will get it!” It wasn’t the first or second time my siblings would be messing with my stuff. I was already antsy from my period cramps, they just had to make my day worse by breaking my phone’s screen guard. Again.
“Sister Ifeoma why are you angry? It was not my fault that it broke in the first place. Okay, I’m sorry I broke your screen guard. I was trying to get my phone and it was under yours, it fell while I was trying to remove it cos I was trying to be careful, knowing that your phone shakes easily. I didn’t mean to break it.” She looked like a frightened kitten; very scared and adorable. I knew I couldn’t stay mad at her but I had to keep up with the act to prevent a recurrence.
“Then why didn’t you come to tell me when it happened? Why did you wait for me to call you first? Why do something wrong and try to cover it? That is why I am pissed right now. When you do something wrong you don’t cover it, you come out and apologize. You hear me?” I couldn’t keep up the act anymore, my straight face was already scaring all the color away from her chubby cheeks.
“Yes ma’am. Next time it happens I will come to tell you immediately. I’m sorry. I really am.” Nen gave me that look that said “I’m really sorry, will you forgive me and move on now?” That, combined with the puppy eyes she used to get whatever she wanted, made it impossible for me to keep up with my anger act. I sighed and gave in.
“Next time? What do you mean by next time? Do you plan to destroy my phone again? Do I need to ban you from entering my room completely?” I couldn’t believe my ears. There she was in her cute, oversized clothes looking like candy straight out of the candy store. How someone looking so sweet and angelic could be an agent of destruction I couldn’t understand.
“Oh no, I wouldn’t dare. I only said next time in case there was a recurrence that was beyond my control to prevent. You never know what will happen next in life you know?” Cold sweat trickled down her left temple. She knew she had to be careful because the sister she was talking to was a ticking time bomb– She knew I was a ticking time bomb. I eyed her from the corner of my right eye and murmured an “mmm-hmm…” before finally releasing her from her interrogation session.
“Okay then. But I’m serious, if you destroy any of my things again those chubby cheeks of yours won’t be able to save you. You hear me?” My threat seemed to have sunk in as she bowed her head for many seconds, probably weighing the weight of my words in her mind so she would know how to move around with caution henceforth.
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She murmured a “yes ma” and stalked out of my room. She looked too adorable in her oversized clothes. She and Light were the only siblings I had, the only family I had left in the world, and the reason why I kept pushing forward amidst all I have had to go through.
“Asides her, that is… she keeps me going too.”
I continued to smile alone in my room waiting for the next day to arrive so that I could go to work and be happy away from the house. “I love my family but weekends aren’t my thing. I can’t deal with them for two full days.” I jumped on my bed and raised my duvet to just below my nostrils and sang. “Tomorrow’s gonna be a good day.”
***
The next day was a Monday and I had to drop Light off at his school. It was always so annoying because I would have to deal with the terrible Monday traffic that always got me sanctioned at the office. “Lagos isn’t for me. I think I’ll use my next leave to travel out for a while. It’s not like I’m going to pay a dime, either way, uncle Chidi will sponsor me like he always does. It’s the least he could do.”
I shouted at Light to hurry up only for him to start whining about his dinner and how aunt Rachel already told him that she would be getting back home very late that day. Apparently, the little rascal wanted me to get back in time to fix his dinner. I was pissed and in a hurry, I wasn’t in the mood for his shenanigans.
“Unlike you, I have responsibilities. If I don’t get back home in time, fix yourself a bowl of cornflakes or fry eggs. There is bread in the fridge, don’t be a dweeb.” He pouted his reply and we both walked to the car park where I contemplated the car I wanted to drive out that day. I settled for a neat Mercedes-Benz that was given to me as my 16th-year birthday present.
Today, I was going to see her afterward. The thought alone got me all flushed and hungry even though I had just had breakfast. I sighed, smiled, and shook my head at how much I wanted to be with her.
Light on the other hand was already in the car.
“What are you thinking about? Let’s go or I’m gonna be late again today!” His holler jerked me out of my reverie, I jogged to the car to drive my brother to school and I, to work. “Work…” I smiled to herself again and sped out the driveway not waiting to reply to the security officer’s greetings. I settled for a wave and blasted music off the car’s speakers. “It’s gonna be a good day…” Then I shook my head “no, it’s gonna be a great day.” I flashed my brother a wide grin but he only gave me a skeptical smile in return.
***
“Debs, why are you just arriving? You’re late! Miss. Lily is so going to kill you,” Bimpe hooted. I knew I was late but there was no way I would have been able to get to the cafe earlier than I did. Lagos traffic never seemed to stop shocking me. They’d make a mess of the road by creating three lanes on a two-lane road and then you’d move forward a bit only to realize that the traffic jam was as a result of a trailer that fell across the road leaving you to start asking yourself if your destination was worth going out at all.
“I’ll get back to you B. I just need to go login first.” I whistled softly and walked rapidly to the reception so I could log in my time of arrival on the computer at the receptionist’s desk.
A crisp “Why are you late?!” had me jerking and I turned around slowly to see the woman I had waited all weekend to see. I flushed immediately. She also experienced a momentary shutdown when our eyes met.
Glued to my very essence, she stared at me hungrily from top to bottom. I was wearing a tight-fitting black dress that bared my shoulders and had an ‘X’ design that started from the bottom of my bust and ended on my low waist to show off my navel– it was a beautiful one with a silver stud in it. The dress definitely was too flashy. I felt the strong urge to explain why I was wearing something so extravagant.
“I’m really sorry I came this late, Miss. Lily. I had to drop my brother off at school this morning, Monday traffic is always so horrible. I promise it won’t happen again. And in regards to the dress, I…” I had said all these looking down and by the time I finished my explanation, I noticed Lily’s shoes in front of my eyes. Lily cut my explanation.
“It’s fine. It’s a really pretty dress by the way,” then she smirked and winked at me. This time I flushed furiously and stammered, “Th-thank yo-you ma.” Lilly laughed heartily this time around and waved me to get down to work.
Five minutes later, I got a text that read:
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“I can’t wait to tear that dress off your body tonight, baby.
Love: L💗”
I was all teeth. I couldn’t possibly keep all the excitement bubbling inside me to myself. Bimpe gave me a questioning look by squinting her eyes, then she pointed her index and middle fingers at her own eyes and then at mine as if to say “I got my eyes on you” but I only laughed heartily and swirled around in my reclining chair. “It’s gonna be a great day alright…”
When I got home that night, something seemed off about the house. I felt a very strong desire to not go in but a stronger desire to make sure my little siblings were okay pushed me forward and I found my right hand turning the doorknob. Everywhere was dark save for the kitchen lights. My heart continued to beat rapidly and I wondered why it was misbehaving when I had not seen or heard anything to frighten me to the point where it would get worked up like that.
“Where are you coming from? Why are you coming back this late? And hand me your phone. Now!” Uncle Chidi’s deep baritone combined with the horror movie scenery created an effect that was scary enough to make a weak-hearted female cower and squeak in response. That was not me so I stomped my feet, raised my chin, and raised my voice even louder to reply to him.
“I’m not obliged to tell you where I’m coming from or why I’m back this late. I’m an adult and I can take adequate care of myself. Now, where are my siblings? Where is everyone?” I felt a very strong urge to run away from the house but I needed to know my siblings’ whereabouts.
“They’re gone. I got Rachel to take them out tonight and from there they will sleepover at her sister’s house. Don’t worry, they already packed for school tomorrow so it’s you and I all night tonight.” He smiled devilishly and I knew I should have listened to my guts when they told me to not enter the house that night.
He moved really fast the way possessed people did in horror movies and before I could turn round to sprint out of the house, I found myself on the floor, the dress was torn to my waist. “How dare you tear my dress, Lily loved this dress!” I wasn’t thinking straight.
“Is Lily the name of the girl that you send your nudes to? Is she the one you sext all the time and spam with all those videos? Answer me, Regina! You would rather be with a fellow woman than be with a man like me?! Am I still not good enough for you?!!” Smelling him up close, I knew he was dead drunk. I tried to push him off but I couldn’t.
“Get off me you beast! You are the reason why I detest men! You are the reason I turned to receive love from a female! Yes! Yes! Lily is the love of my life. She treats me like a queen, worships my body, and treats my genitals like a prized antique object that ought to be treated with care and respect– something your savage mind could never grasp. Don’t you dare compare your torture to her lovemaking!”
“Shut up Regina! So, after choosing Chima and rejecting me, even though I loved you first, asked you out first, you still have the right to choose a female over me?! You chose my brother over me first, now it’s your boss at work?! Uhn? Regina?!”
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I stopped struggling. He was mentioning my dead parents and if the poison he was spitting out of his drunk, smelly mouth was true then he had been in love with my mom at a point in his life. I needed to know more so I decided to play along.
“Chidi dear, what do you mean by you loved me first?” I tried to tweak my voice to sound like my mom’s as much as I could.
“You know now… I have always been in love with you, right from our high school days. I only married Rachel cause my mom continued to pressure me to get married. I never loved her because I am still and will forever be in love with you. I love you, Regina.” He had calmed down and stopped trying to get in between my legs. I pushed forward and prodded him to get more information.
After an hour of explaining how he had met, fell in love with, asked out, and gotten rejected by mom, he confessed to haven poisoned my parents’ drink at their fifteenth-anniversary party by ‘mistake’. That night, I found out that my uncle had been raping me for the past three years with the idea that I was my dead mom, his only love– his obsession. He had killed my parents and taken their children in to care for them out of guilt for his actions.
Everything had happened simply because my mom had told him ‘no’ and told my dad ‘yes’. My entire life was a sorry story, destroyed, damaged because one idiot could not accept rejection from one woman. I was getting hot from anger but I didn’t know the next course of action to take.
Just as I tried to stand up to leave the house, my uncle raised his head swiftly. “Where do you think you’re going Regina?! I’m not letting you go again. Never again you hear me?!” I was about to shout “I am not Regina when he pounced on me and started hopping. The only thing I could shout was “Get off me! I am not Regina! I am not the love of your life! Get the fuck off of me you deranged beast!”
“It’s gonna be fine Regina. You’re with me now. I’ll make everything okay, you’ll be okay. Just stay with me. I’ll take good care of you.” All I could do was cry hot tears. He had never plundered me that hard in all three years of my torture, I was so sure my genitals would be torn by the time he was done. “Just die. Just die and leave me the hell alone!” I was screaming as he was climaxing, then seconds later he went limp on top of me but he didn’t move. I called out to him.
“Uncle Chidi get off me. You are done, aren’t you?” No reply from him. “Uncle Chidi don’t sleep off on me right now, get off me or I’ll push you off!” Still no reply. I sighed, pushed him off, and jumped up ready to sprint out of the house when I noticed something was wrong with him. I skeptically moved towards his nose to hear his breathing but I heard nothing. I strained my ears harder and placed the back of my palm under his nostrils. Nothing. Uncle Chidi was dead.
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