…So I Murdered Him…

Blood!!!

That was all I could remember. The blood stain on the ground cannot be mistaken for paint. The stench of the decaying body makes me want to vomit. I had the curtains and windows closed. It is almost dawn and I am still sitting on the sofa I sat on three days ago. I had different thoughts going through my mind.

‘Dissect the body’.

‘Call the police’, no!!! I’ll get caught.

‘But he deserves it’

‘Ha!!! Serves him right’

Wait am I a murderer?

I remember the blood being ours or was it just mine?

I shut the thoughts out of my head. I have to get to the office and out of my apartment before anyone suspects a thing.

Ethan came visiting three days ago and well he’s dead now. The dead silence and stench in my parlor is enough to make my neighbors nosy. This is work.

I stand up from the sofa and walk straight into the storeroom. I get some detergent and a brush, with the intent of getting rid of the blood stain. Swoosh!!! Swoosh!!! The brush moves back and forth. I get close to his body and my stomach gets upset.

Blur!!! Jack and Jill goes down the hill, right on the spot I cleaned. At least it’s my own vomit. I wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeves and continue cleaning. I finally get rid of the stain and now to deal with the stench. I grab my Airwick from the store and give the room spray. The mix of smell isn’t great but I got rid of the death stench.

Time to take a bath, I have a lot of scrubbing to do. I let the water run while I take my clothes off. I do not bother piling them with my laundry because they are a reminder of the incident. I switch off the water and slip into the bath and let the water caress my skin. It’s soothing.

I step out of the tub and move towards my closet and pick out my lucky shirt with a skirt to go. Moving next to my dressing table, I apply some lotion on my body. I put on some light makeup and my Ruby Woo lipstick and am almost set. My Cotton club perfume finishes the trick and I look at my reflection in the mirror. I sure do not look like a murderer. My plumps give the perfect touch to my disguise and I step out into my parlor. One look at the body and the nausea returns. I need to do something about the body, which I do. I dash out of the room and do the locks. The rays from the sun hit my eyes and I put on my glasses. John the doorman greets me and I reply with a wink. I hope he doesn’t notice a thing.

‘You are looking beautiful today, Miss Stacy’.

‘Thanks John, You’re not too bad yourself’.

Ha ha!!! ‘Always with the flattery’. ‘Err, Miss Stacy. Your last sign-in was three days ago, hope everything is fine?’ he continued.

‘Of course!!! I am a little homesick’, I replied.

‘And Sir Ethan?’

‘He’s great’. I replied again, walking away.

Thank goodness, that’s over. I hail a cab and make a call across to my secretary to cancel all my appointments. Finally, the Office.

***

CHRISTMAS EVE 2017.

The girls and I are out at our hangout. I order a cocktail and I have no care for the conversation on ground. I am lonely. I lose myself in my thoughts. I am thinking of a white muslin I saw in a shop that I want to buy when something catches my attention. A figure actually. I pretend not to notice as him and his friends approached our table. I took a quick look at him and glanced away. I was too slow, he caught me.

‘Hi, I am Ethan and you are?

‘Stacey Gibbs’, I reply.

‘You seem lost in your thoughts, can I give a penny for one?’ He said

“no, thank you’, I respond without glancing at him.

“Ouch, that hurts’, He replies with a smile, while placing his hands on his chest, as if he is in pain.

‘I am sorry. Forgive my manners. I’m not in the mood today.’

‘I get that’.

He smiles at me and I ease up a bit. He is handsome, I notice. He asks me my plans for Christmas and requests for another meeting. I wasn’t up for a date but then I agree. We decide to leave early to beat traffic. He drives me home and doesn’t ask to be invited in. I am glad as I wasn’t up for a one- night stand. We say our goodbyes and I climb up to my apartment to retire for the night.

It’s 7:30am and my alarm is ringing. I stand up from my bed and stop the alarm. I went into the bathroom and took a shower. Making coffee is unbearable in the morning for me because I am not a morning person. I turn on the T.V while I sipped my coffee. It’s Christmas morning yet it feels like it’s an ordinary day. There’s a knock on the door. Who will be at the door now? I look through my peephole and right there is Ethan. I must have forgotten the date.

‘Morning angel’. Coffee?

‘I’ve got mine, thanks’.

‘Merry Christmas!!!’ Ethan says.

‘Merry Christmas!’ I reply not too enthusiastic about it.

‘Can you get dressed so we hit the road?’

‘Sure’.

Christmas at the Mason’s is lovely. The smell of chicken fills the air. There’s a lot of chattering in the sitting room. Relatives and friends are in every room. Ethan introduces me to his parents and they are lovely. I almost feel like family. The conversations continued till late afternoon and Jocelyn serves lunch. She’s Ethan’s mother. I like the cinnamon roll but there’s too much salt in the fish. I decided to keep that to myself as everyone seems to enjoy it and not notice the salt.

‘Ethan never brings anyone home I guess he likes you a lot’. His mom whispered to me.

‘Mrs. Mason, you are mistaken’.

‘Call me Jocelyn, everyone does and I know what I am saying.’

‘We’ve only met yesterday and he hasn’t asked me out yet’.

‘What If he does? What will be your answer?’

‘I do not know’.

I haven’t thought about it yet. If I want to be in a relationship with him. I only met him yesterday and well, love at first sight doesn’t equal to relationship the second day. I excused myself and go out the porch to receive some air. Only two minutes out and Ethan is right beside me. I get this feeling that he was going to ask me out but I shove it away. We sit there with our hands intertwined, enjoying the silence. This may the best Christmas yet.

Two months later, he asks me to be his girlfriend and I agree. We take turns spending the weekend at our apartments and it suits our routine. He visits me at the office and buys me lunch daily and I am okay with that. John, the doorman at my apartment is glad I am in a relationship and treats Ethan as his son. John is more of a friend than a doorman.

We go out to our favorite restaurant to mark our anniversary. It is one month already. We order food and are having a lovely dinner. A young man walks towards the table and asks me a question on an article I wrote and I am happy to indulge him. Ethan doesn’t look happy and I ask myself why? The young man hurries from the table as he seems to notice Ethan’s scowl.

‘Who was that?’ He asks.

‘I do not know him. I mean I am meeting him for the first time as you are’.

‘I guess he’s a fan’, I continued.

‘A fan? So you are sleeping with him’.

‘Ethan!? You’re getting paranoid, go sort yourself out’.

I walked out of the restaurant and I hail a cab. I need to start going out in my car and not his. I own one. As I am about entering the cab, someone yanked my hair. I am wondering who the insane person is. I turn around and the next thing I know is a slap across my face. It follows with a punch, and then another and they came in series. The last thing I remember is seeing a man’s face but I do not recognize it.

I wake up the following morning and I am in the hospital. I have a migraine. The doctor comes in and does a thorough checkup and concludes that I am free to leave by 12pm. I am still trying to recollect what happened the previous day when Ethan walks in. He brings me flowers and apologizes for hitting me. I am too tired to get angry and so I forgive him.

We leave the hospital by 12:30pm and he drives us to his apartment. I am so tired and so I sleep till the evening. I awaken to the smell of freshly baked bread. I am so tired and hungry so I eat the meal. He apologizes yet again and I am certain he is sorry. I sleep in his arms that evening while he strokes my hair.

On the ninth month of our relationship, I am in the office and I have this nauseating feeling and I go to the toilet. I rush to the wash basin and immediately throw up. I remember now that I haven’t seen Mr Red since last month. Am I pregnant? I decide to go to the hospital at the office to find out what the problem is. The nurse seems nice enough.

‘What are you here for madam?’ she asked.

‘A pregnancy test’. I reply.

‘Okay, let’s get you started’.

She looks at me as if she is wondering why I am here for a pregnancy test. I focus on the tag on her blue coat which read ‘Nurse Tee’ as the needle pierces my flesh. It was short and painless. I have mixed feelings about being pregnant. Do I want a child yet or not? Well if I am, I can take care of it. I am being selfish; it’ll be Ethan’s child as well as mine. What will he think? I am at the lobby when Nurse Tee returns with the result. The result confirms me pregnant. I am very excited for both the baby and I. So I exited the hospital and drive down to Ethan’s. He is full of surprise to see me. I never visit his office or rather he asks that I shouldn’t.

‘Hey baby!!! To what do I owe this visit?’

‘I have something important to tell you and it can’t wait till evening.’

‘I am pregnant!’ I said with so much excitement and a smile on my face.

‘You aren’t serious plus we always use a condom.“ He retorted with a straight face.

“Ethan, I am sleeping with you only and you know that.’ I said. I was beginning to lose my smile, like the shadows cast over the mountains at sunset.

‘Can we talk at home?’ He said in hushed tones.

‘Sure’. I replied, wondering why he was talking that way.

I leave his office building and drive home. I have mixed feelings about what happened at Ethan’s office. It almost seems like he is denying his child. I am thinking he is accusing me of having an affair. I trust him, or it’s the stress from work. I know he loves me.

Sitting by the balcony gives me peace so I find solace there. I must have fallen asleep as I am awoken by the noise of the T. V. I walk into the parlor and find Ethan there. I greet him but he doesn’t respond. I try to put my arms around him but he slaps me. I am confused as I haven’t done anything wrong. He accuses me of carrying another man’s child. I opened my mouth to deny it but he hits me instead. He hits me and I am in pain now.

I instinctively put my hands around my stomach to protect my baby. He notices and aims for my stomach. I receive several punches from him and I am now on the floor. I guess I am bleeding, no, I am. I didn’t even get to meet it and it is gone. I am weeping and Ethan comes and pats me on the back. He whispers his apologies into my ear, saying he is sorry and he loves me. He carries me out of the apartment and took me to the hospital.

Nurse Tee does a checkup and gives me the bad news. I lost it. She looks into my eyeballs and shakes her head. I knew instinctively that she is talking about Ethan. She is not in support of the relationship. She takes me aside and questions me about how I lost my baby. I lie to her and say I fell on the staircase as I was running in excitement to tell Ethan the good news. She looks at me and shakes her head again.

I can’t tell anyone what has happened. My Ethan is a good man. He won’t hurt anyone. A small voice said to me, “but he hurt you” I ignore it, walk over to Ethan and give him my best smile. Ethan loves me even when I do not love myself and so I regard him. He gives me a sense of self-worth. So whatever he does is right.

On the way home, he suggests that we make our babies. He wants to do away with condoms. He wants to start a family. I am thinking the same but he hasn’t proposed yet. Well he doesn’t have to. He loves me and that is all that matters. We get home and he runs me a bath. He makes dinner and serves me. I love it when he treats me nice. I walk into the room and there are lit candles everywhere. There is also a ‘I AM SORRY’ card on the dresser. I am happy and so I lean in to kiss him. He returns it and then we make passionate love. We later fall asleep and I had a lovely dream that night.

It’s two years into my relationship and I have had several abortions because Ethan isn’t ready to be a father. Whatever happens to the ‘let’s make our own babies idea’. He is a monster but I still love him. I have made several trips to the hospital on his account.

He takes me out on dinner but I am not interested in the conversation we are having. He seems to notice and I show interest so I don’t get beaten. We finish with dinner and so he drives us home. He wants us to have sex but I am not in the mood. He rapes me. I cry my eyes out and later fall asleep that night.

I am pregnant again and I do not want Ethan to know so I keep it to myself. I am in the kitchen in the evening when he storms in. I am still wondering what the reason is for the outburst when he slaps me. I am scared and decide to run away but he yanked me back by my hair.

‘Why didn’t you tell me that you are pregnant?’

‘I am not’. I lied.

‘Liar. Whore!’

He slaps me again and I am scared for my child. He uses the flower vase to break the glass table. He slaps me again and I slap him too. He fumes up and pushes me onto the shattered glass. I get injured but he doesn’t notice. He beats me up and I lose the baby. There’s a pool of blood on the ground. My blood, my baby. I am so angry but I try not to show it. He seems to have his senses back and he apologizes. He sits on the couch with his hands on his head while I go into the kitchen. I come out with a knife and an intent to kill.

I have images of this moment imprinted on my mind. I have rehearsed how I am going to do it. A blood for a blood. I hide a bat behind my back and beckon him to come to me. As he sorts to embrace me, I use the bat to hit his head and he falls to the ground. I tie him up and watch him till he wakes up. When he wakes up, I walk towards him and give him a dirty slap. I hit him till I’m satisfied. I stab him on his left leg with a knife. He cries in pain. I let him bleed and cringe in pain. I stab him on his right leg this time, this is for my second child. I leave him there and go take a nap. I awaken from a bad dream. Ethan’s about to kill me.

I return an hour later and he is right where I left him. He’s under my control, I like the feeling. He must have passed out while I was taking a nap. I am going into the kitchen to get water so I can wake the father of all nations.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! How ironic. It fits the title of a broadway show: ETHAN! FATHER OF NATIONS. Too bad he is not going to live to see that. I empty the bucket of water on him and he winces in pain as he awakens.

Stacy, please.

Shhhhh, oh!! no you don’t.

I drag him into the bathroom and place him in the bathtub. I fill the bathtub with water and I slit his wrist and his throat. He is bleeding and I am satisfied. I like the view, the blood and water. He’s gagging in his own blood and I am unmoved by the sight. This isn’t about me, it’s about him. It serves him right.

I watch the life leave his eyes as he gives up the ghost.

***

THE OFFICE

I sit at my desk pretending everything is fine. Then the phone rings. It’s John the doorman. He tells me that the police are with a warrant to search my house. A neighbor complained about the stench from my apartment. The damn air freshener didn’t work. I seal my faith and drive back home. They search my house and find nothing in it and I had a cleaning service do a thorough cleaning. I smile at the policeman and apologize to my neighbor.

‘Where is Sir Ethan?’ John asks.

‘He stepped out, something about a call from Illinois’.

‘Okay, but I didn’t see him sign out’.

‘Well you know how he likes his space’.

‘That’s true’.

Where’s Ethan?

Well he is down in the basement. The police didn’t go down there. He hurt and used me, …SO I MURDERED HIM.